Being pregnant isn’t easy. There are many emotions, frustrations, pains and complexities involved in carrying a child for nine months. Men must know this!
However, I have heard a number of pregnant women gripe about how their husband’s idea of supporting them throughout the pregnancy was to capitalize on their cravings.
I feel fortunate. My husband is so attentive and has done a number of things in my first pregnancy (and in this one) to help me feel supported throughout the childbearing process. So to those of you who are not as fortunate, here is a list of things that your husband can do to make the duration of your pregnancy more bearable.
Print it out.
Stick it on the fridge.
E-mail the link to him.
Leave this posting open on the computer.
Send the message loud and clear! You need to be loved and appreciated more than ever… after all, you are carrying his offspring!
Come check out these tips on what husbands can do for their pregnant wives. #pregnancytips Click To Tweet
Dear Husband / Father-To-Be,
You planted your seed and did your duty. WRONG! Now’s the time to step up and show your wife how much you care. Confused? You don’t know what she wants? Don’t worry… here are some quick tips on how to show some love and appreciation to your wife throughout the remainder of her pregnancy.
Sincerest regards, The Deliberate (and pregnant) Mom
THE List for Daddy-To-Be
Listen.
We always need our man to listen to us but now is more important than ever! Hear our woes. Sympathize with our worries. Sincerely listen and hear what we are saying.
Help.
Oh my goodness, there’s no better time to pick up a vacuum cleaner, wash the dishes, do the laundry or make the occasional supper! We are tired and we need help.
If you don’t want to fall victim to the onslaught of pregnant, hormonal explosions of frustration, then make sure to help out around the house.
A side note to the ladies… compliment him GREATLY for how he helped (even if he didn’t do it the way you would do it)… he’s more likely to volunteer to help out again.
Be at her beckoned call.
If she’s craving a grape slushie when it’s -35 outside, don’t try to talk her down from her craving. Get out there and drive around the city to find the perfect grape slushie. Trust me… these are memories in the making and although it seems odd or frustrating now, you’ll both laugh about it years later.
Take her on a date.
Just because she’s carrying your child doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook for taking your lady out on the town. Take her out to dinner, see a movie, or simply browse in a book shop and afterwards go out for tea/coffee.
Be eager.
If your wife is ecstatic about a birthing or parenting class, try your best to share in her excitement. Even if you have to fake your enthusiasm… do it! In her pregnant brain, the lack of excitement = lack of excitement about the baby and/or her.
Read up.
Speaking of being eager, purchasing a pregnancy book is a great way to show your wife that you care. Here are some books you may want to investigate:
The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads to Be
The Birth Partner (Revised 4th Edition)
Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads
Expectant Parents: Preparing Together for the Journey of Parenthood
If you really want to surprise your wife, try purchasing a pregnancy journal like this one and fill it out together!
Show a little romance.
She needs to know you love her… pregnant or not! However, an extra showering of romance can help smooth over her rough days or emotional moments.
A random greeting card professing your love for her, slow dancing in the living room, a bouquet of flowers, a sappy slide show… there’s so many things you can do to help her feel loved. Book a spa treatment for her a month or two before the baby is due, surprise her with a spa treatment.
A manicure, pedicure or massage can really help relieve some of her pregnancy aches and pains. Help her relax. There are a lot of physical and emotional stresses that accompany a pregnancy.
Find ways to help your wife relax.
You could prepare a bubble bath for her, give her a shoulder or foot rub, or surprise her with a magazine.
Book housecleaning services for her a month before the baby is due, while she’s out visiting, shopping, or at her baby shower, schedule a top to bottom professional housecleaning. Coming home to an immaculate home could make the world of difference to her.
Another great tip is to book some additional housecleaning services for a couple months following the birth of the baby.
Treat her to some great maternity clothes.
A great maternity wardrobe can help your wife embrace and accept her changing body. Take her to the mall and let her take all the time she wants trying on jeans and shirts. Let her know you think she’s beautiful (inside and out) Trust me, she’s feeling frumpy and far from sexy. Remind her of all the things you love and adore about her.
This is a wonderful time that is to be cherished and remembered forever. If you have any comments or further suggestions, please feel free to share!
An edited version of this post was included in the parenting book Expectant Parents: Preparing Together for the Journey of Parenthood by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin.
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My husband was very kind to me. I had a beautiful pregnat time, and I felt so loved. :)
Well about house… he didn’t help me too much :D
Have a nice weekend.
That is really sweet
My husband did nothing for me while I was pregnant, in fact he made my life more difficult and lonely. He quit work and now we have no insurance, he sold our only car, he then cleaned out our bank accounts. And when I was due he walked out the door and I hadn’t seen or heard from him.
I’m so sorry to hear this.
What a scumbag. you’re better off without him. I thought mine was bad- smoking weed and staying out all night
I thought pregnancy will be the most beautiful time ever but i never thought the man whom i loved and married will be a reason of my tears every morning.its almost everyday he shouts and yelld at me.
