Do I ever have a treat for you today! I would like to introduce to you to my dear blogging friend, Jaime Buckley.
Why does that name sound familiar, you ask?
Well, I’ve done a 6:00 shout-out on Facebook about him, there’s a huge ad in my sidebar promoting his blogging book, AND he is the rascal who publicly challenged me to participate in NaNoWriMo! I would describe Jaime as brilliant, kind, generous, and passionate about life. He’s seriously a hoot and I can’t wait for you to meet him!
Also, make sure to claim your FREE GIFT from Jaime at the end of this post… it’s an awesome goody!
So without further ado, here’s Jaime sharing:
The Top 10 Things People Say to a Father of Twelve
I want to thank Jennifer for suggesting this topic.
It’s a pleasure to write guest articles, to be invited to another domain and have the confidence of another blogger to share thoughts and feelings with their circles of influence.
The sad thing is, the article requests made to me are usually about fantasy, writing, worldbuilding, blogging or some other aspect of business. This is the first time I’ve ever been invited to talk about my family... which is the joy and center of my life.
Thank you for that, Jennifer. I’ll try my best not to disappoint.
My name is Jaime Buckley
If you don’t mind, I’d like to share some personal parts of my life with you. My friends say I have a fantastical life, but I like to think of myself as an ordinary guy.
Yes, I work with elves & dwarves, tame dragons, train heroes, topple kingdoms, craft magic and shape worlds of wonder…but that’s just my day job.
The real magic in life always begins when a girl’s involved.
This was no different.
Twenty four years ago I meet the most remarkable woman in the world.
She was perfect.
Truth be told, she smiled at me once and it was over.
Literally.
My heart melted and this wayward soul did a dramatic 180 degree turn and never looked back.
On our very first date, she started crying.
“Are you ok?” I was seriously worried—girls usually didn’t cry unless I tried to sing to them, and that was usually due to pain.
“I…think we belong together,” she said behind the tears.
I smiled, “And…that’s a problem?”
“My mom said this doesn’t happen! The whole love at first sight…”
My smile grew wider. “Well, let’s see here. Happened to my grandparents—they were engaged within two weeks. Happened to my parents, who were engaged in two weeks. Sounds like we’re right on track.”
We were engaged in just over a week.
Hey, what can I say—when ya got it, ya got it.
To this day, when Kathilynn smiles at me, I still get butterflies.
I love that about her.
If I could describe my wife in one word, it would be:
“Wow.”
Seriously, that says it all. Everyone who knows her would back me on that definition as well.
Kathilynn will deny it, but this has already gone public, so she can’t do anything about it.
Neener.
She was everything I ever wanted…and over these few short years, I’ve also learned she has always been what I needed. My darling, my best friend, counselor, critic, strength, inspiration and truthfully…the beat of my heart.
We have the same religious beliefs, live by the same principles and share the same passion for family…and especially for children.
So we decided to have twelve of them.
It’s humbling to have such an amazing family. To have the privilege, joy and honor of being a “successful father” to twelve intelligent, strong, beautiful and talented children.
So you know, my wife insisted that I use the term “successful father” in that statement.
How do I define successful?
Out of our twelve children, three are married. Two daughters and now a son—who has yet to come home from his honeymoon. These three have chosen to live by the principles and spiritual teachings they were brought up with. They are thinkers, doers, followers of Christ and have chosen to impart these same beliefs and standards to their own children…which we already find reflected in our four grandchildren.
My married children have chosen wonderful spouses. All three saved themselves for their betrothed and two refused to even kiss their love until the marriage ceremony. Both son-in-laws came to us and asked my wife and I for permission before courting or proposing to my daughters (which blew me away).
It’s difficult not to get overly emotional when I see the caliber of men God presented to my daughters, due to their faithfulness and diligence in remaining unspotted.
All of our children have a deep love for family. They all choose to remain close to my wife and I. Most of their friends do not share such a relationship with their own parents, which is heartbreaking to see. Our children are leaders, guides and productive members of the community we live in, earning their individual reputations among both peers and parents.
In a world where Wal-Mart shelves are packed with birth control, DNA tests and the government asks every new mother if a child was conceived by their marriage partner or someone else… I cringe. All I have to do is look at the millions of broken marriage vows, broken homes, latchkey kids and teens who hold up celebrity hussies and athletic malcontents as role models and yes, I most assuredly consider myself a successful father.
The thing is…the credit isn’t mine.
It has never been about me.
All of these blessings are mine to enjoy, but the glory belongs to God.
The Comical Side
With an opening like that, you may think we live in a remote community, cut off from the world, wearing shawls and using horse-drawn buggies.
Uhhh, no.
We’re quite the crazy family, filled with love and a whole lot of laughter. You can’t help but have fun when each member of your family is artistic, intelligent and mentally quick.
