I once made two poor choices that ended up putting my child at risk. When our parenting choices are life-threatening, parenting is especially challenging. Come read about these screw-ups that almost cost my daughter her life… twice.
Have you ever messed up and later reflected on the situation and just felt grieved by it? This past weekend I had two MAJOR screw ups and both situations were life threatening. Here’s what happened….
My oldest daughter and I took a road trip to Red Deer to attend the annual AHEA Homeschool Convention. We were excited. I’ve never attended a homeschool conference before and she was delighted to attend the children’s program.
When a parent makes a decision that can cost their child's life.... #parenting Click To TweetLife threatening screw up #1.
When we arrived in Red Deer, we checked into our hotel and went swimming for an hour in our hotel pool. Afterwards, we were starving. I decided to celebrate our first night away by taking my daughter out to a restaurant as opposed to a fast food place. After scoping out our choices, we settled for a very popular steakhouse.
Eating out can be stressful for us, since my daughter has an anaphylaxis dairy allergy. So, needless to say, we rarely eat out at restaurants.
When the waiter came to the table, I immediately told him that my daughter has an anaphylaxis dairy allergy and he coached us on which menu items would be the best choice for her. My daughter wanted the grilled chicken breast but was salivating over the garlic butter grilled shrimp. The waiter, being very accommodating, said he could order the shrimp grilled without garlic butter. My daughter was ecstatic and so I complied.
Our food came shortly thereafter. I watched and giggled as my daughter plowed through her meal. She ranted and raved over how delicious everything was and gobbled down her shrimp.
Then it happened… a food server showed up at the table with a plate of grilled shrimp… the shrimp that was made without garlic butter.
I immediately felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach. My daughter had consumed dairy. I told the server that we had already gotten the shrimp and asked if the shrimp my daughter had eaten was grilled with butter. She scampered off to check with the kitchen staff.
I reached into my purse and placed the Epi-Pen on the table. I also set the timer on my phone for half an hour. I figured between the time she had consumed the dairy and an additional half-hour, that she would be out of the danger zone of going into anaphylaxis shock.
The waiter and the restaurant manager were at our table within a minute.
They were mortified and said that the kitchen staff could not confirm if they had made 2 servings of grilled shrimp without butter or if they had screwed up and sent out garlic butter shrimp with our original meal.
The remaining time we spent in the restaurant was horrifying. I stayed calm but felt like I was screaming on the inside.
Why didn’t I double-check that the shrimp was safe? It was a food server who brought our plates out… not the waiter! I should have immediately verified that the food was okay.
Also, why didn’t I try the shrimp first?! What was I thinking to just let her eat it?!
Fortunately all was well, my daughter was fine, and the restaurant took care of our tab and gave us a gift certificate as an apology for the mess-up.
Regardless of the outcome, this mom felt horrible.
Life threatening screw up #2.
Our hotel had an awesome pool with a hot tub and a water slide. What I loved most about the pool was how shallow it was. It was a maximum of 1.2 meters (3.9 feet) deep.
When we went swimming the first afternoon, there were only 3 other people at the pool. My daughter was comfortable in the water and could walk from one side of the pool to the other without the water going above her chin.
Our second night in Red Deer, my daughter begged to go to the pool again. We got dressed in our suits and went down to the pool.
*A little side note, I felt really weird about the idea of walking through the hotel in a bathing suit. So I wore my leggings and a long top over my suit. I figured I would undress at the pool and when we were done swimming, I could change into my clothes to walk back up to our room.*
When we arrived at the pool I was stunned by how packed it was. The small pool had at least eighteen to twenty kids in it. The hot tub was loaded with adults and a few kids, and there was a line up for the waterslide.
I figured since it was so late in the evening, that the people would thin out soon, so I decided to sit at the side of the pool with the other groups of adults. I figured I could always hop into the pool when it was less busy.
My daughter went on the waterslide a couple times. Then she went to the hot tub. After a couple of minutes there, she came to the main pool. She practiced her strokes and floats (like we had done the day before). I watched as she drifted into the deepest end of the pool. I walked alongside and realized that she was in the middle, surrounded by kids. Children were splashing water, screaming, jumping up and down… and then I saw it. Everything seemed to click in my brain. She wasn’t safe. I called to her and tried to coach her to the side of the pool.
She looked stunned. The expression on her face told me everything… complete panic was in her eyes. Her arms flailed wildly about and she started to go under the water.
I immediately jumped (fully clothed) into the pool and pulled her up to safety.
She was shaking and visibly upset. I hugged her tightly. Another mom came up and wrapped towels around us and then gave me a squeeze around my shoulders.
That was when I burst into tears.
