I have an anxiety disorder and have battled post-traumatic stress disorder.
News like the Paris attacks, the explosions in Brussels, and terrorism rippling through the world, distresses me perhaps more than the average person. I can’t bear to watch any news of things like this… just hearing of it makes my heart ache.
Often, when shocking news like this hits the headlines, there are discussions and sometimes debates as to how much we expose our children to tragic world events.
I have thought about this often, and I have no idea if what we’re doing is “right.” So please understand if you handle this differently, there is no judgment on my part. I’m just trying to figure out what feels good for me and my family.
This mom thinks being an overprotective parent isn't such a bad thing and here's why. #parenting Click To Tweet
My kids are 8 and 4, and they are homeschooled. While it’s important to know of world events, I am the first to admit that I hide terrorism-related events from my children.
Do they need to know that 89 people were gunned down at a concert? Do they need to know that people died while waiting in bus stations or airports? Do they need to know about the bombing of an Easter picnic? Do they need to know that some people who were going to school never returned home to their families because they were shot and killed?
I don’t think so.
I know what the news does to me. I know that watching the 9/11 terrorist attacks on TV was the root of my fear of flying… a fear that nearly kept me from attending my best friend’s wedding. I know that with my genetic makeup, there’s a good possibility that the anxiety disorder I have could be passed on to my children. Do I risk exposing them to distressing events when they are too emotionally young to process such information?
No. I do everything I can to protect my children’s childhood. In fact, I’ve been criticized for being overprotective of my children, but I look at it like this… childhood lasts maybe ten to twelve years… adulthood will continue for sixty or seventy years (hopefully).
Why not let my children believe they live in a “beautiful” world for as long as possible? They have decades to witness the harsh reality of adulthood and to discover the truth about the world in which they live.
Why not let them revel in the beauty of nature? Why not let them imagine they can be and do anything they want? Why not allow them the opportunity to make up stories about camping in the woods or finding a magical garden?
However, by choosing this path, I have some guilt.
I live somewhere that allows me to parent this way.
I have the freedom to homeschool.
We don’t live in constant fear for our lives.
We don’t have terrorist attacks taking place in our city.
We don’t have bombings happening every month in our country.
I feel guilty that we are so fortunate, yet so many are not.
I pray for a world free of murder and disregard for human life. I know it’s not a realistic prayer. This world is an evil place.
I worry about world events robbing my children of the beauty and “magic” of childhood. I fear the time when their imaginative play is replaced by talk of “finding and killing” the bad guys. I grieve the day that my children realize that the world isn’t quite as beautiful as they thought.
But then again, if they believe that their world is a wonderful place for a longer period, wouldn’t it make them more passionate to advocate for it and protect it? If they’ve had that beauty and appreciation deeply ingrained in them, will they be more grounded in love, and more likely to spread love, instead of fear and hate?
I have no idea what the repercussions will be by choosing to parent my children this way but at this point, I feel it’s necessary… and it’s what we, as a family, need to do.
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Aw, beautifully said and I am with you on being just a bit more overprotective for my own kids’ good here, as well. Happy Tuesday and hope you are having a wonderful week so far now xoxo :)
Thanks my friend. We’re parenting through tough times. While I realize generations before have probably uttered similar sentiments, I just look at the world and think… wow… this is rough.
Wishing you a lovely week too!
What I love most about this post is that you are comfortable with your choices. I think that’s the most important part of parenting. I’m very anxious myself, but I parent on the opposite end of the spectrum. I expose my kids to quite a lot hoping they will get practice processing, but I really don’t believe either of us is right or wrong. Your logic is just as valid as mine. Parenting in a way that jives with our own soul is the only way to do it well. Bravo to you!!
Thank you Christine. I think it’s important we feel comfortable with what we’re doing, as opposed to just doing what we see others doing or choosing a particular direction simply because someone else is doing it a certain way.
I truly appreciate your openness to hear why we’ve made these parenting choices. I respect your approach too – your logic totally makes sense.
Wishing you a lovely day!
It’s like you said – it’s what you as a family need to do, and it works for you. You will never find an argument from me about that!
Your first sentence is just like my life – “I have an anxiety disorder and have battled post-traumatic stress disorder.”
