Not to worry, dear friends, I haven’t taken a turn away from G-rated material but… you would never guess where the doctor put his finger today. Ready? Are you sitting down? Do you have a bowl or bag to puke into? Can you handle this?

The doctor put his finger in my…

photo credit: pixabay

Oh. My. God. I can’t say it. I’m going to be sick just recalling this traumatic event. Why would he do such a horrible, awful, nasty, disgusting, thing? Well, let’s rewind the clock about forty-eight hours….

So, here I was, at work, eating lunch with ten ravenous toddlers when suddenly a sharp stabbing pain hit me in the abdomen. I thought maybe the cucumber and tomato salad wasn’t sitting well with me so I grimaced through the pain and on my lunch break I treated myself to a toasted, buttered bagel and a ginger ale.

For the rest of the day I struggled with waves of pain. I thought perhaps I was getting the flu, so I ate small, light meals but regardless of my efforts, the pain persisted and hardly any other symptoms developed.

On Friday things got worse. My tummy wasn’t just sore, I was in severe, searing pain! What the hell could this be?

My boss ended up sending me home about halfway through the day because I was not faring well (she also thought maybe I had the flu). I suffered Friday night and Saturday morning until I decided I had enough and went to the hospital. It’s amazing how quickly they take care of a woman who’s 26 weeks preggo!!!

I peed in a cup. I was measured and tested.

We listened to the baby’s heartbeat and then HE appeared. Dressed in white and green he looked innocent enough. I assumed he was normal. I didn’t ask to see his credentials but the nurse seemed to know and like him.

Then he did IT.

He stuck his finger in my belly button!!! I writhed on the table and confessed that it wasn’t due to pain but due to the fact that I have a STRONG aversion to belly buttons. I wanted to puke.

The doctor tried to tell me “nicely” that I have an umbilical hernia.

As my ears began ringing and my face burned hot, he went into detail as to what this meant (i.e. no treatment, suffer through the pain until after birth and then get it surgically fixed).

Now, I know I’m sensitive to this stuff because belly buttons gross me out but when I looked over at my husband and realized he looked like he was going to pass out, I knew it wasn’t just me.

This was disgusting stuff and now my aversion to belly buttons has increased tenfold.

That was my Saturday. Eventful and disgusting. However, I find some comfort in knowing that food is not causing the pain, so bring on the chips, Oreo cookies, ice cream and tacos. This gal has an umbilical hernia!

Jennifer Bly

Author of My Kitchen, My Classroom: An Introduction to Homeschool and creator of The Deliberate Mom. Jennifer writes about parenting, homeschooling, her faith, and life with her husband and two girls. Jennifer has a Bachelor of Applied Human Service Administration Degree with a specialization in Early Learning in Child Care.