Do you want to build strong bonds with your children? Do you want your children to know they can depend on you? Here are some suggestions for how to nurture your relationship with your children and strengthen the bond between you.
Don’t laugh at me, but sometimes I imagine what my relationship with my daughters will be like when they’re older.
What will they be like when they’re 12, 16, 18, 26? Will we butt heads, or will we have a close relationship? I wonder about our connection and if they will feel like they can count on me.
As I reflect on these things, I’m sure of one thing: What I do now will impact the relationship I’ll have with my girls later in life.
More than anything, I want my children to trust me and know that they can depend on me. On some days, I feel like I’m progressing wonderfully toward this goal; on other days, I feel like I’m messing everything up.
For this month’s Parenting Resolution, I want to focus on doing things that let my children know they can depend on me. Here’s what I’ve come up with…
How do you let your children know that they can depend on you? #parenting Share on XListening.
This is probably the most important thing I can do as a parent. When my children have a problem or a challenge, it’s important that they feel like they can always talk to me. Listening can be hard. Sometimes, I feel like the voices of my children are chattering nonstop in my head. At times, I even wish I could shush them so that I can have some peace and quiet.
Then I think about the people I’m most fond of in my life. What I appreciate the most about them is that they’re great listeners. I feel like I can tell them anything and that they truly hear me. I want my children to know that when they talk to me, I will listen lovingly and nonjudgmentally.
Here are some ways to let your children know you are listening to them.
Undivided attention.
One of the best ways to let someone know you are listening to them is to give them your complete, undivided attention. This is most often reflected in the posture of your body and through eye contact.
I recognize that I can’t always immediately drop what I’m doing to listen to what my children say. I’ll let them know when I’m busy: “What you’re saying sounds important. I want to give you all my attention. I need 5 minutes to wrap this up before we talk, okay?”
Ditch the screens and electronic devices.
It feels like I’m continually working on this. I do blog work in the afternoons while my children have “quiet” time. More often than not, my time is interrupted by at least one of my girls. I have caught myself answering their requests while looking at the computer screen.
I want to stop doing this altogether. I need to practice this with my husband, too.
Be an active listener.
When I was in my Early Childhood Education program, one of the critical practices they taught us was active listening. Unfortunately, I practice this more with people outside of my immediate family. Active listening involves being attentive to what the other person is saying. It discerns and clarifies the meaning, intentions, and feelings behind the words the other person is speaking.
This month, I want to focus on using active listening techniques with my children.
Responding with love.
This is a critical way to let my children know they can depend on me. For instance, if they are frustrated, struggling, or made a poor choice, I want to respond as gently and as lovingly as I can.
Responding with love can be particularly challenging if they make a poor choice. However, I’ve recently realized that we learn best from our mistakes. I don’t want to shame my children when they mess up; rather, I want to encourage them to assess how they would do things differently if confronted with a similar situation in the future.
Help when it’s warranted.
We seem to live in a culture that promotes independence. As an early childhood educator, I know the importance of allowing children to assert their autonomy. I wonder, though, if this constant push for independence sometimes pushes our children away.
I’ve been reading Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages of Children. This book has prompted me to consider my parenting techniques—specifically with my youngest daughter. It never occurred to me that she could perceive this as rejection when she asks for help, and I tell her that she can do it for herself. What if her love language is acts of service?!
I will pay closer attention to moments like these and help my daughter whenever she seems genuinely overwhelmed by something.
Prayer.
Lastly, I can let my children know they can depend on me by praying with and for them. By offering to pray with my children, I’m letting them know that God cares for them and will always be there for them in their challenges and frustrations.
I want my children to know they can depend on me spiritually and that I will be here to lead and guide them through prayer whenever needed.
This month’s challenge:
This month, I would like to challenge you to think of ways to let your children know they can depend on you.
Will you do me a favor and tell us how you let your children know they can depend on you? Then, take a moment to share this article with your parenting tribes.
This post is part of The Parenting Resolution series. The entire series is here:
Introduction: The Parenting Resolution: Make This Year the Best Year!
Challenge #1: The Parenting Resolution: Creating a Learning Plan
Challenge #2: How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids
Challenge #3: How to Say More Yes and Less No
Challenge #4: How to Let Your Children Know They Can Depend on You
Challenge #5: Banishing Mom Guilt Once and For All
SHARE WITH OTHERS
Great list and I agree that we need to ditch the electronic devices more and pay our undivided attention to our kids. So, can’t thank you enough for that reminder here today. Happy Tuesday now xoxo :)
Here’s something interesting for you Janine… today at my girls’ swimming classes my oldest daughter was being picked on by another kid. I was unfortunately at the other end of the pool bringing my youngest to her swim class. I asked my daughter what the adults were doing. She said that the swim teacher was leading the line but all of the adults were sitting on the side texting. Seriously – she said that! I felt sick to my stomach.
