If you want parenting advice, you can get it from almost any source imaginable. There’s an abundance of parenting books, websites, and blogs at our fingertips.
Even with this readily available advice, I’m certain there’s some highly effective parenting strategies that you may not know about.
I warn you… these tips aren’t to be overused, as they may lose their power.
Check out these highly effective (but not very appropriate) parenting strategies! #humor Click To Tweet1. Gasp.
If your child is doing something you don’t want them to do, gasp as loudly as you can. An exaggerated gasp, a long gasp, or a short gasp… any gasp will do.
Guaranteed they will stop in their tracks and look at you. Congratulations, you just got your child’s attention.
2. Laugh.
Much like gasping, laughing is a wonderful way to get your child to focus on you.
Here’s an example:
“Johnny, come put your plate in the dishwasher.”
Johnny most likely will ignore you.
Try this approach instead:
Start laughing uncontrollably. Don’t stop laughing until Johnny asks you what’s funny. Once he does, tell him (between choked fits of laughter) how you were just thinking about how hilarious it would be if he just opened up the dishwasher and put his plate in.
3. You didn’t hear that.
“Mom, Anna is looking at me… again!”
“Mommmmmmeeee, Sam touched my shirt!”
“Mom, Becky sat on my chair.”
Are your kids fighting non-stop? Are they whining, yelling, and tattling?
Here’s a quick fix for you… you didn’t hear a thing.
Scoot into the next room and start humming to yourself while doing some tedious cleaning task. If you hear your children approaching the room, shuffle into another room. Keep doing this as long as you can.
4. Run away.
Use this strategy if technique number 3 doesn’t work. Break into a sprint and run away as fast as you can (preferably to a room with a locking door).
Run Mommy! RUN!
5. Go to the bathroom… a lot.
Do you wish you could have just a few minutes alone? I have the perfect strategy for you!
Go to the bathroom… a lot. You can even have a book or magazine stashed under the sink. Steal as much time as you can.
If your kids are like mine they will soon start pounding on the door asking what’s taking you so long. Just say you’re taking an enormous poop and that you’ll tell them when you finish so they know when to applaud. Make the occasional straining and grunting sounds to really sell it.
6. Feign illness.
Do you feel like you go, go, go and you never get any rest?
This tip might just do the trick… fake being sick.
Sprawl out on the couch with a big box of tissues and tell the kids you’re not well and you’re going to lay there watching TV all day. If your children insist on pestering you, grab a puke bowl and prop it proudly beside you. Let them know you’ll try your best to get the puke in the bowl but if they don’t want to get puke on them, maybe they should go play in another room.
7. Fart.
This technique is a great one. Whether they’re fighting, yelling, tattling, or not listening, a good fart will get their attention. So eat them beans and parent those kids!
There you have it! The next time you’re frazzled and feeling like you’re ready to snap… try one of these strategies! Guaranteed it’ll work (and if it doesn’t, well, hopefully this article gave you a good laugh).
DISCLAIMER
I’m by no means a parenting expert. Strategies that work for one child, may not work for another. In addition I’m not liable for embarrassing snorts or coffee which is spit up on computer monitors, phone screens, etc.
This is too funny. I like #5-going to the bathroom. I use to do that until the dogs kept barking at the closed door and it drove me crazy. I will have to refer back to these this week as I’m watching my grandchildren for the week. It’s been awhile since I’ve had little ones for that long a time. You made me laugh on this wonderful Sunday.
I’m delighted this gave to a laugh my friend! Mission accomplished!
Wishing you a lovely week.
I love these and seriously needed a good laugh this Sunday after the weekend I had here!! Xoxo ;)
Oh no… it sounds like you’ve had a rough couple of days. I’m delighted this made you laugh!
Haha! I love these. I am totally going to try #2!
Blessings to you, sweet lady :)
Laughing is a total attention grabber! I’m tickled you enjoyed this post! I hope it made you smile.
Blessings to you as well.
#3 is definitely my method of choice (as long as it just doesn’t make them ask for things louder.)
LOL – yes, that could be a possibility with this strategy!
laughing out loud for real. The gasp and laugh technique needs to be replicated in video like Elle in Legally Blond. Gasp….and laugh!