I am 9 months pregnant and i just dont know how to handle this
Dear have patience..God give women so much importance if you men did not give you that importance then thats their fault and meanswhile they have to pay it back..i am also pregnant and my husband also yells at me..but i am just living for my baby and u have also takecare of youself for the sake pf your baby
i emailed this to my husband when i was pregnant and he followed most of the tips given to make my pregnancy a better one!! thank you
Yay! So wonderful to hear!
I was thinking of doing the same thing, but I don’t want to come across like I’m hinting too much! Good to know that I’m not the only one.
Maybe you could leave it open on your web browser?
Thank you very much! Just found out my wife is pregnant. I will take heed to your advice.
Thank you for reading and congratulations!
I’m a dad to be and I feel like I’m doing a ton to keep the house clean. Wash clothes, do dishes, do all the yardwork. I’ve run errands for my wife, helped her with a lot but i could probably do more but there is no appreciation for everything I’ve done and all I get is yelled at for not doing more. What can I expect in the future? She’s 10 weeks.
Maybe ask her (when things/she) is calm what she wants or appreciates the most. Hang in there… she’s emotional and really isn’t herself. Her hormones are raging and she needs you to stick by her side as much as possible. Try to be as forgiving as possible to her irritabilities but you can express when she’s hurt you. Communication is vital. Parenting requires a tonne of it, so get your practice now!
It was the same way for me as well, the second Trimester she should loosen up a bit, at least enough to handle a little bit better.
but one hint from me to you, its not JUST about doing it, they want us to ENJOY doing it. even though you and i know we will NEVER enjoy it. (So put on that fake smile!) and ride out the storm, i am sure it will be worth it! ;)
Oh bro, you’re doing way more than me; but I understand. I tend to think that these investments are truly like seeds in the ground at this time…you can’t see the growth and the impact but it goes a long way. She WILL remember what you did, and hopefully she’s grateful then but even if not…it will shape you into being an amazing father and will most DEFINITELY bless your child’s life.
Hi, when you say about listening and being heard, I just want to add that personally when I open up to my husband, I would appreciate it if he at least gave a response to everything I’ve told him. It hurts when the hubby “listens” and after I’ve cried my eyes out, he turns over and falls asleep. I had a situation where I told him how I was feeling and he fell asleep. My mom calls and asks how I’m feeling and I tell her, he happens to overhear and he gets upset with me that I’m not being open with him. Excuse me?! I just was! That just hurt like you have no idea. I didn’t say anything back but simply got up and walked to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. How can I deal with this type of situation?
My suggestion is that outside of an emotional situation, honestly tell him how you feel and what YOU expect from him when you are sharing your feelings.
If you want to have a real conversation with your husband, don’t do it while he’s falling asleep. If you only have these talks at bedtime, he’s extremely tired and will agree with you just to end the conversation. Encourage him to have that talk with you during waking hours and he will both remember the conversation better and be more willing to change his lifestyle to benefit both you and the baby. This comes from a longtime husband married to a wonderful woman that just saw a positive result after years of trying.
My husband finds it very difficult to make love to me since I became pregnant
I just found out that my beautiful wife is pregnant tonight, we have been trying for over 6 years and have had a number of miscarriages- leading to my cautious mindset at the moment!!! when do i start letting my guard down and enjoy this fantastic moment with my wife???? Do i wait until the first trimester is up or should i just go with the flow. please help this first time cautious DEAR HUBBY get through this time :)
Congratulations!
I can completely identify with your feelings of not wanting to get attached, I talked about this in a posting, One Hundred and Fifty-Five… you should read it if you have a chance.
My biggest regret in my last pregnancy was that I did not allow myself to enjoy the first three months. You never get this time back! So live it! Love it! Enjoy it! Allow hope to take over your heart and mind.
I will pray for a healthy and happy pregnancy. God bless you and once again… congratulations!
Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase. ~ Martin Luther King Jr
I’m a new daddy n rt now reading this while my gf sleeps.I’m going to do everything u said.I’m just worried about money n her collage n everything we didn’t plan this.I’m happy she is 2 but I’m afraid if she blames me or is upset cause this wasn’t are plan.
I won’t know what to say or how to Handel.everyone wants the best for there baby.i feel I can’t give the best to him or her.were 4 weeks
Great advice. My husband has been so supportive and sweet through my WHOLE pregnancy except for a few hickups in the beginning when I was a complete emotional basketcase. He gets defensive and yells. Then I feel like he doesn’t understand and I wonder if he really loves me. It is the hormones I know. He has massaged my back, brought me healthy food, ate dinner in bed with me, rubbed my back and feet when they were aching and has insisted that I rest alothough I am not good at listening to that. He rubs/kisses my belly when he gets home from work and has been very nice. I didn’t expect this kind of gushy stuff from him since we had not planned on having kids until I changed my mind. He is such a good hubby. I am so proud of him.
Soso
My beautiful wife is 7 weeks pregnant and we couldnt be happier. I have been having a tough time dealing with the “strain” the pregnancy has put on our newish relationship. I do absolutely everything In the world for my wife. Massages, housework, encourage rest, nightly runs around town for cravings lol but there doesnt seem to be much love coming from her end. I understand that she is very sick and dizzy all the time but even to hear words of appreciation would make everything so much more enjoying for me.
Your wife is a very lucky lady.