I’m the epic fantasy writer/storyteller. My wife is a master crafter/seamstress/candy maker. My oldest son is a comedian and game maker. My second oldest son is a master sculptor, sings and plays the Ukelele. All my daughters sing, draw, sew, craft, make toys…and even the smallest children follow in their footsteps.
We are also Whovians.
So I’ll just say it outright: We’re a hoot.
To not like a Buckley is, well…you’re probably one of those people who don’t like kittens or puppies.
…or talk in theaters.
Now, I’m a talker and no matter where I go, I’m in conversation—even with strangers.
It’s what we do as Buckley’s.
So it never ceases to amaze me what people say when they find out that I have twelve children. If you spend any time on WantedHero.com, you know that I’m always talking about my kids. Working with parents and especially teens on a daily basis gives me many opportunities to talk family shop.
Here’s the top ten things people ask or say in my day-to-day life, including my usual responses (Jennifer can vouch for my personality in these responses, BTW):
#10: What is it like to have so many kids?
Well, how can I describe this….It’s like having one child, with a few more thrown in.
That’s what all these questions and comments turn out to be—caparisons. This question is usually followed by, “Do you take them everywhere?”
Yes…but they always seem to find their way home.
What people fail to understand is that my experience as a father has been so utterly fantastic, it’s the very reason I have never hesitated in having more.
It’s blissful to me.
When Roman, our newest addition, was born—my oldest daughter took all but our youngest to her home, giving mom a few days to rest. You know what happened? Both Kathilynn and I had separation anxiety and wanted them all back.
#9: How Many Boys? How Many Girls?
I always answer this the same way.
“I have all boys but eight.”
#8: Are They All Yours?
Well, no. Some are rented and a few followed us home one day. Since their owners didn’t show up, we decided to keep them.
#7: Can You Remember All Their Names?
There are so many of them, I don’t bother with names—we just glued bar codes to the backs of their heads.
You know what’s actually comical about this question—is when I tell them all my kids have a second middle name. My wife is half Samoan, so when we got married, it was important to us to teach our children a little about their heritage. My father in law was asked to give each of his grandchildren a second name.
Ohhhhhhh boy. Talk about tongue twisters.
My daughter Leilani’s middle name is 19 letters.
Nathan’s is 17 letters.
…but the grand prize goes to my grandson, Sam. His second middle name is 52 letters long.
He’s still only 2, but I can’t wait to watch that kid write a check.
#6: WHY Did You Have So Many Kids?
Ok, this one is a really sensitive one for me.
A friend was with me once, standing in line at a grocery store when someone asked this question. Bless his heart, before I could respond, flustered as I was, he placed a hand on my shoulder, leaned past me and smiled.
“Lady, trust me when I say—if you met his kids, you’d want as many as you could get.”
Made me cry, but that’s exactly how I feel.
Before Kathilynn and I got married, she pulled me aside. She told me quite passionately that she wanted to have twelve children. She’d always wanted twelve kids and asked me if that was alright.
My children are blessed with a mother who has dedicated her life to them…so here’s how I look at it:
Amazing Kids + Amazing Mother = Bring It On!
#5: Are They All From One Wife?
I still laugh until I hurt with this one.
Yeah, I get that they mean have I been married before, but we also live in Utah.
When I started traveling to the East Coast for work, that question was often followed with “You’re from Utah, right? How many wives do you have?”
I got a lot of laughs as I stood there, completely confused.
“How many…WHA—HUH?!?” I stammered.
Yes, they are all mine and Kathilynn’s.
No adoptions. No twins. No polygamy.
#4: How Do You Provide For Them All?
You might be wondering where all these questions start from.
More often than not, it’s when we go grocery shopping and start putting 6-8 gallons of milk, 20 dozen eggs and 11 pounds of butter on the counter, just for starters.
“Well someone’s having a party!” A person in line will say.
Then the fun starts.
“Nope, this is just to feed the kids this week.”
“This WEEK? How do you provide for that many kids? You must be RICH!”
Well, I am wealthy—which I attribute to my family, but the secret is, we know the difference between wants and needs. That’s where many families find themselves bound.
Is your heart focused on things or people?
That simple distinction allows me to do quite a bit for my family and we have always had enough for our needs.
Ask my kids if they feel deprived and they’ll laugh you out of the house.
#3: Well I Know What YOU’VE Been Doing With Your Wife!
Thank goodness someone finally noticed!
All the driving, cooking, cleaning, reading bedtime stories, community activities and church functions…it really wears a parent out. It’s nice to have someone see the efforts Kathilynn and I make to be good parents.
Now on a side note: REALLY?
