Life has been rough lately. At times like this, it seems all too easy to scream at God and ask Him what is going on, and to tell Him that I’m mad at Him.
It’s been two weeks since I had my traumatic experience with the cap gun wielding lunatic and I’ve been processing a lot since then. However, there’s something that I just don’t understand…
That morning, like many mornings, as I drove to work I prayed a prayer of blessing and protection over my family. I asked that the blood of Christ cover and protect us… yet this incident happened.
Why!? Does God listen to my prayers? Do my prayers matter? Does He hear me? Why did this happen to me?!
I don’t have the answer. You don’t have the answer. But I’ve been angry about it. Why me? Why? Why? Why?
I truly believe that this life isn’t about being a good person or even being a good Christian. By loving and accepting Christ, through that act, I’m a good person by default.
Regardless of this knowledge, I’ve been questioning if I’ve done something wrong. If I’ve failed in some way. If I haven’t been a good person and if some way I brought this misery upon myself.
Last night I went to church and as I lifted my voice up to God, I sang strong and I sang loud… the song that God prepared for me… Your Love Never Fails.
You stay the same through the ages. Your love never changes. There may be pain in the night, the joy comes in the morning. And when the oceans rage, I don’t have to be afraid, because I know that you love me. Your love never fails….
The tears began to flow. My anger melted and appeared as tears streaming down my face.
I don’t know why this happened to me. I don’t know when I’ll feel “normal” again… but I do know that I’m not angry anymore. I didn’t “deserve” this.
This isn’t a punishment.
My God loves me and I’m ready to be loved. I’m ready to comforted and healed by my Lord… my God.