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poop

Before you think I’m being clever or funny, I just want to clarify, this posting really is all about poop. So if the topic disgusts you or you’re just about to eat meatloaf covered with brown gravy, perhaps this isn’t the best posting for you to be reading right now.

Since that’s out of the way, let’s talk poop.

I never envisioned as I exchanged wedding vows with my husband, that our relationship would eventually hit the poop stage. However, it has and at the moment, I can’t imagine a day when we aren’t taking about poop.

You see, a little over a month ago, we started feeding my seven-month-old solid foods. Whilst she loves the variety, it has bunged her up (translation: the poor kid is constipated). As we have been knee-deep in poop talk, I have had a few revelations that I thought I would share with you today.

Poo is not as funny as poop.

It’s all in the word. Poo just isn’t as funny as poop. When someone says “poop”, even the most reserved person cracks a smile. It must be the extra “p”.

Many foods that ease constipation start with “p”.

Speaking of the letter “p”, I was surprised to discover that the recommended foods to help ease constipation start with the letter “p”; peaches, pears, peas, plums and prunes. Interesting (and suspicious) isn’t it?!

Poop Stinks.

Yes, I know, I should have known this by now but really… baby poop stinks more than any other poop.

Poop is often compared to food.

I don’t understand this one. When asked to relay size and consistency of the baby’s poop, comparisons to food are often used. For example:

* The consistency of butterscotch.

* The colour of green beans.

* The size and consistency of a chicken nugget.

* Looks like soft-serve ice cream.

You get the point. I just don’t understand the need to compare feces to the food we put in our mouths!

Babies poop a rainbow of colours.

Really. I’ve seen every colour so I’m rarely surprised when I unveil my baby’s artistic creation of the day.

Baby poop and the dealing with said defecation has developed it’s own unique language.

Never before have I learned so many new phrases that are understood primarily by the diaper-changing people of this world. For example:

* Blowout: When baby’s diaper explodes, hence leaking all of the contents, covering the entire inside of child’s garments.

* Full load: This is a diaper that is borderline blowout… change diaper now!

* Poo finger: When you go to check baby’s diaper and retrieve your finger only to discover the nail is sporting a new shade of brown.

* Cling-on: This word is used to describe a poop that’s still in the process of being pushed out or is stuck to the diaper.

Never, ever, Google “poop images”.

When looking for an image for this post I actually googled poop images. Yeah, I did that. I went there. I urge you not to… but now that I mentioned it, you probably will. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So there you have it… I just made you read an entire blog posting about poop. One more item to cross off of my bucket list… just kidding.

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Jennifer Bly
Jennifer Bly
Author of My Kitchen, My Classroom: An Introduction to Homeschool, creator of The Deliberate Mom, and Deliberate Homeschooling. Jennifer writes about parenting, her faith, and life with her husband and two girls. Jennifer has a Bachelor of Applied Human Service Administration Degree with a specialization in Early Learning in Child Care.
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