How could I have been so foolish?! I knew she’s not a strong swimmer! I should have known that a busy, full pool would make it harder for her to maintain her footing. She could have drowned, right there in front of me… in a pool full of children splashing water and having fun.
Reflecting.
I made two stupid decisions this weekend and they could have cost my daughter’s life. The gravity of this reality tormented me. These two scenes have been replaying in my mind over the past few days. Both situations could have ended very differently. I’m so thankful to God that nothing serious came of either event.
As I reflected on these incidents, I had this realization of how everything can change in an instant. It seems trite… almost ridiculous to reflect on the fragility of life. Yet it struck me how at times, I feel almost overly-secure and invincible.
Yet anything can happen to us. One moment you could be thinking everything is wonderful and the next, you could be facing unimaginable tragedy and grief. I shudder at such thoughts.
I’ve decided to accept God’s grace and not beat myself up over these incidents anymore. I’ve learned some valuable lessons.
No matter how much we try to protect our children, no one is invincible. It’s a scary thought but it’s the reality of being a parent. Sometimes our greatest efforts and best intentions aren’t enough. Nothing can be predicted, anticipated, or expected. Life can take a turn and we just have to deal with it when it does.
So please tell me… have you encountered any scary situations like this with your children?
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You are most certainly not alone and trust me I have done things in the past with both my girls that might have put them in harm’s way no matter how much I thought I had it in the moment. Honestly, you are a wonderful mother and remember mistakes happen to all of us moms. Don’t beat yourself up and just glad to hear that all turned out OK in the end. Hugs and again you are an amazing lady and mom in my book! xoxo <3
Thank you for the kind words Janine – and for sharing your experience with tough situations as these. I appreciate the encouragement.
Sadly I think life is full of such moments. Maybe not full of them, but we’re not exempt ever. And as much as I’d beat myself up if it were me, because that’s what I do, you also are responsible for them being alive. YOU are. The dairy allergy is one you thought was under control. I would never have thought to double check. Also.. sounds like maybe her allergy is gone?
And the pool one. This is how kids learn sometimes. They stretch a bit out of their comfort zone. Always remember that YOU knew she was in trouble instantly.
I’m guessing one of two things with the dairy exposure…. She can have dairy cooked at high temps – maybe the grill got rid of most of it?! OR they actually did give us butter-free shrimp the first time around.
Thanks for the kind and encouraging words Tamara. This motherhood thing is a tough gig!
No matter what happened, know that you’re an amazing mom. In my 20 years of parenting, I’ve had some near scares myself but that doesn’t make you a bad parent. We’re humans and we all make mistakes, with ourselves and with our kids, don’t beat yourself up about it. Have you realized that we judge ourselves more harshly than others do and believe when I say it, YOU’RE AMAZING!
Thank you so much for the kind, encouraging words Amanda. Parenting is tough – and I know I’m hardest on myself. They’re my babies… I can’t help but feel badly. Fortunately, I’ve forgiven myself and I’ve moved on with a fresh perspective and having learned something from these frightening experiences.
What a weekend, Jennifer! It is so easy to feel untouchable when things are going well, yet none of us are outside the possibility of tragedy, small or large . . . neither are we outside of God’s watchful care. Your conclusion to apply grace to yourself for those situations and praise to God for his protection is spot on. As you say, “Life can take a turn and we just have to deal with it when it does.” One of my sons has been bitten by a scorpion – and not too long after stung by something else that caused a severe reaction . . . and then he fell from a climber at the playground and was knocked out. All in all, he may be the most resilient of our kids. I sure can’t control what he comes in contact with all the time and have to trust God’s watchful care (and wisdom for us to deal with what happens when it does).
I’m so thankful for God’s grace. Without it I would be tormented by things like this.
Sounds like you have quite the resilient son! Wow… talk about heart palpitations Abi!
Thanks for sharing and for the encouragement.
Being a parent is hard, I literally can’t let myself think about the fact that something so simple could end in such tragedy. My daughter is only 10 months old and I’ve also faced a situation that because of my lack of attention could have ended so wrong. I’m right there with you. Very happy to hear disaster was averted.
Parenting IS tough and full of scares. I’m so thankful we got through both of these situations safely.
HUGE *HUG* Since having my child, my eyes have really been opened to all the possible dangerous situations that seem so safe. One blink and something could change, but we do the best we can. I think your instincts and reactions were great and you handled both situations very well. It is simply impossible to bubble wrap our kids – though I often want to with my adventurous barely toddler. I have an example where recently my child – who loves to climb up and sit on the coffee table – fell right in front of me. I was sitting on the couch, watching him, and he just one second was on the table, and the next was on the rug. He was more stunned than anything, but I was terrified. Within arm’s reach, with me ready to catch him, he flew off. Things happen so quickly and we just have to remember to breathe and relax after everything turned out fine in the end.