There was once a woman who made this statement with such volume and vulgarity in a grocery store, my wife was almost in tears. You may not believe as we do, but our family is our life and joy.
Kathilynn is the saint of this marriage, IMO.
I am not. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
My duty is to kill the snakes, face the dangers and prepare the path so that the bare feet of angels my tread softly, without fear or hinderance.
Mock me if you like, but you will not mock my wife.
(see #2 below)
#2: I Could NEVER Have That Many Kids!
Hey, having children isn’t a contest.
If it was, well…
Besides, the prize is what you make yourself. If you truly want Heaven on Earth, nothing’s stopping you. I have it nearly every day.
Get to work and make it happen.
We all have different wants, needs, capacities, passions, beliefs and goals in life. Diversity is awesome and we should be supporting one another in our good choices—not being cruel.
This statement is very common and is made either with a smile and laughter, or with intensity and disdain.
The same woman I mentioned above, added, “That’s just DISGUSTING! I could never have that many children!!”
The people in line were both shocked and embarrassed. The checker, who knew us as frequent customers, frowned…while a man and his son, standing in line behind us, growled.
With a kiss on her forehead, I whispered to Kathi that I’d meet her in the car.
I teach my children that you should always be kind…until it’s time not to be. There are times when people should be made aware of their unacceptable behavior. Private trespasses should be kept private. Public ones, well…you get the idea.
The process isn’t always pretty—especially when a barking dog only hears another barking dog.
I thanked the cashier for the change and smiled at the woman.
“Maam, may I ask you a question?” My tone was calm, soft and even, but loud to be heard to the back of the line.
“What,” she sneered at me, pushing forward in line to take my place at the counter.
My grin never faltered as I politely stepped out of her way. “Do you realize that you hurt people’s feelings when you talk like this… or are you just an ass on purpose?”
Everyone froze, including the cashier.
“My wife and I love and adore out children. We care for them, clothe them, feed them and care for them tenderly. We didn’t need your permission, your consent nor your approval to have them, but you felt to be cruel to total strangers who did you no harm whatsoever.
“That was unkind.”
“I do want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, however, for expressing that you’d never have that many children. It makes me feel SO much better.”
”Really, why is that?” she jeered.
“Because some people really shouldn’t breed,” I winked at her and added, “Bad for the gene pool.”
The cashier slapped her hand over her mouth.
“How dare you!” the woman stammered. “Who the hell do you think you are?!” Then, spinning around to the man behind her, standing with his son, she asked, “Can you believe the nerve?”
Without missing a beat, the man glared at her and put his arm around his son’s shoulder. “Yes, I can. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Looking to me, the man added, “God bless you. I have seven myself.”
The woman bit her lip and stood there silently, avoiding eye contact until she scurried off.
#1: Are You Going To Have More?
Laughter usually comes with that question.
If I’m with Kathilynn, I’ll nod and say, “Ask her.”
We were asked that today while out and about, and though Kathi stood there grinning, I
said, “We just had number 12. That’s not a very nice question to ask.”
To which my wife added, “Ask us again in a year.”
So who knows…
Conclusion
To me, life is about family.
Always has been. Always will be.
It’s why I write. It’s why I teach. It’s why teens and parents are the focus of my existence in a professional capacity.
There is nothing I love more, than being a father.
It’s what I was meant to be.
I’d love to hear about you, about your family and what you define a ‘successful parent’ to be. Leave a comment below and lets’ get to know one another.
Thank you Jennifer, for this fantastic opportunity to share a sliver of my life with you and your friends =).
Loving husband and father of 12, Jaime Buckley is the children’s champion. This self-taught writer, illustrator & game maker, entertains the young and young-at-heart with epic fantasy and parental cleverness. His focus and passion? Just one line: You are more than you think you are.
Jaime can be found over at: WantedHero.com
A special gift for readers of The Deliberate Mom!
Jaime is offering 40 free copies of his e-book, The Good Parent: Essential Principles For Raising Your Kids.
To claim your free book, just click the link for the book, place one copy in the cart, and use the coupon code: deliberatemom at the checkout. Please note, only 1 e-book is available per email address.
Thank you for your generosity Jaime!
Loved getting to know Jamie here today and definitely smiled reading how he met his wife and all about his wonderful and amazing family, too!! ;)
Good Morning Janine =)
Isn’t love wonderful? One of my sheer delights is talking about Kathilynn. She’s always a bit uncomfortable about the light I shine on her.
As I always tell strangers, “If you ask Kathilynn about our story, it’ll be accurate…but if you ask me, it’ll always be more entertaining.”
Thank you for stopping by and commenting.