I am 6 months and I can tell you that I am just starting to now realize all my husband did early on. Just hold strong.. she will appreciate it when she starts to feel a little better. You have a long way to go still :)
Well reading this topic has given great knowledge, My wife is having a baby and I’m excited but I’m trying to keep my cool during this whole process.right now she is six weeks and doing well not to much early morning sickness but I know she is strong…Thankyou so much for posting this…
THANK YOU for the info. I am doing my best to “serve” my wife. It is getting a little hardto understand what she needs. I have copped and plopped this info list :O)
Im 13 weeks, my husband has been pretty nice but I think he is getting over it. He seems to be frustrated when I say I dont feel good, although he would never say that. He kind of acts drained and overworked because he is temporarily doing dishes/food per our agreement due to nausea. I do all other housework, etc…Maybe it is too much for him. He just seems so distant.
My hubby has been very supportive up until recently when I am 7 and half months pregnant. He seems to like to attack my feelings by saying that “everything is all about me just because I am pregnant.” Or “I am acting weird”. Just because I constantly forget about things or confused over things easily. He thinks I am over reacting just because I am pregnant and try to lash out on him.What should I do?
I know in my situation (my girlfriend is starting her 11th week) I sometimes do get irritated at the constant discomfort she is going through. My true problem is that I lack empathy. I wish I could know what she’s going through, but I just don’t. I have no understanding. I love her very much and pick up a lot of the slack, but sometimes I just want her to act normal so I wouldn’t have to do so much (work, clean, laundry, babysit her first born); it all just seems like I have put so much in but get little back.
My advice is to make sure he feels appreciated for all the hard work he’s doing while you’re pregnant. Letting him know that you know it’s not easy taking on so much, but that you wouldn’t be able to do it without him (even though you may; just don’t say that… Haha) could help him understand that he is important and that he’s not just a servant.
human women have been getting pregnant for 200,000 years. the man should support and love and care. HOWEVER, she is pregnant, not inflicted with a debilitating illness, not insane, not incapable, and certainly doesn’t have broken legs or arms. I have usually been the one to do the house work with her help, that’s fine I don’t mind that I carry most of the load (laundry, dishes, dinner, mortgage, utilities, feed, walk, and clean up after the dogs, clean the litter box, mowing, gardening, vacuuming, etc., etc.) but now she doesn’t get off the couch. She’s smoking pot all the time even though she was supposed to quit. She’s eating McDonald’s, which to me is poison for a developing fetus. She doesn’t stop talking about her unbearable pregnancy symptoms. How much more sympathy and empathy can she get before I break?
Yeah..ok….well first off I do some of these things on my own and don’t need to be told by my wife or any other woman for that matter, I love the fact that it’s always women complaining…never thinking about us( the MEN) are going through, you think it’s easy to deal with a pregnant woman, you obviously are the self centered type, maybe you should be happy with the fact that your man loves you and not so darn needy, I am all man and try to understand my wifes hormones or whatever they are, but even knowing doesn’t mean we can truly understand because no matter what at the end of the day we are men with more going then just her, …..and real quick…its freaking torture to see my wife in pain and not be able to do anything, to want sex but knowing that she don’t want it, to try to make her happy even when shes pissing me off…heres the only thing a man needs to hear….IT WILL ALL BE OVER SOON MY FRIEND. STAY STRONG!
My wif just told me she was pregnant with my 4th child and we still feel like its our first.
Hi Thank you a lot for your guideline. i will let you know if this helps me or not but no doubt it will thank you i had a big fight 2 day back and just trying to convince her i know i will succeed and try the list given by you not only in this period but also for whole life.
thank you
From
Daddy-To-Be
My Questions are :
(1) Can a Husband do sexual inter-course with his wife during the period of pregnancy of 2nd to 9 months ?
(2) If above (1) answer is “yes” then do this inter-course would be harmful to the baby as well mother — please explain ?
(3) If the above answer is “No” then what the husband shall do in this period of pregnancy of his wife ? The Husband need to sacrifice and become Saint?
Please advice.
thanks
All I have to say to this comment is WOW!!! Dude..whoever you are, why dont you just flat out ask someone to tell you they think it is ok for you to CHEAT on your pregnant wife, IF sex is not healthy for the baby or ok in any way during pregnancy. YES SEX IS PERFECTLY HEALTHY DURING PREGNANCY. BUT, after reading what you wrote, I truly pray a better man that doesn’t feel like having to give up sex for 9-10 months for the health & safety of his wife and unborn child would be ALL ABOUT him “SACRIFICING” Wow…just wow.
I feel my emotions have not been too bad and would really just appreciate my husband asking what he could do. . . then possibly remember those things to do again later. Such as if I ask for a back rub at night, to possibly offer that each night before bed. If I ask him to make me a grilled cheese sandwich, to maybe ask me randomly if I would like one. Learn my craving and suggest to grab it for me without prompting. Reassuring me that I will be a great mom, because I often forget why we chose to get pregnant and often freak out, sometimes silently. However, my husband does a great job handling our finances. I don’t think about a single bill, he also makes me feel like the sexiest “whale” in the world. I appreciate all he does, but need support to not feel like im in this alone.