I had a lot of trouble flying after 9-11. I did it, but it was hard. I’m glad you conquered your fear for the wedding. It doesn’t mean you have to fly all the time. I don’t! And I am still afraid on a plane, but I do it as needed. Maybe once a year. Maybe!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this Tamara. We each do what we need to do… our choices in parenting are so individual. Also, thanks for sharing more about your struggles flying. I find it interesting to hear others’ perspectives about it too.
Hello Jennifer,
Missed me? Sure feels good to be back–but I wasn’t going to dip my toe into the blogging sphere for another month or so, until I saw this post. I wanted to give a perspective and support you (and Evan) with all my heart.
This world is BOTH evil AND beautiful. That’s what, to me, makes it so wonderful. There is no appreciation or gratitude without some form of opposition. There is no peace without war, love without hatred. We wouldn’t know what it was without experiencing the opposite.
Not that I wish ill on anyone, because I certainly don’t–and I don’t think your prayer is unrealistic. It’s something I’m living my life to attain and help make a possibility.
Will we achieve it? No clue.
Is it WORTH STRIVING FOR? You bet.
You, my friend, are a very good person. I like you and I like Evan. To me, as a person who grew up with a great amount of violence and was beaten bloody more times than I can count, it’s people LIKE you that give ME hope, that helps ME try again, and again…and AGAIN to be a better person and to strive with others, to show them a better way.
It’s BECAUSE of the violence in my life that I became so much of who I am today–a loving and very protective husband and father of 12 beautiful, loving, kind children. Someone who keeps his anger in check and who prefers peace and kindness to anything else. I understand people to a great degree and that specifically includes violence, and I think your choices are spot on–though I agree with Christine, in that we have to do the best we can with who we are. It’s all we CAN do!
Here’s what i would add to your choice of parenting….
WHEN the the kids start to learn about the harsh realities of the world,…smile.
Be there, calmly and lovingly, as you already are, with a willingness to have a conversation about why people make certain choices in life. Be the lifeline and hub of wisdom for your children, because it WILL happen sooner or later.
If they ask why you didn’t tell them about it earlier (as some of mine did with me), just tell them what you told us: “I wanted you to have the blessing of being a child, first.”
Where other people will have the harsh experiences, like I did (though I’ve never been in a bombing, I have had people hunt me down and try to kill me), YOU are the opposite, the ying to the yang and this is SO important, Jennifer, so please listen to me here:
People like YOU…and these other amazing readers…are the GOOD people of this world that allowed people like ME to find hope and to believe that life was worth struggling through. That I could find a place among good, kind people, because they DID exist! Don’t ever feel bad or guilty for where you are–USE it.
Encourage. Uplift. Inspire.
…and you know what?At one of the lowest points of my life, when all I could do was breathe in an out and cry because I thought God had given up on me, I found Kathilynn.
My love, my life, the water to my blazing fire…was so kind, so patient, all i wanted to do was recreate myself to exist in her sphere.
Now I live a life of peace, much like you…and when my children need more information as they get older, they come to dad.
When they’re ready.
Great topic, Jennifer. You’re doing awesome.
Keep going.
Your friend,
Jaime Buckley
Thank you for sharing your heart here Jaime. I feared criticism when I decided I was going to write this. I’ve been called overprotective many times but to put it out there in the interwebs made me a little nervous.
However, this is our parenting choice. I think we, as parents, will know when it’s time to start sharing more about the realities of the world. I hope to do so, like you said, with a gentle, reflective, and supportive heart, a prayerful spirit and with compassion to see my children through the process of filtering what impact world events like these mean for them.
For now… we enjoy the moments. The beautiful spaces and places that our blessed lives have allowed us to provide for our children.
Thanks once again my friend. Your words were so kind and encouraging.
You are right to hide terrible news stories from your children. They only experience a world of perfection + happiness for so long.. 12 years, yes. We don’t have TV to let news stories run in the background at our house, so they are naturally protected from it. The Brussels attack hurt my heart so bad… I used to live there and I have friends there. But I didn’t share that with my children (2 + 4yrs). :( It’s a scary world out there and my children can barely handle losing their pets.
Scary, scary stuff. I know one day I will need to confront this and support them through making “sense” of tragic world events, but right now… I just want to protect them for a while longer.
