I wasn’t going to publish a post today. However, a recent conversation that I had with my 6-year-old has been echoing in my head. I just can’t shake it. I thought I would take a moment to share it here with you.
“Mom, I’m scared about my allergy test.”
“Really, what are you scared of?”
“I’m scared it won’t go good.”
I nod in assurance.
“I’m scared it won’t go good and that I will stop breathing… and when you stop breathing you die.”
I caught my breath. I looked at this little girl in front of me and couldn’t help but see my baby. That little face looking up at me for assurance that this world is indeed a safe place to be. That little face with those big eyes, asking and pleading to know if everything will be okay.
My instincts say to protect her, to hide her, to shelter her from everything… but I know I can’t.
It took all of my energy and much self-control to respond to her confidently. You see, she had expressed a fear I had hidden and suppressed deep down inside of me. What if I lose her? What if she dies? How could I live with myself? How any parent survives the loss of their child, I don’t know… because the thought of it devastates me.
I fought back the tears and told her everything I had been telling myself.
- The doctor is doing this test because he feels it’s safe to do so
- The test is in the doctor’s office – lots of experts, Mommy and Daddy will be watching you carefully
- We know what to do if the test doesn’t go well
- You have an Epi-Pen
- The doctor’s office is across the street from the hospital
She seemed somewhat satisfied by my response.
Later as I thought about this I began to self-condemn. How can I forget about Jesus? And prayer? And our assurance in healing? Is it my fear that perhaps she isn’t healed that kept me from sharing? As the self-condemnation came to an epic high and my nerves were rattled, I went into prayer.
Not too long after my daughter approached me again.
“Mom, I’m just a teeny, tiny, incy, wincy, little bit scared of what will happen at my allergy test.”
“I know sweetie….”
“But there’s something that scares me even more.”
“And what’s that?”
“Thunderstorms.”
Tomorrow is the big day. I’m praying friends and if you’re the praying type, I hope you will join me in prayer that our little girl will not be fearful, that we won’t be fearful, that we will have strength, and that she is fully and completely healed of her anaphylaxis dairy allergy. It’s a big day for all of us… and I pray all goes well.
** Video update on her allergy test**
SHARE WITH OTHERS
I pray that her test goes amazingly well, without any complications, and shows that she’s healed!
Thank you so much for the prayers and support Susannah.
xoxo
This breaks my heart to read… it is so sad when kids express their fears, esp if it is something we are fearful of as well. I know everything will go wonderfully tomorrow and I will be praying for you and your sweet girl!
Thank you so much for your kind words, encouragement, and prayers Lauren. We sincerely appreciate it.
xoxo
I have a daughter with severe food allergies and that fear is so real. Praying for peace and healing!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and prayers Jackie. We truly appreciate it.
xoxo
Of course I’ll be praying! For you and your daughter.
Thank you so much Renee. We truly appreciate it.
xoxo
I will be thinking about you and your family!!!
Thank you so very much Dee <3
I’ll be thinking of you. My son was allergic to wheat when he was younger and he did stop breathing many many times. And it was nerve wracking every time it happened, to the point where I was a basket case. But now he is no longer allergic and a very healthy teenager! So I am crossing my fingers that your daughter is no longer allergic!
Thank you for sharing your experience with this Michelle. We appreciate your kind and encouraging words.
xoxo
I’m praying for this situation.
Thank you for your prayers Starla. We truly appreciate it.
xoxo
Hi Jennifer,
What a sweet account of a conversation with your dear daughter about a real challenge in your lives. I AM the praying kind, and will definitely be praying for you all, and I think you’re a good mom.
Let us know how it went.
Talk soon,
– Carol
Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers Carol. We sincerely appreciate it.
xoxo
Having just gone through allergy testing here, I uunderstand that fear. I will be praying for safe testing, but more importantly a peace that only God can give you!
Thanks for sharing your experience with this Michele. We appreciate your kind words and prayers.
xoxo
I will be thinking of you guys! It is so hard to explain these things to kids and to calm their fears. Be there for her and you will be protecting her!
Thanks for the kind and encouraging words Echo. We appreciate it.
xoxo
Oh, Jennifer. My heart is beating out of my chest right now.
You handled this with grace and the strength any parent can aspire to display. Thoughts and prayers.
Thank you so much for your kind words, for the thoughts, and prayers. We truly appreciate it.
xoxo
Aww, was definitely holding back a few tears reading the conversation with you and your daughter. I agree you handled this perfectly and will definitely be saying tons of prayers for you all tomorrow now. And sending hugs your way, too!
Thank you so much for your lovely words and for the prayers. Our family appreciates it so much.
xoxo
I can’t believe what kids say sometimes. I will be praying for you. So glad you shared.
