fbpx

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. In addition, text and image links to merchants in this post may be affiliate / referral links, which means we may be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking through those particular links. See our full disclosure policy here.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. In addition, text and image links to merchants in this post may be affiliate / referral links, which means we may be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking through those particular links. See our full disclosure policy here.


It’s almost 4 am. I can’t sleep. I’m crying. I’m a wreck.

I have to go to work today. That’s what the trauma counselor said I needed to do in order to get better….

It happened on Monday.

I had just parked my car and was walking along the sidewalk to work. As I was stopped at a crosswalk, I noticed a disheveled looking man across the street, standing with his bicycle. He was holding something in his hands and he was yelling nonsensical stuff at nothing in particular. I did what I always do when confronted with situations like this… I kept on walking past, avoiding eye contact.

Just as I passed him it happened. I heard POP – POP POP – POP.

My heart started racing. I turned around and he continued to yell stuff as he pointed a gun in my direction. A few more pops.

I felt sick and then I realized it was a cap gun.

I immediately contacted my work’s security. I had no description for them… as I had been avoiding eye contact. The minute I walked through the doors of my work I broke down and went to my boss to tell her what happened.

I couldn’t stop crying.

I couldn’t stop shaking.

A nasty circle of thoughts bombarded me.

What if it was a real gun? I did everything wrong.

Why did I freeze up?

Why did I avoid eye contact?

Why didn’t I get a better look at him when I realized it was a cap gun?

My workplace has been so supportive. They made alternate temporary parking arrangements for me. They immediately set me up with a trauma counselor and put me in contact with other counseling services.  I had yesterday off to help me collect my thoughts.

Today I have to go back.

My brain and spirit tells me it will be okay. I will probably never experience something like this again but my heart begins to pound and I feel sick at the thought of leaving the house.

The Miriam Webster dictionary defines traumatized as the following:

traumatizedpast participle, past tense of trau·ma·tize (Verb)

Verb:
  1. Subject to lasting shock as a result of an emotionally disturbing experience or physical injury.

Yes. I’ve been traumatized. To make matters worse this has brought up past trauma of when I was robbed at gunpoint while at work nineteen years ago. Unresolved trauma exacerbated by this event.

I’m scared to leave the house. I get a panicked feeling every time I think about it… but today I have to do it.

I will do it.

And it will be okay.



SHARE WITH OTHERS

Jennifer Bly on FacebookJennifer Bly on InstagramJennifer Bly on PinterestJennifer Bly on Twitter
Jennifer Bly
Jennifer Bly
Author of My Kitchen, My Classroom: An Introduction to Homeschool and creator of The Deliberate Mom. Jennifer writes about parenting, homeschooling, her faith, and life with her husband and two girls. Jennifer has a Bachelor of Applied Human Service Administration Degree with a specialization in Early Learning in Child Care.



Cookies are disabled
Accept Cookies by clicking "ACCEPT COOKIES" button.

Cookies are disabled. This site uses cookies to offer you a better browsing experience. Click the ACCEPT COOKIES button to enable cookies. LEARN MORE

The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this.

Close