Have a wonderful day =)
Thank you Jamie. One of my grandmother had 12 and the other had 14. Back then it was almost like the norm. I can totally understand where SOME of the questions come from. In this day and age most people think that just 1 or 2 is acceptable. I have 4 myself and I love them immensely. I can tell from just reading this that you’re an amazing father and how I would have loved to live near you. I am definitely going to get a copy of your ebook. Kudos to you and your wife for raising such amazing kids and may God continually bless you all!
Thank you Jennifer for having Jamie over today!
Hello Amanda,
Thank you for the kind words–love starting the day with a smile. =)
I’ve never been one for ‘norms’ and I could give a monkey’s behind about what society deems as acceptable. I prefer to cherish the diversity of people and realize that we all have very different lives to live and choices to make.
The point here is, you love your kids. To that I’m always going to grin wide, cheer out loud (cause no one can see or hear me) and shout, “Good for YOU!!”
I remember 4. There was a great deal of giggling.
Giggling is awesome.
Also loved to take thin PVC pipe, wrap it in insulation foam (to make it soft) and I would give my oldest 2 a pair each. Batons.
The game was, “Hit Dad.”
I was in training at that time, so my two oldest helped me with reflexes and my job was to weave, dodge, roll, jump over them…on the front lawn.
OHHHH they laughed a lot.
Neighbors thought I was nuts, but they were just jealous because they were never invited. That and their kids hated them.
Thank you Jennifer, for the opportunity to talk about my family. People often wonder where my quirky personality comes from…or where I get my ideas, both in blogging and in writing fantasy?
Answer: I developed both from mixing with the nuts I live with.
It’s an amazing thing when your best friends are born as your children. As parents, we underestimate our kids…and as husbands, I think we under-appreciate you lovely ladies.
I know there are questions. There are ALWAYS questions, so BRING IT, ladies!
You wanna ask, I can feel it. So don’t be shy….
That was super fun to read! Funny, romantic, and shocking. Haha!
I always wanted at least 8 children… Kids are a blessing!
Hello Susan!
That was my personal magic number. Always thought I’d have eight children…even though I was the oldest of 10. There was so much laughter and joy in our home growing up (my own father is MY hero, BTW) and I have to say, my mother (rest her soul) was the center of my Universe.
There was a time when Kathilynn said, “Ok, there are more of them than there are of me. This…is not good.” Sec…. asking her now for clarification.
HOLD PLEASE!
(insert elevator music here)
Back….thanks for waiting so patiently.
Yup, it was when we had six children, she felt, “Woah, I’m outnumbered.”
…but you know what happened when we hit eight? Kathilynn said, “This is getting easier, I want more.”
My personal belief is, if my wife desires children, I will sacrifice anything I have and do whatever it takes to make that possible to provide food, clothing, shelter, love, support and guidance.
It is my sacred and cherished honor to have the confidence of my wife.
…but that’s just me.
Okay, so I’m hooked.
I am captured by so many things in your post, Jaime. I’ve been a follower of yours on Twitter for awhile, but I now realize I’ve been missing so much. I just downloaded your book (thank you for that generous gift, by the way) and cannot wait to get started. I’ve actually just put my entire reading list on hold for it. :)
So many things resonated with me and surprisingly, none of them had anything to do with the number of children you have. I just wanted to say thank you: thank you to you, your wife, and your extended family for helping to make the world a little bit better. In my opinion, the world needs more love, laughter, and understanding and I’m so glad to see you (and yours) are delivering it in spades!
Thank you for a very entertaining read and again, thank you for the download. I cannot wait to get started on it.
My Dear Sarah,
May I say, openly and ever-so-gratefully, that what you just expressed is exactly why I do what I do.
It is why my family does what we do.
The world is built and engineered to rip us up, beat us down and force us to submit to the vomit and bile of society under the guise of ‘normal’ & ‘acceptable’ Schemes, false traditions and emotional manipulation marketed to us as principle or fact, attacking the very foundation of family…usually by belittling it.
If there is a way to make the world a better place, so you and I and those we care about can live in more peace, comfort and safety–you’ll find me doing it, promoting it and defending it. I was born with the teeth, tenacity and intelligence to do so…while the experiences of my life have given me the perspective to value each unique relationship made.
I do hope you’ll join my Heroes List on wantedhero.com. That you’ll share your views and thoughts with me and other readers in the future.
You have reconfirmed I’m doing the right things for the right reasons, Sarah.
Thank you for that. =)
Best thing I have read all week, all month for that matter! My husband and I have 4 children ages 13 to 1. A woman I really don’t know all that well asked me recently, “If we were finally done having kids? Since I was kind of old and all….” I laughed and couldn’t even answer her through the laughter. I am happy and so are my children and truthfully that is all that matters. Families are forever :)
Thank you, Jen, for sharing that!
Our newest baby, born Nov. 3rd 2014 was given life by my beloved, who is 43 years old.
