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Marriage: 40 Years Of Acquired Pointers!

Marriage: 40 years of acquired pointers #marriage tips

Today is a very special day. It’s my parent’s 40th wedding anniversary! To commemorate this special occasion, I asked the two love birds if they would do a guest post highlighting their tips for a marriage that lasts. The cute little twosome put their brains together and wrote this post to share with us today. So without further ado, I would like to introduce my dad and mom… Jules and Lorraine!

There are several key elements to a successful marriage. Here is what we have done to have a long lasting and healthy marriage!


This was not in play earlier in our marriage but we realize how important it has been in our last 15 years. Without God being in the centre of your marriage then you are like a broken compass – You will never obtain the wisdom, discernment or guidance in how to forge ahead when you encounter the difficulties. Also society seems to be guiding, changing and interpreting morality and what is good and bad. The “take care of yourself” seems to be replacing “take care of your marriage”. God is our most important counsellor!


You must be HONEST and open with each other AT ALL TIMES! This will allow the growth to happen so that your level of communication broadens and deepens through the marriage. We communicate about everything: our goals, challenges, fears etc. Nothing is sacred. Also don’t be afraid or protective about your vulnerabilities but share them in a loving way.


Realize and celebrate and definitely EMBRACE your differences as individuals! We learnt very early on that we don’t have to be CLONES of one another in order to make us a match. We didn’t want to be identical cookie-cutters of each other. “VIVRE la DIFFERENCE!” as God made man and woman different to COMPLEMENT each other.


When your spouse is too tired and doesn’t have the energy to deal with tasks or issues then extend a hand by being his/her Helper. When feeling discouragement then elevate one another with words of encouragement. We all go through cycles of emotions in our lives; so understand this and help be the bridge for each other.


This is a big one. Don’t go to bed angry… deal with issues and forgive. Be the first to forgive – Who cares who is right or wrong? Don’t worry because the person in the wrong always knows it deep down and it’s between them and God to deal with… not you, as you have already forgiven.


“2 Kisses a Day keeps the DOUBTS away!” It is our reminder morning and night that we are loved by our spouse.

mom and dad - post

I would like to thank my mom and dad for sharing their wonderful insights here with us today! I would like to also take this opportunity to say HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! I love both of you so very much! Wishing you many more years of love and blessings!


Jennifer Bly
Jennifer Bly
Author of My Kitchen, My Classroom: An Introduction to Homeschool, creator of The Deliberate Mom, Deliberate Homeschooling and regular contributor to The Huffington Post. Jennifer writes about parenting, her faith, and life with her husband and two girls. Jennifer has a Bachelor of Applied Human Service Administration Degree with a specialization in Early Learning in Child Care.

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44 thoughts on “Marriage: 40 Years Of Acquired Pointers!

  • Tamara

    Your mom looks like you! Or you look like her, rather.
    This is timely because last night was a huge wedding-like party for my mother-in-law and husband’s 20 year anniversary.
    And it was beautiful. They said they have never taken each other for granted. Ever. And I envy that, but for both, it’s a third marriage after two other traumas/tragedies. So even though I feel so immature and bickery sometimes, I have to remind myself that I went into my marriage a lot younger. And there are hopefully many improvements along the way!

    • Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom

      Thanks for sharing about your mother-in-law’s anniversary. It’s so important to never take your partner for granted. Beautiful advice.

      I often hear I look like my mom, I definitely see the resemblance, and I take it as a compliment because I think my mom is beautiful!

    • Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom

      I really do look like her don’t I? Almost every single comment says so – LOL.

      Congrats on your 16 years… I think the pointers shared here are bang on!

      Thanks for your kind congratulations – they are cute aren’t they?! They were so excited to write this… I love their enthusiasm.

  • Janine Huldie

    Aww, Happy 40th Anniversary to your parents and wonderful guest post by them. My grandparents (god bless both of them) were married for over 50 years and when I asked them for how they made it that many years, they both told me they never went to bed angry either. So, I do think there is truly something to be said for that small, but wise piece of advice, too :)

  • Ceil

    Hi Jennifer, Jules and Lorraine! Ok, first of all, it TOTALLY looks like Jennifer in that wedding photo. It’s like you are identical twins or something!
    You list of reasons for being married so long is a perfect one. And it starts out with being close to God, which I just love. And even if it wasn’t on your mind always, he knew it would be, and honored that.