I’m delighted to have made you laugh Kristen. Gasp… and laugh! LOL
#3 and #7 are my no fail methods. LMAO
I’m so glad #3 and #7 work for you. LOL – I need to eat more beans!
The last one is the best :D :D
I’m still learning how to fart on demand. More beans!
Ha! Love your strategies ;) Too funny!!
You now think I’m crazy right?! LOL – I’m glad this gave you a laugh. I had fun writing it.
Hi Jennifer! Can you fart on command? What an amazing super-power!! Nothing is as powerful as a fart to a child :)
I think these coping mechanisms are as much for me as for my children. Doesn’t it seem like you could just go crazy every day? The same behaviors, the same craziness. Good thing our kids are cute, or Lord knows what mayhem we’d create!
My personal fav is the ‘gasp’. Surprising, and effective.
Happy Farting my talented friend,
Ceil
I’m laughing Ceil. I son’t think I’ve ever had anyone sign off on a comment saying “happy farting my friend.” What a gas! (Pun totally intended).
I can’t fart on command unless I’ve eaten loads of beans. LOL
Happy to give you a chuckle my friend.
Oh GEEZ Jennifer, this is hilarious! Hahaha! The bathroom one will not work for me. My daughter will lay on the floor screaming and crying outside the bathroom door if I lock it. For some reason, she insists on being in their with me… poop or not. Haha. I love the RUN AWAY one! And I will definitely be trying the random burst of laughter tonight at dinner when my toddler refuses eating a part of her meal… LOL. :D Thanks for the laughs!!!
Well Monica… one day your poop will be revolting to her. LOL
Running away works! Run Mommy. Run!
I’m delighted to have made you laugh.
I am not ashamed to confess that I can’t wait to use #7. I don’t think my son is put off by it yet, but I’m sure at some point he will run when I do.
Thanks for a good laugh this lovely Monday morning!
LOL – make sure to tell me how #7 works out for you.
I’m delighted that I had the honor to start your week off with a laugh.
I think I must be a terrible mom, but sometimes I feign needing to go to the bathroom and leave my husband in charge when I just need some time to myself with a magazine.
#7 is awesome though. I thought, having boys, I’d be able to do this more, but my 2-year-old is repulsed by “gross” right now.
A mom has got to do what a mom’s got to do! Go to the bathroom as many times as you want! LOL
This list made me laugh…I’m going to try them. I’ve never tried the sigh before, that sounds awesome. I’m really curious how my son will respond. I’ve laughed before and that works.
I’m delighted to have made you laugh on this fine Monday! Thanks for getting a little crazy with me… and you’ll have to let me know if you’re able to nail any particular technique. *wink*
I like your {parenting} style :)
You and I have some similar strategies! The gasp, oh how the gasp works.
I have to admit one… I call it… The Dora! The Dora works, you give instructions in your best Dora The Explorer voice, nobody wants that! Things get done when you’re Dora, Dora. I haven’t used that one lately, I might bring it back :D MAHAHA!
Thanks for sharing with us at Mommy Monday!
XOXO
Oh my goodness! I want to see “The Dora” in action LOL. I can only imagine how great it works. Thanks for sharing your parenting “tip”.
ha! I love this. #1 works really well for the dog too. Not so much the cats.
#2 is amazing but only works with one of my kids. Scarlet gets so upset! (and yes, I confess I’ve done it before)
I do #3 a lot when my husband or another adult is around. Oops!
#4, 5 & 6 are great.. but #7 is my favorite!
LOL – I’m glad I’m not the only one who has implemented these strategies. I’m delighted you got a laugh out of this.
HAHAHAHAHA! So funny! I used to pretend cry when A was a baby. It would make her stop crying instantly. :)
xoxo
LOL I did the pretend cry too! Ha! You’re awesome. Thanks for sharing your parenting “tip”.
Great tips. I think I have used the “humming and pretending you can’t hear them” thing before, with varying degrees of success.
I also whisper sometimes when I’m really mad and they’re expecting me to yell. That always gets their attention.
Whispering is GREAT! I’ve done that before too. It really does work!