It was one of the best pregnancies and there were ZERO complications.
Zero.
Born at home. Born into blissful love and the adoration of 8 ever attentive sisters and 3 strapping, proud brothers.
Funny…I seem to remember this amazing woman named…Sarah?
Yeah. Keep on laughing Jen. We will.
Oooooo, I might get in trouble for revealing her age.
Shame on me!
JENNIFER!?? (shouts into the blogging sky for help)
Could you please help me by replacing her age with an appropriate & clever female response for me?
(Hopeful grin)
Thanks so much for encouraging us with this story, Jaime! I believe that children and happy marriages are a blessing from the Lord. That being said, we must be intentional about placing God at the center of our lives, being intentional in our marriages and our parenting, and living lives that glorify Him. You are a wonderful example to all of us regrading all of those areas.
I knew I was going to marry my husband when I saw him across the campus at our high school. I was only 14! We have been for 22 years next month. Our marriage is an incredible blessing to us, but it is all because of God. We only have 2 children, but we strive to be excellent parents and raise them up in Him.
Thanks, again, for the encouraging post and for the book! You are so generous with your time and your talents. I need to have my sons read your blog as one wants to be a writer and the other a gamer.
Thank you, Jennifer, for having Jaime as your guest today. What a fun and encouraging message he has shared here!
That’s the key, Heather. God at the center of all things…
Especially concerning family. You put it beautifully.
“Only” two children? HAH! Don’t you mean, “WooHOOO, WE HAVE TWO KIDS!!?”
(grin)
I’m sure you did, from the loving way you speak of them =)
The blog was created for youth. All of Wanted Hero was created for youth. Please let your boys know there is a great deal of writing instruction. The challenge has always been to gain the support of the Gate Keepers, so if they found me and my works worthy–they recommend them to the youth.
From the perspective of a father, I enjoy that safety network =)
Of course I meant that! :) They are such a blessing to me that often I wish we had had more.
I will send them over to your site. Thank you so much!
Jaime,
Thank you for sharing a piece of you heart. I enjoyed reading your interesting story. May the Lord bless you and your lovely family.
Wanda S.
http://wandasmaxey.com
You are very welcome Wanda. We are very blessed.
Hi Jennifer,
This is my first visit to your blog but I’ve heard Jaime mention you often over at his place. I’m glad you asked him to share this post with your audience and I definitely had to be sure to read this one.
Thank you Jaime for sharing your background with us and answering the questions that I’m sure you’ve been hit with most of your married life now. There really are some rude people in this world and others that really just don’t know the proper things to say.
I admit to being surprised you really did have 12. I don’t know anyone besides you that has that many. Growing up we had a family living down the street that had 9. Of course I do know that some families just love children so I applaud them if they can afford them. It breaks my heart when they can’t.
That lady that you had a little talking with in the grocery line, I applaud you my friend. I would have done the same darn thing but it would have been very hard for me to be nice to her. As you know I’m a very positive and nice person but I have a very l-o-w tolerance for stupid and ignorant people Very low…
I think maybe most of us are surprised because you still look so young and to know you already have 3 that are married. I bet you do have a wonderful family and I’m glad that you all remain so close.
I am very close to my family as well although there were only 3 of us and my brother is the only one that had children. My older sister was never the motherly type and I guess God had other things in store for me because it just never came into play. I always wanted to be a Mom though… Guess my poor dog is just stuck with being the stand in. LOL!!!
Thanks again and I really enjoyed reading your post. You always entertain my friend.
You two have a wonderful weekend and take care.
~Adrienne
Hello my dear friend =)
I do regard Jennifer and this blog very high on my list of parenting blogs…and blogs altogether. I’m a family man, through and through…and my interest is in people, relationships and individual progress.
I think that’s why we get along so famously, and why I admire you, Adrienne.
The lesson to be learned in that situation at the store was…people can and do change. Those of us, who DO have the intelligence, the experience and reasons to BE kind, should do our best to do so, regardless of how we’re treated…to a point.
The more we know, the greater our responsibilities.
Sometimes the point of these confrontations isn’t to right the act of the aggressor, but to validate and strengthen those who witness the event.
Just a thought.
Thank you for stopping by my dear. I can’t recommend this blog (or Jennifer) enough.
-Jaime
Hi Adrienne! It’s so good to meet you.
I love this post that Jaime shared; he had me smiling, laughing, and tearing up the whole time.
Thank you so much for stopping by and for sharing such a thoughtful comment.
Wishing you a lovely day.
Thank you so much for sharing!! I LOVE big families! I’m the baby of 8 and just had my 5th. I am very excited to read your book as we are having a few struggles (as I’m sure all families do). Anyway- I just wanted to let you know that I LOVED reading this blog post. I hope you have a fantastic day!
