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There are so many messages about how we should and shouldn’t parent our children.

I try to always look for ways to improve my parenting, but it will always be a work in progress.

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I recently saw this video and it has made me contemplate some of my parenting techniques. It left me feeling conflicted, and I’ve spent considerable time reflecting on it.

I see a confident child who is empowered and full of self-worth. It’s so amazing to watch!

However, imagine if the person who filmed this had seen the act of climbing on the counter and immediately stopped it? This wonderful, empowering moment would have been lost. Then I thought if I had walked into the bathroom and caught my daughter standing on the counter top, I probably would have intervened and asked her to climb down.

Why?

As an early childhood educator, I frequently reflect on situations, and I seek out their value. Often it’s easy to see the benefit of letting scenarios run their course. However, I must refer to something I’ve shared before… it is different when it’s your child.

When my daughter was 2 1/2 I had walked into her bedroom and discovered that not only did my daughter figure out the child latch on her dresser drawer, but she emptied the drawer out, moved the speaker (so she could stand on it of course) and was playing with the stereo and the light.

After taking a picture, I had directed her to clean up the “mess” and instructed her on how dangerous this was.

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One could say that this demonstrates a clever, problem-solving child. However, at the moment, all I could see was disaster and injury.

I want to say yes. I try to say yes… but then the mom in me worries about bumps, bruises, and broken limbs. This conflicts with the early childhood educator in me who is more concerned about the broken spirit and the shattered sense of self-esteem.

Once again, this is me… the deliberate mom, reflecting, questioning, and challenging what I do and why I do it.

The essential parenting technique to consider

After watching the video and reflecting on my parenting techniques, I realized that I am bordering on smothering my child. Her rebellious outbursts are perhaps my fault because I spend too much time guiding and redirecting and not enough time observing and enjoying. Could I have perhaps missed out on an essential parenting technique?!

I imagine that the person who filmed this video is someone who is okay with pausing before reacting. Perhaps if the child wasn’t having such a meaningful encounter, the parent would have intervened.

So, I’ve decided that I’m going to pause and start saying yes more often. Whenever I capture a moment (hopefully with camera), I’ll share them here with you. Today I pledge to pause and say yes. I would love it if you would join me and say yes too!



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Jennifer Bly
Jennifer Bly
Author of My Kitchen, My Classroom: An Introduction to Homeschool, creator of The Deliberate Mom, and Deliberate Homeschooling. Jennifer writes about parenting, her faith, and life with her husband and two girls. Jennifer has a Bachelor of Applied Human Service Administration Degree with a specialization in Early Learning in Child Care.


Jennifer Bly is the creator of Becoming a Deliberate Mom: A Reflective Parenting Workbook. Connect with her on Facebook and Instagram for parenting updates and inspiration.

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