Thanks for sharing your perspective on these “highly effective” parenting strategies.
I swear I already commented on this hilarious post, but I dont see it, so maybe not lol.
Great suggestions, I might print a copy of this and keep it in my drawer for when I need a go-to plan!
I’m so glad you enjoyed this Christina! I’m sure one of these strategies will work for you. *wink*.
Awesome strategies :). I’m definitely a gasper! Sometimes I do it not wanting them to hear and they still catch it.
I also must admit to using #6 and probably far too often. They are starting to think I’m sick all the time. That one really works though!
I gasp… all-the-time. Unfortunately it’s lost the power it once held. Time to move onto farting.
Thanks for sharing your insights on these parenting “strategies”.
As a father it has been passed down throughout time that farting is the answer not only to getting your children’s attention but also your spouse’s.
Ha! Yes Jeremy, I believe you’re right about that one! Farting is a great way to get anyone’s attention… just don’t do it in a confined space with your spouse -mmmmkay)?! LOL
Too funny but too true! I love how you lighten things up.
I’m happy to have given you some laughs!
This made me laugh out loud! I use #1 and #2 often. Fortunately, my daughter is still young enough to be completely thrown off of whatever she was doing by an enthusiastic “OMG LOOK, over there!!”
I’ll be using that one as long as it lasts :)
“OMG look over there” – yes… classic. Sometimes I still use that with my oldest and then I say… “Made you look.” It stops whatever fight/issue immediately. But it’s not to be over used because that one can be a VERY annoying one for your children to copy LOL.
So delighted to make you laugh today! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on these highly effective parenting “strategies”.
Fabulous Jennifer! Have been using most of these “techniques’ for years, it is the only way I can survive some parenting days. They even still work on teens, that is good news, right? Pinned!
That’s great news if these work on the teens! Woohoo! Parenting win! LOL
Thanks for pinning Jen!
Hilarious! You’re giving away my secrets :) The pretend cry worked when mine were babies too – I think it surprised them enough to forget why they were upset.
I’m so glad you enjoyed this (sorry about giving away your secrets). Crying is great! Works like a charm! LOL
This totally made me laugh out loud (which totally got my one year old’s attention, btw. Fool proof that your tricks actually work!). Would you judge me terribly if I tell you that use that bathroom tactic (sans the grunting noises) at least once a week? Thank you for this post, Jennifer. I needed a laugh today, and you’ve provided it so eloquently.
The bathroom tactic is the best and is needed… so needed. We mommies need a time out sometimes. Better to pretend to take a dump than to dump on our little ones.
I’m delighted this made you laugh. Mission accomplished!
This is too funny! I love #4. Lol I’ve probably done that a time or two. ;)
LOL – yes, desperate times call for… running away!
I’m so glad you enjoyed this Veronica!
I hid under the bed once! Then I decided to stay there to see how long it would take someone to seriously look for me. They didn’t. They called me for about 3 minutes and just moved on. Then I got comfortable and ended up staying under the bed for almost an hour. I said next time I’ll grab a magazine! Lol!
Ha! That’s soooo awesome (and hilarious)!
I’m totally keeping that one in mind.
Thanks for sharing.
xoxo
Oh my goodness, Jennifer! These are the best! :) I’m pretty sure I use the bathroom excuse all the time. It’s my reading corner. Lol. Running away is too funny. You need to have a parenting conference. You really are the bees knees.
I’m glad you enjoyed this Kristy! I love reading in the bathroom. Quiet time! Ahhhhh!
Could you imagine if I acted all of these out?! HA! One YouTube video… coming up! LOL
LOL I have done all but 7) Fart. LOL SO FUNNY! The laughing uncontrollably to control them is a trick I thought I came up with! LOL You are so my sister!
I’m glad this gave you a good laugh.
LOL – laughing uncontrollably is the best (plus my oldest thinks I’m insane when I do that)!
We ARE cross-border sisters!
Ha! These are hilarious, Jennifer! I’ll keep them in mind :-p
I’m delighted you enjoyed this Kelli! I had fun sharing them ;-)
Make sure to keep these in your back pocket… lol