I am an over protective parent, but a weird thing kind of happens as they get older. It’s not that I don’t want to shield them as they turn into tweens and teens, it’s just that I can’t anymore. There is so much guck out there and they see it and I hate that they do. I am inspired though by their positive and uplifting response to what they see and hear and how they view the world. I think that is indeed because just like you, I shielded, molded and taught for most of those early formative years how they should respond to the world at large. I guess we should never underestimate our ability as a parent to quite literally change the world, at least how our kids respond and deal with it.
I know the time will come eventually that we will need to discuss these things. I know I will need to do so with a loving, supportive and prayerful heart.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Jen.
I home school too, and I’m so with you. I go back and forth on it. I DID let them watch the primary presidential debates, and oh man, they are not Trump fans..I don’t watch the news much either. There’s a healthy level of information and there’s an unhealthy level. My kids know about 9/11. They know about radical Islam and how occasionally there are shootings, but I try to tell them very little of all of that. I am so with you.
I think we, as parents, for the most part, innately know what our children can and can not handle. My children are so sensitive to others needs and they are exposed to homelessness, economic issues, as well as natural disasters – from these things I can already see just how sensitive their little souls are. I know that when it comes time to share bigger issues like terrorism and murder – that I will have to do so mindfully and prayerfully.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this April.
I think this is such a difficult decision as a parent. I err towards your approach, however as my kids go to school I have to equip them with some basic knowledge and understanding of the bigger events because they will be discussed in school and they need to be able to deal with discussions in an age appropriate way. And, I want news like that to come from me, in a controlled and compassionate way. Not an easy one, is it? #thehappynow
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective and experience with this Sara. I can say that if my children were attending school, I would probably take an approach similar to yours. They need some basics so they’re not caught off-guard or overwhelmed by information. Definitely not easy.
Bless your mama heart, Jennifer. I totally understand your perspective and your approach on parenting your kids- this world is SCARY and you are simply protecting your children from things they don’t need to be exposed to just yet.
I have wondered if what I have done is the wrong thing-but I have always exposed my kids to the news- the world news- not the “local news where ongoing murders etc are reported”. My take was that I wanted to educate them on the world outside of them, so they can grow up informed and be able to stretch their perspective wider. I don’t show them everything- these days the onslaught is so horrible, I just have to stop exposing them. BUT- my kids are well aware of everything going on. At this point, they are 10 and 12 and quite mature in their understanding and intellect- and I really enjoy their questions and knowledge and having deep discussions on world events and people/countries/culture etc
Either way Jennifer, our kids will ALL be okay. Yours will learn eventually, as their ground is firm and their foundation is steady. Mine have learned while building that foundation. I truly believe our kids will be better for BOTH approaches. <3
I think our differing cultures contribute to how we parent. I mean, I homeschool… if we didn’t, I think I would have no choice but to prayerfully and mindfully share tragic circumstances such as these with my kids. I pray that when the time comes, the Lord will help me in being as supportive and comforting as possible. I’m so thankful that we stand on firm ground because when the world is shaking like this, I couldn’t imagine how I would handle things otherwise.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this Chris.
I instinctively want to hide terrible news like terrorism, sickness and death from my children and most of the time I do. I don’t watch news nor do I look for it online so news of the Paris attacks and Brussels came to me through other adults. I find that I get sucked into the tragedy – and then I can’t sleep. God called us not to live in fear but this world is SCARY. When Paris was attacked I was told about it by another adult and my 5 yr old daughter was curious why all the adults were so upset. I told her that I would tell her why – but later after I’d had time to process it. I read article after article until I found a smidge of hope in the tragedy: people were using the #porteouverte and opening their homes to strangers who needed shelter. The next day, when I explained the tragedy to my daughter I made sure to highlight this bright spot. She had only two questions “Why?” and “Were any kids or pets killed?” I told her what I could of the “why” though I admitted it didn’t make much sense to me either and as for the second, I told her ‘I didn’t think so” since the attacks happened at night when kids are usually home sleeping and animals were unlikely to be present as well – but I promised to tell her if I knew. Thankfully, my kids don’t know about Brussels so I haven’t had to talk about another tragedy with them. I pray there are no more tragedies – but know it’s an unrealistic prayer – so I also pray that when those tragedies occur, I can model to my children being compassionate to those in the tragedy while not succumbing to fear and despair and -Heaven forbid- if the tragedy comes to our door to prepare them to find God in it – He’s wherever the bright spot of Hope shines. Anyway, that’s my strategy – only time will tell if it’s the right one!
