My oldest daughter just turned four. I was stunned when I realized she is eligible to start kindergarten in September. But my daughter won’t be going to school.
We recently took her for allergy testing and discovered that her dairy allergy has gotten 30 times worse. We know she had anaphylaxis to dairy but we hoped that she would have outgrown this allergy. The headlines in early January confirmed our decision… Ammaria Johnson, 7, of Virginia died of an anaphylaxis reaction while at school.
Before you continue to read this, I ask you not to pass judgment, to put yourself in our shoes and try to understand why we have decided to homeschool our daughter.
First of all, I do not trust very many people with my daughter’s life. Sorry… but I don’t. It may seem strong or harsh but unless someone has first-hand experience with anaphylaxis (like our immediate family or friends with anaphylaxis children) I don’t trust them. It takes one forgetful moment and my daughter could go into anaphylaxis shock. More importantly is the reaction time it would take to respond to an anaphylaxis reaction… unless someone is experienced with anaphylaxis, I just can’t trust them.
Secondly, schools, for the most part, have been diligent with educating families about nut and peanut allergies but my daughter has a dairy allergy. She would be exposed to dairy constantly! It would take one split second for a child to share a treat with my daughter and that would be it. Unfortunately, dairy and dairy by-products are in so many food products. In addition, schools don’t appear to have enough plans and policies in place to protect children with anaphylaxis.
Lastly, my daughter was one when she had her last anaphylaxis reaction… far too young to instill a knowledge/fear of another exposure. She is a spirited child. Hence, as much as we tell her to not accept food from others, she does not heed our warnings (we’ve safely “tested” this a number of times).
So we’re homeschooling. Some people many think we’re being overprotective. Others may judge us and think we’re not giving our child the practical experiences she needs… but this is what we have to do. I think as parents, we are a good judge of what our child(ren) can and can not handle. Our daughter knows her alphabet, counts to 100, recognizes a variety of words, and knows her shapes and her colours. She is mentally ready for school but she does not know how to say no… and this makes her not ready for school.
I have to admit, there is a part of me that grieves that I won’t see my child in Christmas concerts and that I won’t have the opportunity to belong to the PTA or volunteer on field trips. There’s a part of me that gets sad when I talk to people who have their children in playschool. How I wish my daughter could have the opportunity to connect with a large group of peers and get invited to birthday parties! I’m also saddened that we won’t have that teary first day of kindergarten… when I look on and watch my baby walk into her classroom with an over-sized backpack propped up on her shoulders.
However, for peace of mind, for now, this is the route we’re taking. I just hope that others can understand and respect the choice that we’ve made.
SHARE WITH OTHERS
Welcome to the homeschool club! I understand the grieving of school experiences… but, thankfully, there are so many amazing things about homeschooling your child that (in my experience) make it such an amazing life. And being part of a homeschooling community is wonderful!
Like everything…….. it is what you make of it. My friend homeschools her 5 daughters and there seem to be many wonderful homeschool supports/groups out there. You know what is right for your family :)
I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I share some of the sentiments. What I have found is that when it comes to this, “you can’t say the right thing to the wrong person and you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person”. Supportive people support, judgmental people judge.
Its funny that you posted this because the post I was going to publish today was very similar to this, but I decided to postpone it until I let some time pass. The post is about my son’s Asperger’s Syndrome and homeschooling. Although he gave me the green light, I thought I should wait, in case he had a change of heart about me sharing his story.
You know what is right for her and your family. I wish I felt confident to homeschool my boys. Praying for you!
I can only imagine that I would make the same decision in such a situation. I often wonder how I would handle having a child with a severe allergy. I do hope it gets better for her.
Those sound like good reasons to homeschool. It can be scary to let other people look after your children, especially while they have umpteen other little ones to watch at the same time. Good luck!
I’m going back and forth on this too. My 4 year old will be 5 in August so he can go to kindergarten. I’m for sure going to be holding him back for a year. But will he be ready to say no to all treats in a year when he’s 6? Like your daughter, he hasn’t had an anaphylactic reaction since he was 1 so he doesn’t understand how scary it is.
It scares me, but I’m not sure I’m ready to homeschool. He’s already more anti-social than most kids due to the fact I can’t allow him to do playdates at other kids’ houses and he knows he’s left out at birthday parties so he’s kind of stopped trying to be like the others.
