Setting rules with children is essential, but how do we begin this process? Parenting is a lot of work, and there are many tools and resources to help you. However, to be an effective parent, you must establish clear rules and limits… with your children’s input! After all, children are more likely to follow our direction and guidance if they are involved in making the rules for the household.
This article will explain why it’s vital to create rules with children. It will also demonstrate how to involve children in this process.
Children.
They never fail to surprise me.
While I think I have them figured out, they do something that sends me reeling.
For instance, I recently decided to do an “official” cooking program with my children. While they’ve done a lot of cooking with me, I want them to learn to cook various meals themselves.
Before embarking on this journey, I thought I would sit them down and ask them what rules we should have for our cooking class.
Their responses were hilarious… and ridiculous.
Rule #1 – Don’t burn down the house.
(LOL – I think that would be a given.)
Rule #2 – Don’t cut off your fingers.
(Agreed.)
Rule #3 – Knives are only to be used for cutting.
(What else could they be used for? Actually, don’t answer that.)
Rule #4 – Only lick your fingers if you’re not cooking with eggs.
(Gross. I’m beginning to think cooking with them is not a good idea. LOL)
I’ll stop here because this continued until they started developing practical, tangible rules.
WHY INVOLVE YOUR CHILDREN IN THE RULE-SETTING PROCESS
I’ve shared this story with you because children NEED to be part of the rule-making process. And while their rules may be slightly ridiculous (and hilarious), they thrive on opportunities to have some control over their environment.
Control for children is essential. Giving children control helps them feel less anxious. They know what to expect, and the fact that you’ve included them in the rule-setting process helps them feel valued.
In addition, by participating in the rule-making / limit-setting process, your children are more likely to follow the rules and stay within the limits. This is because:
- they are invested in the rules (after all, they helped think of them)
- your children are more likely to remember the rules/limits because they were involved in the process of setting them
HOW TO INVOLVE YOUR CHILDREN IN SETTING RULES
If you’re wondering how to involve your children in the rule-making process, here are a few suggestions.
1 – Host a family meeting. Set a time and day for the family to discuss the rules.
It’s important to hang up a meeting agenda beforehand so everyone knows that rules and limits will be a topic at this meeting. Doing this lets your children start thinking about how they want to approach this process.
2 – At the meeting, introduce the topic (what activity are you creating guidelines and limits for). For instance, what will be the hotel rules if you’re going on a trip? Or, if you’re planning a play date, what are the limits for that event?
3 – Document all of their ideas on a big piece of paper. EVERY contribution must be written down. Every child needs to feel respected, heard, and valued.
4 – After all the ideas have been written down, involve your children in narrowing down the list. Sometimes, several rules can be combined into one, so facilitate the process of grouping these guidelines. For example, with our cooking rules, we could combine:
- don’t cut off your fingers
- knives are only to be used for cutting
Our guideline might be always to be safe when using a knife.
5 – Encourage your children to vote on the top 3-5 rules. We don’t like long lists of rules, 3-5 MAX ensure that these guidelines will be remembered more easily.
6 – Post the finalized rules in a visible spot somewhere in your home. Want to make it fancy? You could post them on a rustic chalkboard or a letterboard.
So there you have it… that’s how we set rules and limits in our household.
Do you set rules with your children, too? What does your process look like? Comment below and share with me!
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I needed this Jennifer, thank you. We have struggled with rules that the kids will follow consistently. Including them is so important.
I’m glad you found this timely Tiffany. Children respond so much better to rules when they are involved in the process of making them. :)