We live in a scary world and in scary times. I think we all have ways that we approach things and there isn’t a 100% right way – we know our kids best and do what’s best for us and our families. I know very soon, I will have to start sharing news of things like this with my oldest… she has such a sensitive soul, I fear how it will impact her… yet often I underestimate her strength and resilience.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this Amanda. I appreciate hearing others’ perspectives – it’s preparation for me….
Hi Jennifer, I think your style of parenting is perfect. Children of 4 and 8 don’t have the capacity to take in the horrors that are happening in the world at the moment, nor should they have to. Let them enjoy their childhood because once it’s gone it’s gone.
I hope you are right that by instilling love for the world around them, they then go on to spread love in the world.
xx
I think they’re young but I also know they both have very sensitive hearts and souls – I couldn’t imagine (nor risk) sharing news like this with them right now. I know the time will come, but I think I’ll know when… and hopefully I can do my best to support and comfort them through the process of trying to make “sense” of it.
I think you are making a wonderful choice to protect your children from these horrors as long as possible, Jennifer. If my son didn’t go to public school, I would shield him from more as well. I always feel the need to tell him about news events before he hears at school in a less than gentle way. My kids, 22 and 13, both inherited my severe anxiety disorder. This world we live in only exasperates this already incredibly difficult disorder. I so agree with your worry that our precious kids aren’t getting to relax and enjoy the magic of childhood with everything happening around them. It’s such a shame.
I’m certain my approach would most likely be different if my children were in the school system. I pray my girls don’t inherit the anxiety disorder I have and I’m content with how I’m approaching things for now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this matter Candace.
Good morning Jennifer. Thank you for hosting. Your honesty is refreshing. You may get slacked for this, but from this mother of grown children who is unashamed of saying, “I am an overprotective parent.” Yes, my girls are all grown up and I too often wondered if I sheltered them to much. One daughter, who is a mother herself now, protects her little ones fiercely, yet she herself struggles with the evils of this world and cannot watch or hear certain things. Although I kept things real for them because I wanted them to see God’s power over such things, they still formed their own thoughts and beliefs in world events. As parents, we have little control over it after they leave our protective nest. Would I do things differently, not at all. So hang on to what you feel in your heart is best for your family and let God deal with the rest. I believe His power triumphs over evil, even if we can’t see it at times.
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words Michelle. I am so grateful that I have the Lord because I really don’t know how I would cope living in this harsh world. I like how you said that you wanted them to see God’s power in things – how wonderful. I love that I’ve gleaned such wisdom from others, like yourself, so that when the time comes, I’ll know how to navigate these waters a little better.
It used to really frustrate me that I was raised by an overprotective parent who also was a single mom (although I really suspect that wasn’t why she was such a worrier — she was like this before my dad passed away). Sometimes, I did feel thwarted by it; however, now that I’m a parent, I am grateful that she was that way. Since I have a special needs child and another child who has a streak of mischief, I feel like my background and conditioning have made me a good parent for both of them. I’m conscious of how they could get hurt and exhibit caution with both although since I feel I lacked independence growing up, there are instances when I do encourage them to be independent themselves. It’s odd how it’s worked out with the dichotomy, but so far, so good. I’ll let you know in about 10-15 years! Great post as always!
I was raised by overprotective parents too – but I can totally see the rationale – especially given the current state of the world we live in! I loved hearing your perspective. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this!
I agree with you. Let the kids keep their childhood while they can. They’ll have enough opportunities to learn about the evils in the world later. It is hard to know how young impressionable children will react to scary news like that anyway, and you don’t want to traumatize them.
Childhood is so short… I just want them to enjoy it as long as possible.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Julie!
We live in a scary world and our children need us to protect them. Beside’s if we don’t “over protect” them, who will. Blessings
It’s such a scary world! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Sandra.