Thank you so much for your prayers Charlee. We appreciate it.
xoxo
Lots of good thoughts and prayers for tomorrow Jennifer! You handled her question so well. The thought of losing a child is just unbearable. Virtual hugs coming your way my friend!
xoxo
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers my friend. We truly appreciate it.
xoxo
Praying here, too, my friend. I know all too well that feeling of anxiety in a mama’s heart. It seems fine until the child voices those same fears, doesn’t it? God holds you in the hollow of His hand, in the shadow of His wings. I am praying for you too. Your child is so very precious to Him, too – hold on to that truth.
What a beautiful and powerful message Beth. Thank you for reminding me of these truths. We sincerely appreciate your encouraging words and prayers.
xoxo
Jennifer how heart breakingly sweet and wonderful all at the same time. Such big concerns for a little girl and her Mom!
We were reading in James last night about asking for wisdom from God and my 6 year old daughter looked at me and said, “Mom if God has all of the answers and he loves me. What am I worrying about?”
They are so wise aren’t they?
Your daughter is also spot on about thunderstorms, those are scary! Prayers for you and your family as you go through this testing tomorrow!
Thank you so much for your kind words, your thoughts, and prayers Jen. We truly appreciate it.
xoxo
It sure sounds like you handled it well, if she’s worried about thunderstorms instead.
Thank you Christy.
xoxo
It took everything for me not to start crying, I can’t even imagine what it must’ve been like for you to hear those words from her. I pray that everything goes well and the results elate you both. So nerve wrecking, but if there’s any positive to your little girl understanding the severity of allergic reactions, it’s that she understands the severity of allergic reactions and that knowledge can save her life. And I’m also blown away by parents who somehow survive the loss of their babies. I really can’t comprehend it, god bless those amazing parents.
Thank you for your kindness, your prayers, and compassion Rebecca. I have a feeling tonight is going to be a sleepless night for me….
xoxo
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD. -Psalm 118:17
This scripture has comforted me so many times, and I proclaim it for your daughter. Relax. Smile. She’ll be fine.
Thank you so much for the encouraging scripture Angel. We appreciate it.
xoxo
Prayers!!!! From one allergy mom to another-I completely understand. Keep us updated :)
Thank you so much for the prayers Misty. We appreciate it so much.
xoxo
I am the praying kind and I am praying that everything goes well tomorrow at the allergy test. It’s instinct to reassure and I know God knows deep down inside your heart that you didn’t mean to forget him. We are all fearful of one thing or another but knowing that you have Jesus with you keeps the fears at bay (sometimes). Hope you’re having a wonderful day my friend.
Thank you so much for your comforting words and prayers Amanda. It truly means so much to us.
xoxo
What a sweet girl! Kids have a way to scaring the crap out of you and then making it seem like they are ok. Best of luck and prayers xoxo
Thank you for your support and prayers Katie. We truly appreciate it.
xoxo
So many comments to get to the bottom and leave my comment. . . you are a treasure to the blogging world, my friend.
I’ve had conversations like this with my kids. And they always suck the air right out of me. I wonder how they can be so perceptive. And then I wonder what their little minds are thinking. And then I remember how sometimes I think about my loved ones dying and my thoughts get carried away and suddenly I’m sobbing and can’t stop. . . and I’m a grown woman. And they’re children.
I think you handled this situation so well. She is lucky to have you for her mama. I’ll be thinking of your little girlie and praying! Good luck!
Thank you for your kind words and prayers my friend. We appreciate it so very much.
xoxo
I will pray for your sweet one. I have one with a dairy allergy as well. Sympathy pains and lots of dairy-free hugs from over here! :)
Thank you for your kind and supportive message Kati. We truly appreciate your prayers.
xoxo
Oh Jennifer! Y’all are in my prayers! Allergy testing can be scary! My little miss had a full back allergy test at 11 months old! I’m so glad you shared this so that many people can lift y’all up in prayer. Good luck and I pray all is well with her!
Thank you for your kind words and prayers Brandi. We truly appreciate it.
xoxo
Saying a prayer and lighting a candle for your family. xx
Thank you for your support and prayers Cassidy. We appreciate it.
xoxo
Jennifer,
My oldest asks questions like this all the time. They’re so funny and thoughtful, aren’t they? It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one out there with an irrational fear of my kids dying! I have a friend who lost her two year old daughter and every time she mentions it it sends me down a fear spiral! But we have to just press forward and try to be resilient (or at least forgetful) like they are!
I loved this. Thanks for sharing!
Brittany
Yes, children can say things that can be absolutely terrifying. Praying her test goes well today. Thanks for sharing Brittany.
This was such an emotional post to read; the thought of losing a child is unimaginable and it would break my heart to see them express a fear for losing their life. Lots of prayers and good thoughts being sent your way!
