It may be the hottest trend to let your body hair grow, but here are 5 good reasons to hold onto your razor and continue that quest for the closest shave!
**Originally published on In the Powder Room. Reprinted with permission.**
As I scroll through my Facebook feed, I am inundated with images of women proudly touting their long, under-hair locks, and I’ve just about had my fill. Go ahead and grow your armpit tresses, ladies, but don’t expect me to be joining your ranks—and for heaven’s sake, don’t judge me for sparing you the hirsute messes that are my pits, legs, and nethers.
I am hairy. When I was a little girl, I used to proudly boast to friends about my 100% pure French heritage. Little did I know that those bloodlines meant that I am kin to both the Sasquatch and the Yeti. My French descent has condemned me to a life sentence with a razor.
I vaguely remember my first shave. I felt like such a woman, sitting on the bathroom counter, with one leg in a sink full of water, my skin lathered with cream. I was so excited to be shaving off all of the prickly little buggers that were sprouting forth from me. Ahh, yes. The sweet ignorance of adolescence.
Since then, I’ve ventured through decades of shaving, and to be honest, I’ve had a couple very real excuses to stop. For one thing, I live in Alberta. It’s winter for seven months of the year! It would be completely reasonable for me to stop wearing long johns and let my body hair keep me warm, but I just can’t put my razor down.
Even a pregnant belly the size of The Great Pumpkin couldn’t keep me from wielding my Lady Bic. I did everything possible to spare my OB-GYN from the wilderness on my legs and nether regions. Thankfully the prenatal yoga had paid off, and I was able to bend and contort my body to get the cleanest shave I could manage.
Approximately 6900 shaves after my first one (trust me, I did the math, and this is a very realistic approximation) I will say that although I don’t like the task, shaving is a necessary evil and here’s five reasons why….
1. Styling isn’t my bag.
So let’s say I let my body hair grow out. I’m curious how I’m supposed to manage it. I kid you not—styling would be an issue. I’m not about to trade in my razor for a round brush and styling mousse.
2. It’s not worth the potential plumbing troubles.
Every couple of months, I get to stand on the other side of the bathroom door while my darling husband unclogs the sink. In between the occasional dry heave, he curses the stinky, sludgy balls of hair plugging the trap. And that’s just the hair from my head! Just imagine what mybody hair would do to the plumbing in our house!
3. The stock market would crash.
I care about the economy too much to stop buying razors. 6900 shaves at $1.75 a razor . . . I basically keep our nation afloat.
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4. I wouldn’t be able to frequent my kids’ favourite places.
If I dared to go to swimming pools or splash pads with all my body hair intact, people would run away in horror, screaming “BEAR!” And the zoo would be out of the question. I’m not about to become the new squeeze of the nastiest primate in the monkey house.
5. Returning to shaving would be life threatening.
There’s no way I could return to shaving after growing out my body hair. I currently require an adamantium-forged, elf-blessed, five-bladed wonder to hack through even the slightest stubble. If I grew out my hair and then returned to shaving, I would need either a hedge trimmer or a machete to hack through the bush. It would not be pretty (and it might be potentially fatal).
Sorry, but this lady is all about the hair removal. The claims that I’m killing feminism by shaving have got to stop. Shaving is my duty and being smooth is my privilege.
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All I have to say is “Here, here” to this! I totally shave and have been since I was also a young teen and don’t plan on not shaving any day soon. Thanks for making me smile about it today though and wishing you a wonderful day ahead now xoxo ;)
Yes, I will never let go of my razor… ever! lol
Funny! I don’t think I could completely give up shaving. I feel so much better when I’m shaved and smooth! Plus, I have a bunch of hair, too! I will admit I might go days (maybe even a week, out of laziness (usually in the winter), but the task just takes longer and is much more dangerous and tedious, too! :)
I will never ever give up my razor – unless I opted for something like laser hair removal — but I doubt they would ever take me on. My hair is like steel wool.
I too am not as determined with shaving during the winter months (the extra fuzz keeps me warm… organic long underwear)! lol
I personally don’t shave because I get razor bumps but I do go to the salon and get my wax on. I get every part of me that has hair waxed so I can be bare. While I could go unshaved for short periods of times, I personally can’t see myself going natural for the rest of my life. I say to each his own.
I’ve tried self-waxing but it never worked for me. I’m sure it would cost me a small fortune to do salon waxing. lol
I am 100% like you. HATE being prickly, my hair grows so fast that if I shave when I shower before bed, I’m not smooth by morning. So, pants it is unless I’ve JUST shaved. So I’d love some of those tips too.
LOL about the styling. I just got a horrible visual of braided armpit hair. EWWWW
YES! I’m the same way! My hair grows sooooo fast – it makes me crazy.
Your visualization of braided armpit hair made me cringe. lol
Too funny Jennifer – I tell you this post is a commitment to being real!
LOL – yes Belinda – no facades here. This is the raw (and hairy) me!
Jennifer I love you. This made me smile so thank you. And yes, no way I could grow out my leg hair. I like things natural but not that kind of natural.
I just can’t wrap my head around the whole fuzz thing. I mean, I’m hairy! There’s no way I could go natural (except in the winter — when the hair acts like thermal long underwear). lol
This is hilarious, Jennifer. Thoughts of you holding a hedge trimmer made me smile big this morning :). I must say winters can get pretty hairy for me. My poor hubby…
I’m delighted this made you smile! Winters sometimes tend to get hairy for me too — it depends on how cold it is (and whether or not there are events which require me to wear a skirt and pantyhose).
This is hilarious! I love your sense of humor! You go girl! :)
Happy shaving! :)
I’m glad you enjoyed this and that it made you smile Ruth!
ha, I’m all for it. It’s not even a gender thing. I think armpit hair is gross on anyone! That’s my own hangup, though. I like the smoothness. I can’t lie. Somehow I’m not a very hairy person, though, even with this nearly black hair. I have no idea how.
I don’t mind armpit hair on a guy — you’re fortunate to not be very hair. I’m hairy and have dark hair… scary stuff boys and girls! lol
“adamantium-forged, elf-blessed, five-bladed wonder” bwhahahaha!!!! Thanks for the laugh. I’m on your team. Shave on sister, shave on!
I’m delighted you enjoyed this (and that you mentioned my favourite sentence from the whole post). lol
Go team razors!