Hi, thank you for this info…..it will be very useful for me ….it’s going difficult to understand my wife in her first trimester.
I am a father to be.
I am doing the best that i can for my wife cooking cleaning making baths for her doing everything that i can for her.. i understand that this is stressfull for her but it is also stressfull for me. of course i understand that she is in pain and sore but not only am i taking on my responsibilities but i am also doing all of hers.
I try my best not to get stressed or show how hard it is on me but she shows no gratitude for how hard i am trying and am not sure how to change that. if anyone has any ideas i would really appritiate the help.
Here’s a thought for all the daddies-to-be who are griping about taking over a lot or most of their wives’ housework during pregnancy: What do you think most women who work full-time do when they get home? They cook and clean. Suck it up, men. Just because you come home from work and have to do additional housework is exactly what a lot of working women do these days – EVERY DAY.
This really helps… made me realise why I incurred the hormal rage last night. Trying to do my best, but my wife really is a perfectionist and I always fall short, no matter my efforts. Last night I didnt listen well enough… and I have the bruises (metaphorically) to prove it today.
This was really help full , I was so worried what to do , now relieved , I’ll fallow these steps thank you cheers Prabi
Thanks Jennifer for such a lovely ideas . My wife is 2 month pregnant . I agreed that this is the time your wife needs you the most.
Thanks
Daddy to Be
My God some of you posters need to check your spelling. You write like fifth graders.
MR MAN NO BODY IS HERE TO CHECK SPELLINGS WE ARE HERE TO IRON OUT ISSUES BE SERIOUS. THANKS
Wonderful, by Wife is 16 weeks pregnant. It’s our second child we are expecting. Thank God this time I understand most of her feelings. I am always available to help with house work. The first pregnancy was the opposite. I never understood the world of a pregnant woman but now I do. To be sincere,this is a time a woman needs more support from a husband. Please men do as much as possible to help. The 9 months period is so long for an expectant woman than we think. The morning sicknesses, vomiting from time to time; gaining extra pounds; changing the whole wardrobe; feeding habbits e.t.c
Mothers I respect you 1000 times.
I just wished that my husband would be excited for our pregnancy. I’m pregnant with twins and he barely touches or even notices me. This our second pregnancy and even though I have told him time and time again how I feel, and how he makes me feel, he still just stares at me with a blank look on his face and responds with the usual, ” I don’t know what to do.”. If anything I feel I have given him more support during this pregnancy then he has given me. It would be nice if he gave me words of kindness, or love, but nothing. It gets really hard when I’m supporting him while he goes to school. I feel as though he could take a little time everyday to at least acknowledge me and the pregnancy. It get really depressing. He talks to other about me being pregnant with twins as a burden. That hurts the most.
Thanks for the tips! My wife and I have two little ones already and just found out yesterday that we are pregnant with our 3rd. I wasn’t so supportive and helpful the first two times but I am determined to be the best husband for my pregnant wife this time around (Third times a charm). I plan on getting the House Cleaning Services (while I’m at work), Pregnancy massage, Maternity Clothes Mall trip, and a Baby Moon (trip alone before baby is born). I swear I’m gonna get it right this time!!!! lol
My husband thinks I over react to everything. And he does nothing to help me around the house. He wants me to cook, clean (dishes, laundry, carrying heavy things.) If I get sick he pays no attention what so ever. He just walks right on by. If I am laying on the floor in the bathroom he just walks on by. He doesn’t check on me. He has no clue how bad I feel and he could honestly careless! He just wants to know is “are you still sick? Hurry up and feel better, I want sex sex sex.” I have not been able to enjoy my pregnancy at all and I’m guessing it will only get worse.
My wife is in her first month. She won’t even talk to me. I don’t have any way of even knowing what I’m doing wrong. I know she is worried about everything but I would love to hear even about that. She rarley talks to me at all. Wha t am I supposed to do? I’m excited bit she isn’t. Its not her first child. But it is with me
I hear you, man. Same thing is going on with me. She gets mad at me when I ask her if something’s wrong (when something obviously is) and I feel like all communication has broken down. I hate it because I want to be there with her, but the most I get is nothing.
My husband sucks and doesn’t do any thing. If I ask him to clean he will but I have to remind him. He makes me feel like crap I don’t feel beautiful or anything. I’m uncomfortable ad ask him to rub my back and I have to ask over and over again until he says yes. Or if I’m really uncomfortable and say something about it he’ll tell me to stop complaining and That I’m not the only pregnant person in the world ;(
I wish my husband could read ur advice on how to support his pregnant wife, He is so selfish and doesnt help wit anytin. The only thing he wants right now is sex, sex and sex, and unfortunately i dont feel well enough for dat.
well my pregnant wife left the tab open and i read it. im gonna try to do all the things you mentioned. shes about two months pregnant and i already can tell the difference on her.. shes more grumpy and exhausted, not 100% sure why so bad but im trying to understand it. i will do as much as i can for her have a nice pregnancy.