Hello Robyn,
Oh yes–we all have struggles and challenges. Keep in mind that the only way you can truly know the sweet…is to experience the bitter.
That saying of teens is all too true: “It’s All Good.”
My day has been epic. Always is when I make new friends =)
SO glad you enjoyed the article.
Have a great weekend!
I saw this post and just had to read it. After the first few sentences I was hooked and had to finish it. :)
It’s hard to believe people ask you questions like that but you have such a great attitude about it. I especially loved how the handled the mean lady at the supermarket.
One thing I loved about your post is that you *knew* when you met your wife that she was the one. My husband and I decided to get married the first week we were dating. We got married 6 months later. I’m from Costa Rica and he’s from the U.S. so I had to leave my whole life behind. We now have an amazing 22 month old daughter.
My husband wants 4 kids and I’m not sure how many I want so we will see how many God has store for us. :)
Thanks for sharing your story!
Carolina,
Let me share a few other facts I omitted.
Yes, I knew her the moment I saw her. Yes, we were engaged right away…but we did not get married about 9 months later.
Why? Because we were fought, tooth and nail…until Kathilynn stood up and walked out on everyone. Family, friends, her life. She wed me and walked away.
Not the same, but I can relate somewhat. It took years to heal the wounds, but as my mother always said, “Buckley’s are like the a cold…sooner or later we get around to everyone.” Ten years later, I asked my mother-in-law a question:
“Mom? Do you love me?”
She was taken back. “Of course I do.”
“No,” I said, “I know you love me because I’m married to your daughter. You love me because I’m the father of your grandchildren…but do you love me…just for me?”
She looked like I slapped her. All these years I adored her. I’d lost my own mother.
For the first time, she wrapped her arms around her and whispered in my ear, “I am sooo sorry. Yes. Yes, I love you just for you. Just for you.”
Enjoy being a mother…and treasure the glory of it–especially because of your sacrifice!
God Bless.
I have 2 from my previous marriage but my 1st husband is out of the picture completely. My husband and I are expecting my 8th, his 6th. People ask us rude questions all the time too, especially since I’m only 29 and still look 19, lol. The #1 thing people say to me has been “Have you figured out what causes that yet!?”, to which I have learned to reply, “Of course! How do you think we got so many!?”
Hello Veronica!
HAHAHAHA! Epic answer to a stupid (yet common) question =)
Wow. Now I’m the one impressed!! Going on 8 and only 29? FanTAStic!!
I do so love conversations, because they bring out the side facts you can’t always cover in an article. Funny–I seem to have more in common with the lot of you than one might realize. Here’s another fact about me:
I’m the oldest of 18, from two marriages.
My mother was killed in a car accident that made national news. She had 10, I’m the oldest. Dad married again, she already had 3. He just turned 74 and they are both happy as can be…which makes us kids happy.
LOVE my siblings. It’s fun to have kids older than my brothers and sisters…many of whom are best friends. My son Simon (8) is best buds with my baby brother Liam (also 8). So when we have family activities, they run about and play, thick as thieves.
Love dynamic families, Veronica–and yours sounds awesome!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting =)
-Jaime
My mother was in a car accident too, 9 years before she had me. It must have been pretty bad, she said she lost part of her brain, and even has a copy of her own obituary (not sure how the newspapers made that mistake). She was hit by a drunk driver and was supposed to get a huge settlement, but she was only 17 and it all went to her father. She ended up getting her tubes tied after having me because her father threatened to never give her her money. He actually didn’t give it to her anyway and when he died everything went to his new wife and her family. -_- So my mom only had 2 kids, and I am not close to my older sister. I’m not close to my mother either, probably because her extensive brain damage made it difficult for her to actually care for me. She wasn’t married to my father and oddly enough they never even dated, I was just the product of a one time fling. I hardly knew my father and he died when I was 20. Which I think is what lead to my decision to have so many kids. I wanted the family I never had. You know, I have been thinking about starting a family blog I’m just not sure how to get started, do you have any tips or suggestions you could share? :)
I enjoyed your wit on a subject I’m oh so familiar with. We have 10 children, although there are days when people ask my husband how many kids he wants to have, and he answers, “Two.”
What is it with the grocery store being a magnet for criticism?? I had my 5 little ones with me years ago, and I had someone say, “Why would anybody bring all those kids to the store? It’s just stupid!” I was crushed.
*chokes*
Ow. I’m soooo glad I wasn’t drinking coffee just then–I think it would have shot out my nose.
Already like your husband. Sitting here with Kathilynn and Roman and burst out laughing. Two. That was awesome. =) And may i say, you have a beautiful family! As soon as I read that you had 10, I popped over to your blog…and that picture of the family on the bridge–lovely. I’m going to make it a personal point to come visit the blogs of all who commented…so many wonderful families.