Thank you for your kind words, support, and prayers Jessica. We truly appreciate it.
xoxo
Thinking of you and your family and praying that everything will go well. Take care xx
Thank you so much for your support and prayers Ciara. We truly appreciate it.
xoxo
I had a similar conversation with my son, recently when I tried to probe him about his fear of doctors. We talked at length and I did my best to explain to him that nothing bad will happen because he needs to get a booster shot. All this time, I had a huge lump in my throat just for the thought of what would I do if I lost either one of my kids.
I hope your daughter is free and clear of allergies. Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you for sharing your experience with these sorts of conversations Ana Lynn. In several hours this will all be over – I’m praying it goes well.
Oh Jennifer! I hope your daughters allergy test goes well; she couldn’t be in a better place for it, but that is of little comfort when you are scared.
My husband gets a severe anaphylactic reaction if he is stung by a honey bee and it’s scarey. The thought of doing something that may bring on a reaction is terrifying.
Hopefully all that she has been through at the Doctors will prevent any danger to her in the future. My thoughts are with you all!
Thank you for sharing your experience with this Debbie. It’s definitely frightening… but in a few hours it will be over. Thank you for your support my friend.
That is a scary thing. Hearing our fears echoed by our children makes them all the more real. I hope everything goes well!
Thank you for your kind words my friend. We appreciate it.
xoxo
Praying! Please Jesus, we thank you that you ARE the healer. We ask for complete healing – that all allergies would be gone in Jesus name!!!! We praise you in advance for the work you are doing in her body!
Thank you so much for your prayers my friend. I’m standing firm and believing in that healing.
xoxo
Definitely the praying type, and will say a prayer for your little one and her parents too! Hope all goes well!
Thank you so much for your kind words, support, and prayers Jennifer. It truly means so much to us.
xoxo
I am probably reading this too late but I pray her allergy test went well and the experience gives her confidence to tackle the next big scary thing. My daughter has said some things that scared me too like the time she said she’d like to die in a car accident so she could be with Jesus (she didn’t want to wear her seatbelt)!
Thank you so much for your prayers and support Amanda.
xoxo
Oh Hun, I’m just reading this and am a little late but will keep your wee one in my prayers. I hope all went well for you both yesterday. I have enough allergies that make me keep an epi pen near. Bees being on that list for me, and bee season is here :( Be well.
Thank you so much my friend. Your kind words, prayers, and support mean so much to us.
xoxo
I am getting to this a day late, but my heart and prayers are still with you both. I hope it went well.
I feel quite a fondness for her – Princess Shutterbug, right? I can see the way she sees the world. I think she has a very bright future, and I’m hoping with every fiber that she remains healthy and safe, always.
Thank you so much for holding us up in your thoughts and prayers Tamara. It truly means so much to us.
xoxo
Positive thoughts have been with you from us, Jennifer!!
Thank you so much Susen. We sincerely appreciate it.
xoxo
Hello Jenn! Sometimes our children make questions that we just don’t know how to answer them. Last week my little one asked me about my baby ( the one I miscarriage at the beginning of year) and even though I had told him many times that he is in heaven with God, he always ask for him.
I know your girl will do fine… and I’m sending lots of prayers to her.
I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage Remy. Yes, our children can sometimes ask difficult questions indeed.
Thank you for your prayers my friend.
xoxo
Thunderstorms scare me too! I hope everything went ok, and I’m sure she was very brave xx
Thank you for your kind words and for thinking of us. She was very brave indeed.
xoxo
I am just now reading this post and wanted to chime in and say that I absolutely, positively will be praying!
Thank you so much for your prayers Katie. We sincerely appreciate it.
xoxo
I’m so sorry to hear that the test will need to be repeated, Jennifer. I will continue to hold you and your little girl in prayer. These things are never fun, but if they grow our faith and bring us closer to God, then one day we can look back on them and be thankful. That is my prayer for your precious family. Keep us posted.
Thank you for continuing to hold us up in prayer. I am believing in her complete healing. It will come. Your kind words and prayers are truly appreciated.
xoxo
I believe her healing will come, too. As we know, the story ends well for us. It’s the waiting in the middle part that gets hard. Keep the faith & know we are praying with you! xoxo
I found your blog the through Christine at LoveLifeSurf and after reading your September moments came to this post. Our son Jack had medical issues as an infant and it is the scariest thing for both parent and child to go through. Your daughter sounds incredibly sweet and self-aware. I hope that you get a resolution soon! I look forward to reading more! I too am a homeschooling (first year) mom!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience Sarah. We hope we can get some definitive answers in the new year. Thanks so much for visiting Sarah. It’s a pleasure to “meet” you.