I confess. I’m usually slightly neurotic. Now that I’m pregnant, I fear the worse has happened… I am highly neurotic!

I feel like I could write a whole novel about all the crazed moments I’ve had throughout this pregnancy so far… perhaps this will become another blog series for me (especially given that I’m only 15 weeks pregnant). In the meantime, I thought I would take the opportunity to share my most neurotic moment thus far in my pregnancy.

Leading up to my first prenatal appointment, I had these weird flutters in my upper chest area. The fluttering feeling almost made me feel nauseated. I never had morning sickness in my first pregnancy so I dismissed these flutters as nausea. Regardless, I thought I would discuss these odd sensations with my ObGyn. Well, it turns out my self diagnosis was incorrect. After listening to my heart for a couple of minutes she concluded that I have developed an irregular heartbeat.

AN IRREGULAR HEARTBEAT!!!

Oh my God, I’m going to die!!! I swear I was screaming this in my head as she spoke these words to me (meanwhile I nodded and smiled like a normal person). She explained that this is actually very common and is due to increased blood flow and circulation. Nothing to worry about at this point in time. We’ll monitor it throughout my pregnancy and of course, during labour.

So I left her office feeling satisfied that she didn’t seem to concerned about this. Obviously it was nothing. She wasn’t concerned, so I wasn’t going to be concerned either. However, a couple weeks had passed and nagging thoughts weighed me down. Just how common is this irregular heartbeat thing? Could I have a heart attack? Will it indeed go away after I give birth?

So then I did what any neurotic person (with an internet connection) would do… I Googled irregular heartbeat during pregnancy. I read many different articles and forum postings about this. It is indeed quite common. Apparently there’s a pregnancy “safe” medication that can be taken if the condition worsens. Usually it goes away after childbirth. But then I read IT… the posting that sent me off the deep end. A woman wrote about how her daughter (who had this condition) died while giving birth to her grandchild.

Died. Died? DIED!!!!

My head started spinning. What the hell was wrong with my doctor? Why didn’t she tell me that people die from this? Why didn’t she tell me that I’m going to die from this? Oh my God, I’m going to die!!! (Yes, I suffer from some anxiety issues).

I swear my husband loves me like crazy but if anything were to cause him to divorce me, it’s my irrational behaviour after I’ve Googled something.

Needless to say, he loves me a lot and he quickly calmed my fears. He reminded me that this was one posting out of the thousands I had so diligently read. He also reassured me that he was going to be with me throughout the delivery, just like he was the first time and everything would be okay. Then he pulled out the popcorn maker and a switch flipped. Time to eat. Mmmmmm… popcorn.

Yes. I’m neurotic… a pregnant neurotic.

Jennifer Bly

Author of My Kitchen, My Classroom: An Introduction to Homeschool and creator of The Deliberate Mom. Jennifer writes about parenting, homeschooling, her faith, and life with her husband and two girls. Jennifer has a Bachelor of Applied Human Service Administration Degree with a specialization in Early Learning in Child Care.