Oh my goodness, so very scary isn’t it?! If only we could bubble wrap them! lol
Thanks for sharing and for the encouraging words.
oh my goodness how scary!! I totally lost my toddler at Target once and after 30 seconds decided to tell a store employee. They made this big announcement and employees were sent to stand guard at each door (apparently standard procedure) She went to the front of the store and an employee found her crying and calling for me. It was the longest 3 minutes of my life and I felt SO stupid for taking my eyes off her to look at scarves or whatever dumb item I was looking at. She disappeared in a second and I learned a major lesson. It happens to the best of us… but it doesn’t make it any less scary.
Oh my goodness, losing our kids is terrifying! I once had my daughter unlock the front door and leave the house. Fortunately I heard it but I felt sick of the idea of her wandering around the neighbourhood and me not knowing….
Parenting can definitely be scary. Thanks for sharing your scary experience (and your encouraging words) Lauren.
You are not alone! I had to call Poison Control… TWICE.. last week for my one year old.
My husband was working in another city and we had just moved, so our place was an utter mess. Being a “single parent”, I couldn’t keep my eye on him the whole time. We were in the same room, I was just cleaning up in the kitchen area when I heard that awful gag/cough sound. He had swallowed an Easter egg wrapper. I wasn’t worried about him choking since he swallowed it fine and had no problem breathing, but what if it perforated his stomach or intestines? Poison Control dude assured me it was okay.
The second was for cat litter (ew!). I was getting him ready to take him to daycare, and I had to run to grab his coat. He used that .6 seconds to scoot into the laundry room, grab a fistful and shove it in his mouth. I can only hope he didn’t grab a nugget along with it. A million dramatic scenarios ran through my head, but again it turned out okay. I now have a wall of boxes blocking the entire area until we can get a gate installed. And, thank God, my husband is now back with us permanently!
Oh my goodness Monica – yes – poisoning IS scary!
I had to deal with it once too. My daughter had found (and eaten) a pain pill the dog had spit out. I was terrified and spent a good 4 hours in the emergency with her.
So sorry to hear you had those experiences. Big hugs to you! <3
Oh goodness, yes, I have had scary incidents like these! Not with my first. She’s pretty cautious and I was crazy vigilant when it was just her. With my second, he was about 20 mo and learning to go down the stairs on his feet while holding my or his daddy’s hand then one day he thought he could do it by himself. Both I and my husband were there to witness it, but not close enough to grab him. We watched him bounce and flip down the stairs. I thought “Surely he’s dead.” and I was frozen afraid to go to him, until he started crying at the bottom, then I was suddenly flying down the stairs. He was fine, not even a broken bone. He did have a deep tissue bruise in his hip area though. Then, with my third, while bathing the three of them, she was bathed and dressed, I just got my boy out of the tub and put my oldest in. While I was drying off my boy, my youngest daughter (1 yr) was playing at the edge of the tub with my oldest girl. I looked over just at the moment that she dove in headfirst – and then I yanked her out. She could have drowned. I took her in to the pediatrician to be certain she hadn’t breathed in any water because I feared she’d be killed by secondary drowning. And, just this last Saturday, my youngest (now 18 mo) swallowed a rock! And it got stuck in her throat before it went down. Again, I saw it happen but wasn’t close enough to stop it. She’s fine now and should be pooping a rock out soon, but that day I had to perform pediatric heimlich (which didn’t work…but at least the rock slid down!), call the paramedics and spend 5 hours in the ER with her. You are not the only mom to make terrifying mistakes. I am starting to think I need to be within a foot of my two youngest at all times though…just kidding. We can’t DO that. Kids need freedom, but they also need watchful moms, like me and you, who know how to respond when they are in danger. I am so glad that I’ve taken Pediatric CPR and First Aid several times due to my previous jobs. My card’s expired now and I think I’m going to take the class again soon!
Oh my goodness, that’s some pretty intense moments that you’ve had. Kids move so fast – sometimes I’m stunned at how quickly things can go wrong. Thankfully all worked out okay! My card just expired too – definitely should renew.
Thanks for sharing Amanda.
How scary! You are an amazing mom though!!!!
Yes, so very scary. Thanks for the kind words Caroline.
We have had several close calls with our little boy, very soon after he was 1! He could’ve been killed in either one. One incident involved him slipping out to the road in a 20 second period of time. Thankfully there was an angel stranger that stopped all the traffic as soon as he saw him! Life happens so fast sometimes…often a little too fast for a Mommy heart! So thankful for a God that watches out for us! I’m glad you’re choosing grace! Stay strong in that! ? God’s got this. :)
Oh my goodness, that does sound scary! These things happen so fast. Praise God that He’s watching out for us.