I know I get wrapped up in my devices from time to time too but I’m really trying to be more attentive and in the moment with the world around me.
…and thank you for sharing Janine!
Responding with love is SO important. Love this journey you are on!
It certainly is a journey… I’m learning and growing so much.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Kristen!
I really love all of these Jennifer. As I was reading them, I took inventory of how I behave and if I am truly expressing that message to my kids in these ways. Thank you for this much needed reminder, and push to be more intentional with loving them. I too, think about the future of our relationships and I want to feed them and nourish them for those later years as well.
I’m so delighted you enjoyed this Chris. I’m on quite the journey this year to better myself as a mom – I’m aiming for more than here and now… I want to have a positive impact on our future together.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Chris!
I’m still trying to work on this. Besides my kids knowing that I’m always there for them, it seems like I’m always on the computer. This year it has been a lot less and I’ve taken time out of my schedule to do trips etc, but I would love to do so much more. I’m going to have to follow your list.
It’s been my goal this year to improve on my interactions with my kiddos. They mean so much to me and I just want to be better with every day that passes.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Amanda.
Great tips & goals! My oldest is 13 and moving into that teenager “I don’t need mom” phase. I do hope she knows she can count on me and I think she does. I love the 5 Love Languages – read it years ago, but would be interesting to read again now that my kids are older.
I’m curious about what things will be like when my children are older… not excited for it though. lol
I love the Love Languages books. I’m currently reading God Speaks Your Love Language. SO good!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Lisa!
This is really powerful. I will take the challenge. I definitely need to get rid of the devices around my son and even listen more. I think I’m always multi-tasking. He’s a happy go lucky kid, I just hope he stays that way. Stay tuned, i will circle back in a few weeks and see how it goes.
The devices is my biggest focus this month. I hope to read Hands Free Mama soon, hopefully it gives me some encouraging ways to improve in this area.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Caryn. I hope this month is super successful for you!
It’s wonderful both to think about, and to act on.
Listening is something I always said I’d do as a parent, and of course, life takes over sometimes and I do the one thing I never thought I’d do – tune out.
Letting them know they’re loved, supported, and listened to is key.
YES! I love your reflections here Tamara. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this.
I love that you wonder about what your relationship with your girls will be like in the future. I did the same as mine were growing and I do that now with the boys. One of the best things about our trip to Cuba last week was the time I took away from blogging and being “on” and connected all the time. No internet in Cuba (at least where we were) meant not only that I actually read real books but that the boys had my stress free attention. What a huge difference from me trying to work all the time even when they’re home. No more. From now on our weekends are blog and computer free….being present makes all the difference. Terrific post, Jennifer!
Isn’t it amazing when we step away from technology, the clarity we gain… and what different people we are?! I really don’t like who I am when I’m on the computer – that’s why my work times are scheduled when the kiddos are having a rest/quiet time or asleep.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Jenna!
Jennifer, this is beautiful and spot on!
Our children do need to know that they can count on us and we do it through the ways you shared here. Love really can be spelt and shown in the time we dedicate and focus on them.
Hugs and pinning this one!
I’m so delighted you enjoyed this Jen. Parenting is a journey but the map is love.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this — and for pinning.
Hi Jennifer!!! How fun to have seen you today, it’s been a long time!
I really appreciate the ‘listen’ point you made. I think I am so close to my daughter for a lot of reasons, but one has to be the fact that she had croup. I’d be up with her for hours at night, as the worst of it would pass, and we’d talk and talk… She was hilarious (unintentionally of course), touching, loving, angry…all of it. And I knew it was a special time.
You’ll have wonderful relationships with your children, I just know it. You WANT it. That’s the biggest step.
Blessings!
Ceil
Thank you so much for your kind words Ceil. I love hearing from other parents whose children are grown up and to know what their relationship dynamics are like. I do want wonderful relationships with my children Ceil – it’s my heart’s desire.
Really encouraging. This area is one of my resolutions as well. I love the concept of attentive listening. I will check out your recommended resource as well. :)
Ps. New Twitter handle: Maryandering. ;)
Attentive/active listening is so important and it’s a skill that I’m frequently practicing (because it’s so easy to slip into half-listening)!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Mary!
These are all fabulous Jennifer. Undivided attention is so important for our little ones; and especially now for Little A since baby is getting so much attention.
Oh yes! When I had Little H, Big G had some slight behaviour problems – mostly due to the fact that Little H needed so much attention. It’s great that you’re aware of that Tiffany… Little A will love any of the undivided attention you can give her.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Tiffany.
Listening and Responding with love are really important.
That’s way to bond with your kids.