I’ve been blogging since June of 2010. I’ve put almost 6 years into writing, sharing, and connecting. It’s been only in the past 2 years that I’ve been trying to make an income from my website. I’ve done many things to monetize my blog:
I’ve tried my hand at freelance writing.
I’ve written a book.
I’ve written a time management course.
I’ve tried selling products.
This past week has been especially intense. As many of you are aware, I’ve been participating in the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle sale.
I was super excited about this year’s sale because my book was one of the resources included in the bundle. One of the benefits of having a book in the sale is that you get a better commission than being a straight-up affiliate. For me, this felt like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make an income and I felt a huge pressure to make the most of it.
I attended the live webinar events, I set goals, I made to-do lists and timelines, I read through all of the promotional materials, I recorded a horribly awkward video for the sales page, I crafted 5 posts, as well as wrote and rewrote countless emails.
My efforts were repaid with unmet expectations and huge disappointments. I worked so hard, yet at this point in time, it feels like I can’t make the sustainable income I was hoping for. Heck, some months I’m losing money because of the costs associated with running my sites.
So what do I do when I feel like I’ve failed?
1 – I cry.
2 – I pray and cry.
3 – I contemplate abandoning my blog.
4 – I cry at the thought of not having my blog anymore.
5 – I talk about it.
6 – I cry some more.
7 – I reflect.
8 – I grow.
I’m sharing this outpouring of my thoughts, heart, and emotions for a few reasons:
I am perfectly imperfect. While I try to share my shortfalls as a homemaker and a mom, I think sometimes it’s lost in the help that I try to offer and the hope I wish to give. Friends, I am deeply flawed… we all are. But I’m proud to share that even though I’m flawed God still loves me. Despite all of my failures, flops, shortcomings, and disobedience, He still loves me!
Blogging is tough. I want you to know that I struggle as much as any other blogger. While it may seem like I have things figured out, I don’t. There will always be someone who knows more than me, someone who knows more than them, and so on. Every experience is an opportunity for growth and change. The exciting thing is that when I hit this low, I grew, I expanded, and I learned so much. I couldn’t possibly even begin to put a price tag on the wisdom I’ve gained, and for that, I’m thankful!
One of my revelations was that I feel like I’ve been striving as opposed to serving. When my vision gets skewed like that, I know I need to step back. While I would love to make an income from my blog, my efforts are meaningless if I don’t help and serve you the best I can.
Which brings me to last Wednesday….
For over a year I’ve felt nudged to write a devotional / Bible study and for over a year I have disqualified myself from doing so.
The excuses for my disobedience are many:
“As a relatively new Christian, I really don’t know anything about the Bible.”
“I haven’t been to seminary school or taken any Bible classes.”
“What if I write something that is wrong or misleading?”
“What if I misdirect God’s people? I don’t want to be responsible for that!”
I have been saying no to God.
Then, last week I met with my mom and dad and we began our own exploration of scripture. As we opened up the Bible and read the verses before us, I had a revelation, a starting point, and a foundation for a Bible study.
My no needs to be a yes. God is asking this of me. I need to follow through. This frightens me to share my prompting to write a Bible study because it means that I need to follow through. But, I’ve told you this because I have been hushing the whisperings of my heart and mind for far too long. It’s time to shout them out and get to work doing what God has called me to do.
I am taking a break. Every year I take a blogging break at Christmas and in the summer. In light of these intense feelings I’ve decided to bump up my summer break. I need some time to reflect and decide what to do next. I know I need to write this Bible study and I will need to pray and think about how to begin the process.
I also know that I need to step away and spend time with my girls, family, and friends. This big beautiful life is for you and me… I don’t want to just write about it, I need to live it! I need the wind in my hair, the grass beneath my feet, and the giggles of my children to fill my days once again. There’s been too much activity and not enough quiet; and there’s been too much work and not enough play.
Thank you, as always, for meeting me here in this space and place. I treasure you dearly and wish you a wonderful month of May!