“I feel guilty that we are so fortunate, yet so many are not.” I can completely relate…whether it’s living in a free country or thriving with cancer. I feel guilty about so much because I know I’m blessed, fortunate and relatively healthy all things considering. We shield our son from many hardships. I wonder if there will be repercussions long term, but try and take a breathe and like you focus on that he is only this little once. Beautiful piece. xoxo
It’s such an odd position to be in… fortunate yet guilty for being so blessed. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this Caryn.
And Jen I totally agree with you. As a mother who suffers from the same thing as you, I try and shield my kids as well. While I have cable TV, we barely watch it. I just came back from Paris and I felt so uncomfortable while there that I barely spent any time at the Eiffel Tower and couldn’t wait to leave. I’m a mama bear and I have no shame in saying so. We all do what’s best for our family and if that’s the way we have to do it, then kudos to you.
It’s such a scary world right now… and yes, we all have our approaches and I would have never guessed you were a mama bear *wink, wink*.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this Amanda!
I can not watch the news either Jennifer! I just feel things so deeply as you do. Every time I think I should be up to date on what is going on in the world I am horrified. It just sickens me, and our local news is the worst. I have found that hearing from my husband about it is much better. I have come to realize I can’t handle watching it on t.v. I do from time to time look at the news online and feel it doesn’t affect me as badly. I don’t think that God ever intended for us to know every single wicked thing that is going on in the world. I do believe we need to be aware and not live under a rock so that we can pray. When I heard about the Paris attacks I did tell my children because they were asking why I was crying. I explained to them that there were evil men who did this but that this world is run by satan right now and one day Jesus will come back and make everything right. We prayed for all the people affected. I understand where you are coming from though. I am totally with you on keeping our children as innocent as possible!!
We are so much alike Rebekah! Wow, I didn’t know!
It’s such a terrible time for the world and it feels like it’s getting worse. I just pray I can preserve my children’s childhood and innocence as long as possible.
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective and experience with this.
Hi, Jennifer. You are so right. No, our children don’t need to see all the ugly in the world too early. Yes, we should protect their innocence and encourage them to see the beauty. And yes, we feel guilty when we aren’t able to do that and, like you say, sometimes we feel guilty because we ARE able to protect them when others are not as fortunate. We have been accused of being “overprotective” parents over and over and over again. :) However…we were not able to protect our daughter from all the ugly. She was almost 5 on 9/11, and we were living in Saudi Arabia. We tried to shield her from what was happening, but it was literally ALL AROUND us. When the International School was re-opened, my little kindergartner came home asking why “‘tourists’ (ie., terrorists) hate Americans.” Some things we just had to explain. Her drawings, which should have been of flowers and sunshine at that age, were of concrete barriers, guards carrying guns, and bomb-sniffing dogs. This was our reality then but I didn’t realize the impact until we returned to the relative safety of “home” and she began having nightmares.
All that said, she is not scarred. She is in college now and has an incredible heart for missions in some of the most closed places in the world. She is horrified that most of her peers don’t even remember 9/11 or understand how those events affected so much of what is happening in the world today. Of course, I look at her and think, “Oh, why does she have to remember all that so vividly??” :)
Your sweet little ones are your babies, and 4 and 8 are NOT too old to be shielded from the ugly — there is plenty of time for that. You just keep doing what you are doing, Mom! :) And the really amazing part is, God makes beauty from ashes, so no matter what they see or don’t see, He can use it. (I know you know that — I just went back and read your stories about the incident with the gun and overcoming your obstacles and ending up downtown. Wow!) Thank you for writing this; I appreciate your perspective!
Oh wow Wendy… what experiences you and your family had to go through! I think circumstances will naturally dictate our approaches. I do know that when the time comes, I want to prayerfully support my children through the process of discerning what’s going on in the world around them. In the meantime, I pray they can enjoy the innocence of childhood as long as possible.
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement.
Jennifer I don’t even watch the news because of all the terrible things in the world. Like you said our children are little and innocent for such a short period of time; no reason for them to be exposed to all that at such a young age.
It seems like bad news is everywhere we turn… hopefully they can be oblivious to it just a little while longer.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Tiffany!
I loved this and I totally agree. I think it is part of our job as parents to keep the magic and wonder of childhood alive as long as we can. There has always been and will always be tragedy and strife in this world but it can wait a little bit until our children know all about it. I too pray for a more peaceful world. Well done.
I’m delighted you enjoyed this Kelly – and I totally share your sentiments.