You know, I don’t mind doing a lot of housework and stuff, but sometimes a woman needs a break. I do get overly sensitive and emotional but he doesn’t understand. I send him the link and he ignores it. He complains when I ask him to turn off the light for bed. He groans and complains when I ask for rubs. I am feeling miserable. We never had communication problems before, but now I just HATE him. What do I do?
My husband just avoids me and is ten times harder on me, yells at me and looses his temper constantly. That’s how he helps me. I am considering adoption.
I’m pregnant with twins my boyfriend doesn’t work, I do I always come home At 10 pm to a messed up home that I have to tidy before I can go bed, he shouts at me a lot calls me names belittles me I tell him to stop and I get abused verbally more so I keep my mouth shut! However when my last son was born i didn’t want him there due to him being so disinterested in me this time I’m saving money and looking for a new home, I cry myself to sleep most nights.
Thanks for the article. My wife is 1 month pregnant and i’m already on cloud nine. I see the changes in her already. She eats so frequently and is troubled about tastelessness. I’m going play my part as the better husband.
Thank you so much for this great advice! My wife and I have been married for 12 years and have struggled to get pregnant. We just found out we are expecting and I’m on cloud 9! We are around 10 weeks and my wife couldn’t look more beautiful in my eyes! I look forward to making her life as easy as possible through this awesome time in our life!
Congratulations to both of you! I am so happy you found this information helpful. Best wishes.
My fiancé is pregnant and I try to do things to help out. Clean the house, buy her shiny things, tell her how sexy she is but it’s never good enough. I do love her and she is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever set eyes on I just wish she would see that for once what I do or try to do. But it seems the hormones have taken over.. What to do Sincerly dww
Thank you for this article and the comments below from fellow readers, I was told I need to develop thick skin during this period. I’ll start working on the list above and hopefully I can redeem myself as a husband as well as a man.
My girlfriend lived very slovenly before she got pregnant. She never did dishes, never cleaned up after herself, never did laundry until she ran out of her 30 pairs of panties, always ate out and left messes, you get the picture. I helped her move into her new house and she never really finished unpacking.. there was always sh*t strewn everywhere slightly unpacked but not where it belonged. Fast-forward a couple months and she “forgot” to take her birth control without telling me and I got her pregnant. The minute she found out, she decided she was too tired to do any cooking, cleaning, or exercise. It is her opinion that I need to do literally everything for her while she sits lazily on the couch for the whole day. Otherwise I’m not a man and I am a deadbeat p.o.s. Advice?
Same here, help please!!
Sounds like you need to talk to her and see what she can and can’t do. Based upon your description you seem to have your mind made up about her motivational levels but you have to understand that even if she’s having an “easy” pregnancy, it is physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. Try to talk to her and try to help out with what you can. Communication is key here.
when i was pregnant with twin boys.my husband use to give me back massage and rub my feet.he would help me with house work and help with my three kids especialy with my two year old girl and 4year old girl and seven old boy.he took me once a week date night.we get a babysitter for the kids.when i was on bedrest he bring me tray to my bed and help me to get out of bed to go to the ladies room.the kids loved when the babies kicked and move.he was a god scent when pregnant with all my babies.especialy the twins.
So does this give my four month pregnant wife a pass to not help with any of the house work?
Lol, thanks. My wife’s name is Jennifer too:)
This is a physically, emotionally, and mentally demanding time for her. Try to help out as much as you can. Look forward to the “nesting” phase… you won’t be able to keep her from cleaning like a maniac!
Best wishes to both of you :)
Wish I’d found this sooner. At 39 1/2 weeks on my second and final pregnancy its a bit late to expect anything from my husband now. He was fairly rubbish first time around but did at least attend some midwife and an antenatal appointment with me and showed a bit of interest. This time, no interest what-so-ever and certainly no support, despite him being the one to push for a second… I will keep the link to share with friends who may need it.
I’m 35 weeks pregnant, and I wish my husband would follow at least some of these. I have been a sahm as of October, I was laid off my original job and shortly after had very severe all day ‘morning sickness’, which we find to mean we were expecting again. Our first is two and we decided he needed me at home and so that’s what I do. I do everything, literally everything, except make a paycheck. The man can’t even put soap in the shower himself if he runs out he’ll nag me until I get it for him. The saddest part is when we both worked full time it was all still on me, there was not even one night that he would get up with our first so I could actually sleep. Clearly it’s going to be that way this time. I’m just so tired of pressing on, or first has been struggling with stomach issues for bout 5 months now. I can’t keep up on everything anymore, and I can’t afford a sitter, daycare is out because of his stomach pain.
He was far more helpful when we were married in the beginning. Now I feel like I’m in ths alone. My friends tell me all these sweet things their hubbies do for them and it just makes me sad.
Its not that my husband hasnt been caring or supportive, but since last few days i’v seen him getting pretty with his own life… his routine, activities , outings with frnds over shadow anything to do with me. I have just completed 38 weeks. Today for the first time in 9 months i caught cold and mild fever, and wen mentioned it to him in afternoon he said he was outside and wud callback once he reaches home(in our culture women spend last 3 months of pregnancy at their mother’s home). It is almost midnight and neither has he called nir dud he bother to pay me a visit. Its dis-heartening to watch him priortise everything else over me… now wen i seek emotional support the most.