Ok Shecki, I have two answers for you:
#1) The reasons why we tend to have these experiences in the grocery stores more than anywhere else, IMO–is the common need. We all have to get food for our homes and it happens frequently, so the pool of society congregates there. Plus, a grocery store might be an annoying place at times to take kids…but it’s also one of the easiest to pacify a child too. Cookie, ice cream, candy, low-fat-low-carb-sugar-free-mega-ultra-super-duper-healthy-treat-that-has-a-stupid-name-but-we-buy-it-because-its-gluten-free or whatever else we can grab at a moments notice.
…and for the record, I have a hunch that most mean people are probably on a diet when they snap. I mean, who could be in their right mind when everyone’s eating like humans, while you’re forces to nibble like a gerbil?
#2) Just smile at the person and say, “Oh, I so AGREE! That’s why I left the other half in the parking lot…They like to key the cars of rude people.”
Sorry, my wife corrected me as i read my answer aloud.
“Every idiot needs food.”
…again, glad I’m not drinking coffee.
Thank you! That was our 2013 family picture. We just had this year’s taken, and we’ve since added a daughter in law and a new to us 3 year old grandson. I was going to recreate the bridge picture, but our photographer got sick, so I had to get us all into a studio instead. They gulped a little at pics for 14, but we did okay! I’m looking forward to getting them back next week so I can update the blog header.
I’m always amazed at the things that get said to large families, it’s unreal!! I enjoyed reading about his viewpoints and experiences, thanks for sharing!!
Jessica.
Good name.
I should name a daughter Jessica. Always liked that name.
Wait…I did….
Hah. Good for me.
At this point in the game of life, my wife and I just have fun with the levels of intelligence (or lack thereof) we encounter.
It’s kind of like the phone solicitors we all used to get. By the end of the day it became a comical release for me. Tell them, “I’m sorry, you’ll have to talk to the man in charge”….then hand the phone over to my 3 year old.
Glad you enjoyed the article and thanks for commenting!
What a fabulous and heartwarming post! I loved reading this!
Thanks Kate =)
Appreciate you stopping by.
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Wow! What an amazing post. You had my attention the whole time and let me tell you, not many writers can do that…..seriously! Your story has inspired me in a, “I needed that” kind of way. My hubby and I just had little blessing number 4 and some people (family, friends, total straners) have negative things to say. My hubby’s brother told him, “y’all need to stop….this is the last one right?”. My husband responded, “If the Lord Wills, we will have more”. Oh how I wish you could have seen the look on his brother’s face! Let’s just say he wasn’t very pleased lol.
I don’t get it! We have AWESOME kids….and that’s where your inspiration has come in. I don’t have to explain myself to anyone! Of course I knew this already, but sometimes its hard dealing with….especially if I’m all pregnant and emotional LOL.
Thank you Jamie….thank you for being transparent, thank you for sharing a glimpse of your family and thank you for doing some good for the “gene pool” (see what I did there? hee-hee). Many blessings to you and your big and beautiful family…may the Lord continue to have His Will in your life.
-Christy
Proud momma of 4 and prayerfully more, homeschooler, headcovering, bread makin’, cookie bakin’ Jesus freak! Nice to meet cha’
Christy,
This is my favorite comment thus far =)
May I share something personal, then I’ll express my ‘bite’ with silly people.
My personal, spiritual belief is this:
Almighty God sent those darling children to you. Not your mother, not your father…and certainly not your brother-in-law. To you and your good husband.
It was because He knew that HIS precious children would be loved, cared for and taught…and given all they need to have each and every opportunity to fulfill the measure of their creation. So when people taunt, tease or belittle ANYTHING about your children or the choices you make to be a lovely mother…pity them.
Because of THEIR choices, they withhold the greatest blessings God has offered us…no–commanded us to partake of in “Being Fruitful and Multiplying and Replenishing the Earth.”
Now, for the cheeky remark:
I put my arm around a friend once and said, laughing… “I am SO glad your opinion isn’t worth a barrel of spit. Bob. For a second there, I was worried, but then I thought: Wait, he doesn’t pay for anything, teach anything or take any responsibility for my kids, so who the crap cares. He’s just talking stupid.”
Just make sure you laugh again and add, “I sure love you!”
Completely throws them off.
Your laughter will become real, trust me.
I loved this post. My 14-year-old son read it over my shoulder with me, and we both had a good laugh.
My husband and I were engaged the second time we saw each other, married three months later, a baby ten months later. We now have 8 children ages 16 years to 22 months and hear a lot of the things you wrote about.
One thing we hear A LOT is “How old are they?” People want to know how much “control” we exercised. My husband usually tells them “They’re all about two years apart. It’s called family planning.” One time though he was tired of this stale question so he told them, “The oldest is 7.”