He’s anaphylactic to dairy, eggs, peanuts, and some tree nuts. I keep hoping things will improve. They never do.
You do what you have to do.
I think everything will work out fine.
Why would anyone care? This is the best choice for you family.
Again, you dod waht you have to do!
I support your decision to homeschool. That is probably the wisest choice given that dairy is in so many more things than peanuts are, so her risk of anaphylaxis is greater. It will ease your mind to know that she is safe. I would probably do the same thing. You can have allergy-free play dates for social exposure. And she will probably learn more than kids her age going to public school.
My cousin had a severe allergy to dairy, nuts and eggs growing up. Like even skin contact was a HUGE issue and dairy and nuts being ingested meant an ambulance ride. She was able to go to school and be okay and she actually outgrew the dairy after high school!
BUT, I totally support your homeschooling decision. There are so many great resources out there these days for homeschoolers and tons of great groups. Plus, you guys may make the switch when she’s older too. I’m excited to how you will align yourself (tradition, etc) and what curricula you will choose. Good luck :)
No judgement here…just a great appreciation that you have made a very difficult decision and truely have your daughter’s best interest at heart! I would be terrified to send my kiddo to school too if she had such severe food allergies. Here’s to hoping that she grows out of them with time…
This must be difficult for you. I know you must feel torn. You can only do what you feel is best for your daughter in your own heart and husbands. Stay strong you are doing a great job.
Nina
Making hard decisions are so…hard! Good for you! It’s always tricky trying to decide what’s best for our little ones, but I’m sure you are doing what’s right for her (and your family) right now. The coolest thing about being a mom is you know what’s best for your little girl. And, from what I know, the homeschooling community might put on a Christmas show. (My daughter’s school is mostly Jewish, so…no Christmas play here.) Good luck homeschooling!
if it’s any consolation, you can still see your child in christmas concerts — our area has children’s choir and children’s symphony as well as co-ops — and you can belong to homeschool groups (our version of PTA ;o) and even volunteer on field trips. homeschoolers go on *lots* and *lots* of field trips! :)
it’s always tough to move in a direction opposite the one most people are taking. i hope you find it to be as rich and rewarding a lifestyle as we have.
I bet she can still participate in some “school” activities in public school. You would just have to go with her. i know home schoolers are allowed to take chemistry in the public schools because parents are paying school taxes in Texas. I bet she could on field trips with you as an additional sponsor. Jody The Medicare Mom
WOW. I would do just as you are doing if my child had such a severe allergy. I pass no judgement in any way. I am always interested in hearing about mother’s homeschooling journeys. For some reason, it fascinates me. My daughter is 3 and will be attending preschool Fall 2015… which frightens me. I have had homeschooling in my mind for the past year but I don’t know if I will really do it.
I have something interesting to tell you Monica. I would have NEVER thought I would homeschool my children. However, we began this journey out of what felt like necessity. The funny thing is, I realize now if my daughter ever grew out of her allergies, I would continue to homeschool her. I love it.
I love choosing my daughter’s curriculum… it’s full, it’s beautiful, and it’s rich. Just this year alone, we have done a novel study of The Tale of Despereaux; learned about archaeology, explored ancient Egypt; and China. In January she will be starting art classes with a local artist, attending a 6 week workshop on the rain forest, and will be participating in an online paleontology class. She’s in grade 2!
Most importantly, since I know what she’s studying 24/7, I can incorporate learning and exploration of her curriculum naturally though the day.
I love homeschooling and I share different aspects about our journey here on The Deliberate Mom. I never pressure others to homeschool– educational pursuits are unique to each individual family. You know your child best and the education you choose for your child will undoubtedly be what she needs.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. It was nice to be able to connect with you.
I think homeschooling is great! I also think that it’s not for everyone. I’ve seen both good and bad in homeschooling and in public school so no judgement here. I’m on the fence about public school but luckily I don’t have to worry about it until I have kids and they are old enough.
I just stumbled across your blog after making the decision to homeschool my very allergic 5 year old. 45 minutes of Sunday school is even scary for me so sending my little guy off to school is completely out of the question. I am appreciative for your blog around and look forward to exploring it more!