Thank you for writing this!! It really makes me feel better about what my man should be doing. I think he needs to step it up :)
My girlfriend has periods where she cries and cries. She will shut down. I ask her to talk to me ans tell me at least what she feels and share it with me. She wont. I don’t know if I should just let her have her space or what… Makes me feel it was something I did.
Hi, Jennifer . Thank you for your beautiful comments. I am father to be and my wife 24 weeks pregnant. Please, delete the previous two comment by Susan Mark, she is just trying to advertise spell caster thing.
Congratulations to you and your wife!
Hi,
I’m Nag, my wife is pregnant 6months, but she is in her mother’s home. Her parents fought with me, she is not at all interested to speak/meet me. I’m eagerly waiting for her reply, If i call also she is refusing me. Not sure where it leads to. What can i do now. I’m feeling like seeing my wife n my kid. Daily I’m not getting sleep, no proper food, thinking about her all times. Please suggest.
Can you suggest???
This is tough because only you know how to gauge what the fight with her parents was like. Maybe you need to make amends with her parents. When it comes down to it, when the baby is born, you have the right to be part of his/her life but you can not force your pregnant wife to be with you.
Sorry for your situation but I can’t offer much more than this.
I too face the same situation. My wife calls me names and scoulds me , curses me, throws objects at me and says she wants to leave me as she hates me and leave to her parents. On another end, she sometimes says she loves me and recognizes how much I love and care for her but her past depressive mind fails to accept this fact even though its right before her! Her parents fight with me considering her complaints and allegations against me as serious and clear issue and that I am troubling her. In real, I am caring her in all possible ways , taking vacations days when she needs to go to the doctor, helping her in all the ways possible at home , my mother feeds her like a baby, but still she says me and my mother is a union and she is a separate entity and that I care only for my mom and not her! I dont know how to make her understand I love her the most in this world and that my mom and her are not competitors for my love!!
It had never come to this level till the mid of 3rd month and currently she is in mid 4th month and it is still continuing to be terrible time for me! I am unable to concentrate on my career too. Jenniffer, can you please tell me if this is normal for a pregnant wife to behave so mean to a loving husband or should I seek counselling?
It sounds like all of you are having a rough time.
I’m by no means a medical professional, so perhaps it would be advisable to seek professional care (doctor, counsellor, etc.).
My Wife is pregnant and I was looking for useful information on how to be of help, this is indeed insightful. Many thanks. Expectant Father.
Congratulations! All the best to you and her.
Thanks for the post I just found out my wife is one month pregnant. It was the best birthday gift
I will help her as much as I can
Oh how wonderful – a beautiful birthday gift indeed!
All the best to both of you!
THANKS FOR THE TIPZ. MY WIFE IS 5 MONTHS NOW BUT IM GOIN TO START TO TREAT HER FROM THE FIRST MONTH..THANKS AGAIN
You’re welcome… and congratulations to both of you!
Thanks for the advice. We are coming up on 6 months with our first child, and it has been a learning experience for both of us. My biggest concern for us is her happiness level and the fact that she doesn’t get enough rest. I work a four on four off alternating days/nights schedule, which I think is really messing with her sleep schedule, as we absolutely adore each other and try to spend as much time together as possible. I have noticed her diminishing energy level, but I still can’t convince her to stop doing some of the things she very lovingly does for me on a daily basis. I know it’s a weird “problem” to have, but how to I get her to reign it in and allow me to do more for her without seeming unappreciative?
Congratulations to both of you! You could always just talk to her, let her know you’ve been doing some reading and you know how important it is for her to be resting and that you’re concerned she’s not getting enough rest. See if you can work together to brainstorm ways for her to rest and relax (especially when you’re on alternating shifts).
Best wishes to both of you.
Such a great post!!
http://www.life-as-mum.co.uk
Hi,
My wife is 8month pregnant and we are happy and please suggest me how i can help for my wife,
Congratulations! Any of the tips I shared in this posting would be a wonderful way to help your wife.
Best wishes.
Thank’s a lot & one more thing i want to know that what is the reason right now my wife not eating properly food, diet & anything but at this moment full diet is compulsory and so many fruit & Green vegetables i have arrange for her at my home and if i will suggest to my wife for full diet & Full Belly Food & The mind thinks and gets angry with me some time’s so what i can do in this situation. Please reply me.
All you can do is encourage her to eat well. Perhaps the food that is upsetting her stomach or just doesn’t appeal to her. I would suggest fresh blended juices or smoothies if she’s struggling to eat her fruit and veggies.
Thank’s a lot for the reply or suggestion
I had stayed in the office all day and she is alone at home all day, but my landlord’s wife & her mother in law is good & takes care of the little And am I call her in every break for her care and i have already discuss with my manager that i want two week’s leave for my wife before her delivery.————– I love’s very much to my wife and i want normal delivery what is tips please reply me.
I’m unsure what you’re asking here Nabi. No one can predict what delivery will be like.
Thank’s for your suggestion.I like your tips and information also i will do my best.
Hi please reply me any one
ALRIGHT YOU BOZOS…
Let’s talk shop, shall we?