Thanks for the encouraging words my friend.
I am glad that you decided to accept gods grace. We all have moments where in retrospect we could have or should have done something differently. It goes with the territory, these kids don’t come with manuals. The fact that you reflect speaks to how great of a mom you are! Great day my friend!
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement Bijee. This parenting gig is definitely hard and stressful work – I’m so thankful for God’s grace.
Oh Jennifer, you’re not alone in feeling this grief. There’s been many times that I’ve made mistakes with my daughter as well–there’s been bumps and bruises I’ve blamed myself for, just a for a nanosecond of not paying attention to her. Remember though that no mom is perfect. We all make these mistakes and that ok. Like you said, everything can happen in an instant, and sometimes so fast that even our mom reflexes aren’t fast enough for it. The most important thing is your daughter is well and despite the mishaps, your mom instincts kicked in just in time (epi-pen in hand, jumping in the pool). Life happens sometimes and thankfully, as parents, we know how to battle it head on and get through. Sending you warm hugs!!!
Those nanoseconds where things could go wrong are stressful!
You are so very kind Maria. Thank you for the encouragement.
what you call two mistakes sound a lot to me like two stories of a responsible mom who was able to handle difficult situations when they arose.
Ahhh, see Jeremy, that’s the grace I need to extend to myself more often. Thank you for the encouragement.
We have all made these types of mistakes before. I have a son with epilepsy and a daughter with diabetes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve taken them places without their emergency kits. They have never had to use them before so I just assume it will be ok. But you are so right, things can change in an instant. All it takes is one time away from home when they need it. Thank you for this reminder, Jennifer, and sharing your personal story. Don’t beat yourself up, my friend. Parenting is a long hard road and there will be many mistakes along the way.
I found so much comfort in sharing these feelings of distress and inadequacy. Parenting is so tough and I would hate for my screw up to hurt my kids.
Thank you for the kind words and encouragement Candace.
Jennifer…I am sorry to hear what happened but thrilled to read that your daughter is okay. It is such a comfort when we realize god’s presence and He was definitely watching over you both on your trip.I want to share this post to a Parenting Pinterest board that I belong to. Thank you for sharing and may God continue to richly bless you and yours in all your endeavors!
God is so good. These situations could have had very different outcomes but He was watching over us.
Thank you so much for your kind words (and for sharing).
What a terrifying weekend that must have been for you! It’s amazing to see how God’s hand was over your daughter through it all. My scary experience as a mom happened when my middle daughter was about 9 months old. I was driving on the expressway when I heard her choking, then vomiting, and screaming. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw her with her bow in her hand and noticed that the button I had glued on as decoration was missing. I exited as quickly as I could and was so grateful to find that despite the vomit, she was okay. As for the small pink button, we found it in her diaper the next day.
It was such a tough, emotional weekend. I’m so thankful that the Lord watches out for us.
What a scary story you shared about your daughter Veronica! Isn’t it crazy how things can change so quickly? Who would have thought a hair barrette could make things go so wrong. I’m relieved to hear that your daughter (and you) came out of that incident okay. I often fret about something happening while I’m driving. Eeek!
Oh, this one had me in knots as I remember some of my close calls. My daughter once fell in a small pond while I turned to talk to my sister. It was an instant, and my brother-in-law jumped right after her, but it remains a memory that gives me that sinking sensation. A moment you realize how terrible wrong everything can go in one moment. Glad both moments had good endings for you!
Wow, that is such a scary situation! These things happen faster than we can take a breath!
Thank you for sharing Sarah.
Oh my gosh how scary!! I am super glad she is ok. Try not to beat yourself up about, better said than done I know. Scary moments are going to happen like this, we lost my oldest at the mall once when she was toddler. Luckily another nice mom found her and brought her back to the play area. Makes you realize things can happen in the blink of an eye. Which is why we need to focus on the good moments and not dwell on the could-haves and should-haves. Don’t let the weekend challenge your feelings as a mother. You are doing awesome!!!!
I hope you have a great weekend friend :)
Eeek, I haven’t had a store moment like that… but I can only imagine the fear because it’s just so busy and there’s so many people. I’m glad things turned out okay for you.
I truly appreciate your kind words and encouragement. I’m really working on extending myself some grace. I’m the master at beating myself up over things.
Wishing you a lovely weekend as well!
Both situations must have been so scary for both of you. I’m glad your daughter is fine and it sounds like you had some important learnings coming out of the weekend.
Oh yes, these were such frightening experiences. I certainly won’t forget them and definitely learned some hard lessons.