I love having lots of children. I tell people I’m living the dream I had ever since I was a little girl to have lots of babies. My husband works hard so I can stay home, and I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s.
Hello Jennifer,
Just goes to show me yet again that my life is a magical one…and one that others can (and do) enjoy themselves. I love it.
If you don’t mind me saying, keep in mind that we are the ones who control the outcome of the future. Families like ours–who raise and sustain strong, bright, beautiful spirits, minds and hearts…while those who criticize us will leave nothing to carry on their will after them.
God bless you and your family =)
Hehehe…oldest is 7. Love it.
If your son enjoys a good epic fantasy, send him over to Wanted Hero. He just might enjoy what he finds. The stories were created for his age group…
Thanks for stopping by!
– Jaime
Fabulous!!!!!! You speak the truth, you made us laugh. Just loved it. We want to know you more :-)
We are the parents of one of Australia’s biggest families, 16 kids and praying for more. You can see us on our Facebook page The Bonell Family
Boy we have heard those questions many times before and now we have some new answers.
Thanks ;-)
So glad we got to read this about your beautiful family
Blessings, Jeni
OY, JENI!!
Ok, so we are going to be the closest of friends, we will….
#1) Aussie’s are my FAVORITE folks. You can talk all day–doesn’t matter what, I’ll listen. My dearest friend and hero was Roger Anthony, from Crocodiles International–from Cowra, Australia. Sadly we buried him this summer and deeply mourn his loss.
#2) I’m the oldest of 18.
#3) My second biggest readership in the world right now (of my fantasy books) is Australia.
#4) My second oldest daughter married into the BONNELL family. LOL. Not same spelling, but still amazing (grin).
On my way over to Facebook now!!
Veronica,
Wow. I would be very interested in reading a family blog from someone like yourself.
Strange how our life tragedies shape who we are and help us become what we are meant to be (well, it gives us a start–then we have to make the choice). I’m not sure I would change anything in my past. Not sadness, abuse, heartache…not even loss, because I couldn’t truly know the sweet of my life now, unless I had tasted of the bitter then.
Ok, onto JOYFUL things!
Wanting to start a new blog? Yes, I have some specific suggestions:
1) Know your exact audience you’ll be writing to, before you even start. Be specific. Here’s a post you should read–by Mandie Sanders on Be A Better Blogger dot com. It’s called, “The ONE Person Who Can Give Your Blog Clarity and Increase Engagement”.
2) Decide if this will be a hobby or turn into a business…what will be your mission? Your purpose (and be honest with yourself here) helps fuel you. Wanted Hero was always a mission to uplift and encourage FIRST, money second. So even when I’m not making book sales, I’m succeeding. Awesome, huh!?!
3) Use WordPress. All pro bloggers use this platform. Best community, most options, most support. Nuff said. Go to WordPress.com for a free site. If you build a site and it becomes popular AND you enjoy this–move it over to your own server (self hosted), like Jennifer and myself. Then again, you can be beautifully stubborn like me and just be in charge from day one…
4) Join Be A Better Blogger dot com. Kevin Duncan is a dear friend of mine and his whole site is just like the title says–helping you be the best blogger you can be. Engage in the community and you’ll meet incredible people who love helping one another!
Hope that helps =)
I’m one of 5 daughters and I thought I’ve heard it all but lol, no. I really haven’t! Gosh, 12 kids is what I call a PAAARTTTY! I love that your grandson has a 52 letter middle name, that’s incredible. I also love the way you dote on your wife! You two are adorable.
And I will say this, coming from a big family, it never feels that “big.” When we’re all together, it feels like there are people missing. Families can never be too big!
Well helllllo Rebecca!
I have to correct myself. My daughter told me over FB that I was wrong, and that Sam’s middle name is 54 letters, not 52. Doesn’t really matter in that i can’t SPELL the darn thing, so I let it go and apologized =)
THANK you for saying exactly what I feel….that families never feel big. Yeah, there are times when we gather around for dinner and Kathilynn or I stop, hold up a hand for silence and start counting.
Weird, huh?
Not really. It IS a party–and we were asked just the other night, “What’s your favorite AGE?”
“Wha–HUH??” I answered with style.
Kathi laughed. “We don’t have a favorite age. They all have their moments and in whole, every age is a complete and total delight.”
She’s right. Love ’em all.
SOOOOO, just a shameless plug now:
I just followed Jennifer’s example and joined Bloglovin’…so you can find Wanted Hero on there now.
Beautiful, beautiful post! Jaime, your words are throughtful, clever, and kind. Thank you so much for opening up and putting so much meaning into questions that could have been simply cruel and thoughtless. This was exactly what I needed to read today.