First off, my personal gripe about “Anonymous” comments.
My personal feeling is that if you don’t have the tiny tenders enough to use your real name, even if you haven’t figured out how to create a FREE Avatar so we can see who you are–I don’t think you should be allowed to post. Just saying.
Cause I don’t know if that’s Bob here and Ken over there–for all I know you’re a single nut job, living in moms basement, snorting Jell-O crystals out of the package with a straw…cause you’re lonely and want attention. So buck up and try to appear like you have a spine…mmm, okay diddums? Okay.
NOW! I’ll share this with you boys once…and you ladies, write this down and convert your hubby-hubbits later if you need to, because taking care of a pregnant (or recently relieved) woman takes skill, determination and a strong shot of creativity, along with an overdose of confidence.
Ohhhh yes, and I am your King.
*Ahem*
RULES FOR REAL MEN (PREGNANT VERSION)
Rule #1: MAKE THE WORLD REVOLVE AROUND HER.
Rule #2: Don’t forget rule #1.
Rule #3: Rule #2 is Non-Negotiable
Got it? The list Jennifer gave was awesome and you know what, she’s spot on!
This isn’t complicated boys. This is your sweetheart. She’s carrying the soul of your child and is willing to go to the brink of death to bring that life—which YOU helped create BTW—and increase your family!
So make what she wants and needs possible. Be creative. Find the sheer joy in your new superpower…cause if you’re not having the ABSOLUTE TIME OF YOUR LIFE doing this, well, I’m ashamed to acknowledge you as a part of my awesome race.
TIP: “My Wife Is Pregnant…and I Need Your Help” are some of the most powerful words known to man. They open doors, soften hearts, lower prices and provide comical relief. When she wants something, know that all the forces in the Universe are on your side. Life wants to expand…and your lovely is now a hub of awesomeness.
(don’t call her a hub, butthead—or you deserve to get slapped)
Any time I have required something for Kathi, it happens.
Once, a few years back—her cravings were particular to a specific restaurant. At 9:45pm, she had a craving that she couldn’t shake and she was huuuuuuungry. What did I do?
I went to the restaurant!
Yes, I realize that it closed down at 9pm on weekdays, but did I care? THE UNIVERSE WAS ON MY SIDE!!
So I stood, in the rain…and lightly tapped on the doors glass. (Note: When the Universe gives you rain, make sure you stick out your bottom lip just enough…and pout.) This got the attention of the lovely college girls working the front desk. They called out, “I’m sorry sir, we’re closed.”
What did I say, men? Come on—this is an open book test:
“My Wife Is Pregnant…and I Need Your Help”
The girls look at each other and come closer to the door. Now they see I’m wet and not trying to protect myself. Why should I? I’m on a mission for my love…THE MOTHER OF MY UNBORN!
“How can we help you?” one asks.
Gotcha.
“My wife is so hungry and has SUCH a difficult time stomaching most food—but you guys make a certain dish that she can eat just fine.” **insert pout here** “Is there anyway you could help me—maybe a last order that didn’t get used or something?”
Did you see that? I was willing to take the scraps if they would help me…(trust me, works the heartstrings)
The door unlocks. “Come in out of the rain,” says the other, “Let’s see what we can do.”
Those girls, bless their hearts, went into the kitchen and started talking to the cooks. Just my luck—the head cook adores his wife and understands my plight.
Now the key here is to always, always, always get a woman involved, especially a younger girl when you need something. Older women are generally less likely to help—as they’ll tell you to tell your wife to suck it up. Young ladies though—they remember mom and they will think you are “so sweet” for doing this for your wife.
Always smile and say, “How could I NOT get it for her if I possibly can?”
SO—I’m waiting there when the bomb drops. Assistant manager walks in and starts barking at a customer standing there after they’ve closed the doors. Then he gets furious about the kitchen going too!
No worries…I have the Universe on my side, and two beautiful girls helping me. It’s SO apparent that the guys here have a things for these two…but tonight, they are MY best friends.
“What do you think you’re doing, Karen?” he snaps, once he hears that I’m being cooked for.
Remember when I said comical? Both Karen and (don’t remember the other girls name, sorry) turned around and slugged this guy in the shoulder. “He’s got a pregnant wife who can only eat OUR food, Steve! Are you going to make a woman starve? Jose doesn’t mind, so why are you being a jerk?!”
End of story: I got my food, with extra for me—AND the girls embarrassed Steve so badly…I got it all for free.
**cracks knuckles**
Superpowers.
…back to you Jennifer.
What a fabulous story Jaime! You should share that one on your blog. You have a lot of stories. Maybe you should start a “story-time” with Jaime weekly feature….
Thanks so much for sharing (and for straightening out the anonymous daddies-to-be).
This is awesome! I’m glad that I have a very faithful and understanding husband.
I feel so very fortunate as well. Thank you for stopping by Julieane.
I was searching for some advice and possibly some comic relief after freaking out on my husband tonight. After reading some of the blogs, I feel more appreciative of my situation and Jaime definitely added the comic relief.
My husband, of just over a year (together 4 yrs), and I about 7 weeks pregnant. I have been very sensitive to smells, especially the smell of cooked meat. I have also had severe stomach/intestinal issues related to UC.
