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We love our children. We assume our children know they are loved. Do you ever wonder though, if that message of love gets lost in the daily routines, chores, and obligations?

Life is full of distractions. Yet, as a mother, one of my greatest longings is for my children to know how truly and deeply they are loved.

Here are some ways that I like to express my love to my children.

Our #children know we love them, right?! Here are 7 deliberate ways to express your love to them. Click To Tweet

1 – Leave love notes for them.

I love leaving little notes of affection for my children. It delights me when my youngest runs up to me and says, “Mommy can you read this to me?” As I read the note, she snuggles in close and the moment always ends with a hug and a smile.

You can leave notes in different spots and places:

  • stick a post-it note to your child’s bedroom door
  • write a note on their dinner napkin
  • leave a note in their school lunch bag
  • put a note in their coat pocket
  • attach a note to their favourite stuffed toy

2 – Hugs and cuddles.

Physical touch truly expresses affection. Of course your child may hate to be hugged, so don’t force this if hugging isn’t in their nature. However, if your child is comfortable with snuggles, make opportunities to do so.

The other day, during my youngest daughter’s afternoon quiet time, instead of working on projects, exercising, or cleaning, I reclined beside her on the couch and snuggled with her while watching her favourite cartoons. She loved it… and we didn’t move for almost two hours.

3 – Give them your undivided attention.

Whenever you can, try to give your child your full attention when they’re talking to you. Stop whatever you’re doing and listen.

If you’re too busy to be “present” with them, let them know that you want to give them your undivided attention but that you have to quickly finish your task. Set a timer (tell them you’re doing so) and complete the task you were working on. When that timer goes off, seek them out and ask them to share their story/news with you.

This works for me but I try not to do it too often, as I want them to know that what they have to say is very important to me too.

4 – Do something special with them.

We’ve heard it so many times… the greatest gift you can give your children is your time. Yet, it’s hard to make that happen. Try to regularly schedule quality time with your children. Read a few books, go out for ice cream, bake cupcakes together… do something just with them. If you need ideas, check out this post for 30 ideas on how to connect with your child.

5 – Do something for them.

I will never forget the day that I nagged (yes there’s no better word for it) my youngest daughter to clean her room. She cried and fussed and said it was too hard.

I wanted to push the issue further, I mean, I’m the parent here… I asked her to do something, she should do it, shouldn’t she?!

Yet something told me that in this instance my daughter needed tenderness and compassion, rather than be forced to do something she clearly didn’t want to do.

So while she was watching a show for her rest time, I cleaned her room. I sorted her clothes, I made her bed, I put away her toys, I cleared off her dresser, and I set up her play table with a new activity.

The look on her face when she discovered that her room was clean was worth it. She beamed. Then she wrapped her arms around my legs and thanked me.

No, I don’t do this all the time but occasionally it’s needed. Often our relationship with our children strengthens when we step away from power struggles and serve rather than command.

6 – Speak it.

It’s easy to tell our children we love them when we see them first thing in the morning and when we’re tucking them into bed. Yet, I want to encourage you to also express your love in the most difficult times. Like when your child is fighting with their sibling or arguing with you.

Look for instances that they don’t expect to hear that they are loved, and tell them that you love them!

For instance, if your child is angry and having a temper tantrum, you could say:

“I love you so much. It’s hard for me to see you so angry.”

Words have more meaning and power when they’re expressed at an unexpected time.

7 – Be deliberate and intentional.

I find my best parenting moments are when I’m most the deliberate and intentional in my actions. I shine and show my love the most when I pause, plan, and carefully consider how I’m going to interact with my children.

My workbook, Becoming a Deliberate Mom, is now available for purchase! I find that by periodically taking the time to practice the strategies in this booklet, I feel more confident in the ways I’ve chosen to parent my children.

Become the mom you want to be! Check out the Becoming a Deliberate Mom reflective parenting workbook. Become the mom you want to be... starting today!

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I would love to share a sample of my workbook with you. Simply sign-up below and you’ll get access to our subscriber library (which includes a sample of Becoming a Deliberate Mom).


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Jennifer Bly
Jennifer Bly
Author of My Kitchen, My Classroom: An Introduction to Homeschool, creator of The Deliberate Mom, and Deliberate Homeschooling. Jennifer writes about parenting, her faith, and life with her husband and two girls. Jennifer has a Bachelor of Applied Human Service Administration Degree with a specialization in Early Learning in Child Care.

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