    Respect is a big one for me. And a struggle too! I keep thinking that I know everything, which of course is crazy. But the feeling is still there, and I have to remember to value my husband’s opinion as I value my own. Not always easy.
    Happy Anniversary! One of your greatest achievements has to be your peach of a daughter! I just love her, and I know you love her even more.

  • Jessica Dimas

    Loved this!! I especially love the part where they said to be your partner’s helper when they are down and feeling discouraged. Sometimes I feel mad at my husband when he’s down because I feel like he’s leaving everything to me to worry about, but it’s so true that these are just cycles that we all go through. You are the spitting image of your mom, at first I thought it was you!!

    Tell your parents thank you for sharing their marriage wisdom with all of us, it’s just what I needed to read tonight <3

    • Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom

      I liked the “helper” pointer too. They had such good advice.

      I keep on hearing from everyone that I look like my mom. I can definitely see the resemblance… especially in this photo!

      Thanks for your kind words Jessica. I’m glad this posting was timely for you.

  • Leilani

    So sweet! Their tips are so right on. When my husband and I try hard to do those thing we really do have a happier and better time. The forgiveness part is hard though. Because sometimes you just want to stay mad for a little while :) And I so agree with how it seems couples take turns being in a good place emotionally. And when one is down, the other is strong and can do the emotional lifting. Tell your mom and dad thanks for sharing and congratulations!!

  • Carolina Brenes

    I absolutely loved this post. It’s so hard to see couples that actually stay married. I want to be one of those. I love my husband and I can’t imagine my life without him so I love reading about how to keep our marriage strong.
    My favorite is the last one. It’s so easy to forget to kiss when you have a crazy day.

  • Farrah

    Such sweet and wonderful advice! Love the bottom picture ~ is that of you or your mother? If it’s your parents, you look strikingly similiar! Happy Anniversary to Jennifer’s parents! They raised one awesome daughter :)

  • Charlee Anne

    I’m only in 6 years, and this advice is wonderful! From the beginning, we always decided to kiss whenever the other was leaving or returning. I definitely notice when that doesn’t happen…and I’m not even the affectionate type! Congratulations to your parents for making it to 40 years!

  • Rebecca

    I love the 2 kisses a day thing….I make my husband give me a hug. I call it my “daily” and if he gives me any flack for it, I make it a long hug. LOL Your parents are ADORABLE!

  • Heather @ My Overflowing Cup

    This is precious! I love that you honored your parents on this special day, and that they were willing to share with us their secrets for a successful marriage. I have only been married half of the time they have, but I think their advice is wonderful as it has proven true in my own. Please wish them a very Happy Anniversary and thank them for being willing to share with us. Thanks for the post!

  • Carol Amato

    Hi Jennifer,

    So happy to be on your blog and to comment for the first time. I’m glad you invited your parents to share their wisdom on what makes marriage last for 40 years. I’m celebrating my 33rd anniversary in a week or so, and definitely was interested to hear what they had to say so I could learn also.

    Loved their tips, and wholeheartedly agree that a marriage should be God-focused. I couldn’t agree more! :-) God is our most important counsellor!

    Communication is a challenge and takes a lot of hard work at times, but I agree with them that it’s so important. Respecting our differences is a beautiful thing and thanks for sharing your ideas on this.

    Yeah, I think all couples have struggled with “who’s right, who’s wrong” but forgiveness is a key to a successful marriage, agreed. I’ve heard it said that a successful marriage is simply two people who got really good at forgiving one another.

    I love the two kisses a day advice – gonna make sure this is upheld in my marriage as the years go on…

    Thanks so much for sharing and a belated Happy Anniversary to your parents! :-)
    – Carol

    • Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom

      Thank you so much for visiting Carol – welcome! My parents shared some wonderful and wise advice here… I’m so glad so many people will get to benefit from it.

      Thank you for your warm congratulations… I’ll make sure to pass along your best wishes to them.