My husband made pork dumplings a few days ago and I told him how awful the smell was. When I say “awful” I mean, as bad as raw sewage. Apparently he did not take what I said about the smell seriously because tonight, I was woken out of a dead sleep to the smell of those dumplings! I yelled at him, cried, and proceeded to open all the windows, allowing the 40 degree air in. I was so mad that I wanted to allow myself to puke on his pillow so he would understand just how bad it made me feel (I know…super mature thought).
The lesson for me here was to spell everything out for my husband. He asked that I make a request and said that he will listen, instead of complaining, because he does not hear my complaints. So, my request may go something like this, “I would like to make a request that you do not cook processed meat in the house while I am home or at least 3 hours before I come home.” And then, he has the chance to agree (to me is like a contract) or disagree.
Maybe this sort of thing will work for others when they are having a hard time with their husbands listening or hearing their wives. Over- communicate very clearly, spell it out for them, and make requests. It’s not that my husband is dumb or that he doesn’t care, it might just be that we communicate differently. I’m sure we will work out these kinks in our communication before long.
I had a strong aversion to some food smells too. Thank you so much for sharing this (and your perspective). Hopefully it helps others understand the point of view of the mom-to-be (and congratulations)!!
I’m 9 weeks along and my husband doesn’t relax me at all he has anger issues hates when things don’t go his way I’ve told him millions of times to relax me and he doesn’t do it. I’ve had it also going by all these stories some of these men suck here of us all women that are pregnant and we’re carrying the child and us women get treated like crap. Like seriously wow men need to get over it and grow a pair I think us pregnant women should go on strike and stand up against men that act this way
Hi Jennifer. My name is Stephen and I am concerned about my wife and I’s relationship. She is only 8 weeks into the pregnancy and for me this is my first time going through a pregnancy. She has two kids from a previous marriage. Anyway, at first I didn’t understand why she was so irritable and seemed to really hate me. We had a rough patch before the pregnancy but things got better obviously or she would not have gotten pregnant. I admit at first I was a little selfish about my own emotions and not getting any affection from her. Now I understand that her hormones are pretty much controlling the situation and I have gone above and beyond to be a very supportive husband. We have only been together a year, but from the beginning we both knew that we wanted to be with one another for the rest or our lives. She doesn’t want to be touched in anyway shape or form. I can’t even give her a little kiss on the cheek or hold her hand, but I don’t say anything about it because I already told her I understand and I respect her. However, our kids get a ton of affection and hugs from her and I suspect that is just the natural response of her hormones and Mommy emotions right now. I have been doing all the things in your article even before I read it. She doesn’t really want the romance or dates so I take care of pretty much all the household duties, I cook, clean, laundry, get the kids ready for school. I do all the shopping etc…I never get any thanks or appreciation for everything I am doing. I don’t expect her to jump up and down, but a thank you or hey babe I appreciate you would be nice. Anyway, everyone tells me it’s just the hormones and not to worry she will come around eventually. I just don’t want us to get used to this and be an unaffectionate and loveless couple. We used to be very affectionate and she loved that I displayed my affection. I just miss my wife and sometimes feel like she can’t stand the sight of me and I even feel like she regrets me. I could just use some advice and support to. I will continue to be patient with her and support her in everyway. Thanks, Stephen
Congratulations on the baby Stephen. This sounds rough… I’m sorry.
I can offer some advice that isn’t in this post – have you ever read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? I’m wondering if maybe you’re not speaking your wife’s love language… which may be why there’s a disconnect between the two of you. If you haven’t read it, I would encourage you to do so and try to discern your wife’s love language. You can even give her the book after you’re done – she may enjoy the read – and it could help her understand your love language. She may have been affectionate but maybe right now that isn’t her love language. Maybe she needs words of affirmation or gifts? Check it out. It might be an eye-opener for both of you.
Thank you! I am definitely going to check the 5 love languages and there really has been a disconnect. I know she loves me, but I just miss her and us. I am willing to do whatever it takes to support her and mend our situation.
Thanks again.
I do everything I can for my wife to be we are only 5 weeks but doing my part means so much to me and making her feel like she is always no1 is everything. I just wished I could do more she is my whole world. She does show me that she appreciates everything I do which makes it all worth while. Even if your wife does not show you how much she does it will come she has a lot going on in her body.
Thank you for sharing such a positive reflection James. Congratulations to you and your wife!
Communication Communication Communication!!!
I cannot say it enough times. My wife is 39 weeks pregnant and could give birth any day. We are both lucky in the fact that it has been a very smooth pregnancy overall. No morning sickness or lashing out. The key for both of us has been an open line of communication. I’ve done a ton for her but she know that words of affirmation is my main love language and always thanks me. It means the world to me that she realizes that.
I always remind her how beautiful that she is and how she is doing an amazing job. We are also open about our hopes and fears.
I highly encourage any pregnant couples to have a talk about what they can each do to work together and make the pregnancy as smooth as possible for the FAMILIES sake!
I really wish I could’ve experienced that with a woman. I’d do everything on that list! Now I’m sad having read it ’cause I want to be a father so bad!