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Wiping noses, wiping bums, wiping out on a toy… this is my gig.

I’ve been out of the workforce for a few years now. Before becoming a stay-at-home-mom, I was the director of two different child care programs. Being in management, means that I’ve encountered numerous challenging situations that required skill, patience, and tact.

Even with all those years of experience, nothing could have prepared me to be a CEO of my home.

If my kids worked they would NEVER get away with this! #parenting #funny Click To Tweet

If my kids worked, they would NEVER get away with this!

So here are the things that my kids do which would be completely unacceptable in the workplace.

Walking around naked.

My youngest daughter can not keep her clothes on. Nudity and the workplace usually don’t go well together.

Summoning people to look at their poo.

Envision yourself buried in paperwork. An intense deadline is looming over your head. Suddenly, your co-worker runs up to your desk and exclaims excitedly, “Come see this!” – only to lead you to the restroom where there’s an enormous poop longer than their arm in the bottom of the toilet?!

This kind of behaviour would not be tolerated.

Telling everyone they meet every detail about you.

FOIP is out the window when it comes to my kids.

We could be standing in line at the grocery store, and my children will introduce themselves, then me. Afterwards, they disclose our family address, my age, my employment status, and also make sure to tell anyone that will listen about the time that I farted in the car, and it smelled so bad they couldn’t breathe.

Ahhh, kids….

Hitting or pulling hair.

Imagine calling an employee into your office and telling them that they need to fix a report. Before you finish indicating what needs to be done, you receive a swift smack across the face.

Physical abuse would not cut it in the workforce kid!

Stealing.

In our house we have a routine… right before bedtime, we frisk my youngest daughter and check under her pillow for things that don’t belong to her.

I kid you not; this child stashes EVERYTHING under her pillow! We’ve found my earrings, money, my wedding band, stamps, her sister’s hair barrettes, marbles, a muffin, buttons, keys, cookies, crackers, and a drinking straw.

I shake with fear every time I look under her pillow because I can never guess what I’ll find next!

Shake your bum-bum, shake your bum-bum.

Do I need to explain this any further?! Every day I see one of my kids wiggling their butts and singing some version of this.

Not cool. Not cool at all.

Covering their ears when you talk to them.

Envision an important team meeting. As you begin to disclose some critical details, your colleague covers their ears and sticks out their tongue. I expect their employment would be cut pretty short with that kind of behaviour.

Walking around with their hands in their pants.

Could you imagine walking into the break room with both hands down the back or front of your pants! Within two seconds, you would be escorted out of the building by security!

So what are YOUR “coworkers” like?

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Jennifer Bly
Jennifer Bly
Author of My Kitchen, My Classroom: An Introduction to Homeschool, creator of The Deliberate Mom, Deliberate Homeschooling and regular contributor to The Huffington Post. Jennifer writes about parenting, her faith, and life with her husband and two girls. Jennifer has a Bachelor of Applied Human Service Administration Degree with a specialization in Early Learning in Child Care.
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