Blogging is ruining my life. How’s this, you ask? Well, let me jump to it and I’ll tell you all about my blog-induced woes.
I used to be a good cook
I used to be a good cook but now that I’m a blogger I burn over half of our meals. I swear I was just responding to one email… and then there was another one and another one and another one….
My children have become all too familiar with the sound of the smoke detector and they have mastered “stop, drop, and roll”.
I can’t sleep in
I used to love sleeping in. My kids usually sleep until 7:45 or 8:00 am. I get up at about 6:00 am (for me that’s sleeping in). However, now that I’m a blogger I’m up at about 5:00.
Why am I getting up so early? Well, it’s because I’m certain that TODAY’S post is the one that’s going to go viral. Does it go viral? No.
I’m apparently ignorant too
Do posts go viral the minute they go live? No. So WHY IN THE WORLD am I waking up at 5:00 am in anticipation of a post going viral?
I have weird dreams
Speaking of sleep, I have weird blog-related dreams. For instance, I’ll be writing a blog post in my dream and wondering about a word….
Is it the best word?
Is it a real word?
Yeah, I’m certain “florbitualy” is a real word.
I wake up in the morning irritated that I spent the whole night thinking about a word.
I’ve forgotten how to socialize
This is not a good thing. It takes a concerted effort to go a whole evening without echoing something that’s already been said on my blog. I may even “leak” something that’s about to go on my blog. Then I feel stupid, like it’s supposed to be “hush, hush” and I don’t want the paparazzi to find out what my next blog post is all about.
I’m addicted to my email inbox
8:05 pm: I have a new subscriber! Yay!
8:09 pm: Someone commented on my Facebook post! Yay!
8:13 pm: Someone wants to pay me to review something! Yay!
8:18 pm: No email? Why is everyone so quiet tonight? Nobody likes me! Waaaaah!
Online I’m a great buddy, sweet, funny, maybe even hilarious… but in real life there’s not much to talk about because I blog about my life. Oh that’s right, I can always talk about my blog *yawns*.
I work for pennies an hour
Seriously, if I could invest this much time in any other job, my family would be in a much better financial position. Unfortunately most jobs don’t allow you to take your kids to work or have the uniform of PJs. Oh well, I guess this is the price of being an artist.
I have an inflated ego
Did I just call myself an artist? Ha! I used to be so humble. Now look at me throwing around terms like “writer”, “professional blogger”, and “artist”. You can laugh now. Seriously. I’m snort-laughing over here.
My mood looks like my Google Analytics Dashboard
Yes, it’s sad that a “big” post can make me so cheery and a day of crickets can make me contemplate quitting the blogging gig altogether. Fortunately there’s always another spike around the corner… just don’t look too closely or you’ll get whiplash from my moods.
Before I get texts, emails, or phone calls about this post please note that I’ve exaggerated slightly (okay… maybe more than slightly) for comedic purposes. If that makes me less “real” as a blogger then, well, take another look at this picture which I previously shared on my blog. It doesn’t get any more “real” than that!
There I go sharing bad photos of myself on the internet… once again. These photos will forever come up in search engines and I did this to myself?!
I use my brain power for writing… not math
I’ll write and write and write but apparently I can’t count because I just gave you 12 reasons why blogging is ruining my life… not 10.