I recently went out for coffee with a dear family friend. She had shared how she felt that new moms often aren’t honest about parenting or what they’re going through… they act like parenting is easy and there are minimal challenges or issues.
I thought about this and I think she’s right. It seems many moms aren’t honest about parenting. They act like they have it all together and put on the facade of supermom.This ego of “supermom” can be truly disheartening especially to new or first-time moms. I think I’m pretty frank about my parenting challenges, especially here on my blog, but I thought I would take a few moments to share a few of my truths about parenting.
Before my husband and I had children, we talked about how fortunate we are to have education and experience in Early Learning and Child Care. Parenting would be easier for us. Teaching should come freely. Mentoring… a breeze. Then we became parents and just like anyone else we floundered.
The skills and knowledge we gained through our educations did not prepare us for the big feelings and the intense moments that are tremendously different and distinct when dealing with your own children, as opposed to dealing with other people’s children.
Would you add something to this list of absolute (and often unspoken) truths about #parenting? Click To Tweet
There will be days that you will want to toss in the towel.
We had a lot of those shortly after our girls were born. Your world is turned upside down and as cute as that little baby face is… you’re overwhelmed, exhausted and maybe a little frustrated (and that’s okay).
I once had a friend that posted on their Facebook wall, “Baby is home and we cut the hospital tags. I guess that means we have to keep him.” I had to laugh… because we’ve all had fleeting thoughts such as these.
Children will test your marriage.
Suddenly there are intense discussions around cloth or disposable… whose turn it is to get up with the baby… and how to deal with enormous temper tantrums. Moreover, if there aren’t intense discussions about these things, there may be intense discussions about WHY there aren’t intense discussions about these things. It’s okay to feel frustrated with one another… guaranteed at one time or another you will feel frustration with your partner. However, at the end of the day, try to remember that you’re a team and try to approach things that way!
Children will test you.
You are supposed to be the “expert” when it comes to your own child but trust me, there are moments when you will look at your child and say, “Who the heck ARE you and what did you do with MY kid?”
Parenting is lonely.
After the buzz and excitement of a new baby settles, be prepared to feel alone. Everyone goes back to their own lives and suddenly you feel like you’re the only person in the world. Try not to let these feelings become a reality. Get out when you can even if it’s a walk through your neighbourhood.
Every day is different.
You think you have things figured out with your new baby and wham… everything changes because they are growing, changing and developing. It’s a constant guessing game. Be prepared to adapt and don’t be too hard on yourself… you’ll eventually discover what works for your child.
Be prepared to feel grossly incompetent.
This is my most challenging truth. No matter how many books you read, parenting is not easy. At many points in time you will feel incompetent and that’s okay because the honest truth is EVERYONE feels this way at some time or another.
No one is perfect.
As a woman who strives to be the best at whatever tasks I take on, I have learned that no one is perfect, especially when it comes to this “parenting thing”. So take a deep breath and try to see the beauty in imperfection.
The sound of your child’s cry may make you feel insane.
This is okay! We are genetically designed so that our child’s cry will drive us crazy! That’s how babies thrive and survive… if their cries didn’t drive us nuts, we would never be fully meeting their needs because there would be no urgent need to do so!
Do not compare.
Do not compare yourself to other parents and do not compare your child to other children. Each family and person is different. To make matters worse, in the age of chat rooms, blogs, and social media sites, it is really challenging to stand your ground and avoid the comparison “game”. However, make sure to remind yourself that people share and post what they wish to share and post. You are not getting a completely truthful “picture” of what their lives are like! They may post all the great stuff and select not to share their daily struggles and frustrations.
I feel like I could prattle off a hundred more parenting “truths”. However, I would like to encourage you to please share your own parenting truths. Let’s take a few minutes to be honest with the other moms in the world. Let’s take a moment to unite and let each other know that we are not alone.
SHARE WITH OTHERS
Haha. Yup. And how ’bout that yelling? I don’t like to yell, but sometimes I do it. It’s amazing how a kid pushing boundaries mixed in with a little sleep deprivation seems to loosen the vocal chords. Or maybe it just shortens the fuse. Anyway, there have been some seasons of parenthood where “sometimes” was more often than I would like to admit. Buuuuuut, I’m admitting it. Right now. It happens.
:)
yes, i was not prepared at how different (and nervewracking/unpleasnat) my own baby’s cry would make me feel… i could always seem to handle other people’s baby crying with a certain equanimity and thought i’d have that much MORE poise and patience for my own…so it was so disconcerting to feel so completely undone (and angry!) when dealing with pigeon’s crying. it’s still sort of terrible and i would say, one of the biggest negative surprises for me. that, aside from perhaps not being able to accomplish anything during his nap times, when i thought i’d be able to work out, clean house, and write a novel while he spent all those hours sleeping. he insists on being held while he naps and wakes the moment i put him down! it’s very sweet but disappointing ast the same time since it leaves very little time/opportunity to reach those goals. but it’s getting better as he gets more comfortable in his skin and there is so much joy to offset these negatives! he really is my new best friend! hang in there, moms!
I love this post and I 100% agree! I’ve also always worked with kids and figured that I would have a “leg up” when it came to parenting. Boy, was I wrong! I felt all those things that you wrote about and more! And I became deeply determined to be honest about my own experience, hoping that it would help other people feel less alone.
Don’t compare! I am SUPER guilty of that and it makes me crazy!
I write a blog about parenting my two boys and I hold nothing back! Moms being honest with other moms will help everyone. Loved this post!
love this! thanks so much for such an honest portrayal. i especially like the last one- don’t compare! that goes for all of life. i will have to remember to come back to this when i have a baby of my own! thanks and happy weekend! Kiele
Amen and amen!!
I’m guessing you’re in agreement Jennifer? *winks*
I enjoyed reading the post very much:) Thank you!
Maria
These are all so true! When my girls were babies, I used to think parenting would get easier as they got older. It doesn’t. It is certainly different and our struggles have changed, but I wouldn’t say it’s easier!