As I indicated last week… I’m striving to become the deliberate mom I want to be. With those efforts, there is a lot of reflection and sometimes, the awful rut of self-condemnation. That being said, I ask that you read my honest reflection on homeschooling without judgement. I am hard enough on myself… trust me.
I stood over my daughter and the words came out of my mouth: “You are not doing anything else until you get this work done. Get. It. Done.”
It didn’t take long for the guilt to overwhelm me. I distanced myself. I walked away. I cried.
Here are some of my honest reflections about homeschooling.
Homeschooling is not what I expected to be
I had all these big plans. My ideas were grand. I had visions of a creative learning process. This is one of the reasons why we chose to homeschool! I may sound like a broken record here but I am becoming the teacher I was afraid my daughter would get if she did go to school.
The prospect of this frightened me.
I’m sacrificing my relationship with my daughter
I’m sacrificing my relationship with my daughter by “teaching” her in this manner. I love my daughters with all my heart. It pains me to see that I am teaching in an unloving way.
Workbooks and worksheets
Why have we gone back to workbooks and worksheets? Last fall I swore them off. I thought they could be integrated sporadically and I decided they would not become “everything” we do. However, months later, worksheets have become everything we do.
I have realized that the worksheets aren’t for my daughter… they’re for me. They are a confirmation that I’m “teaching” my daughter, that she is “learning”, that we are getting the work done. She’s not “learning” from the worksheets, she’s answering without thinking. She’s jumping through the prescribed hoops to get to the destination that I’ve determined.
An intervention
After spring break we returned to “school” and things fell apart. On the first day, while we were homeschooling, my youngest gave herself a haircut. Then on the second day, my youngest got into the junk food cupboard and filled her belly with candy and cookies (resulting in a late night puking session). On the third day my youngest dug around the cupboards again and gobbled down at least four candy canes.
Something had to change. I started thinking of the option of doing evening and weekend homeschooling. I started thinking of waking my oldest up at 7 (she’s usually up at 830) so that we could get some homeschooling done earlier in the day.
We were so close to being done our Grade 1 curriculum! However, I was feeling convicted about the way I was teaching and the impact that it was having on our entire family.
My youngest daughter’s behaviour facilitated an indirect intervention.
Reassurance
Every few weeks our homeschool association gathers and the children get to explore a project together. Meanwhile, the parents and some facilitators gather and discuss curriculum, challenges, etc. I ended up speaking with our own homeschool facilitator. She sympathetically listened to me and then she uttered the words I needed to hear.
“You’re done. You’ve done so much already. You’re done.”
I had to question… “Don’t we have to do all the work and fill out all the sheets?”
“No Jennifer.”
2+2= 4 and 3+1= 4 and 4+0= 4
I recently shared how I am working on letting go of control. I have been reading Karen Ehman’s book, Let. It. Go. In the book, Karen shares a friend’s wisdom: “There are many ways to get to the number four.”
There are a variety of ways to teach my daughter the curriculum she needs to learn. I don’t need to follow a textbook, we don’t have to do it like someone else. We can arrive at the same outcome by a different route and by our own educational journey. Indeed, there are many ways to get to the number four.
Here are some honest reflections by @DeliberateMom on the challenges she's faced while #homeschooling Click To TweetMoving forward
The challenges, the reflection, and the reassurance has made me completely change the direction in which I want to proceed. Even though we’re “done”, I will be using a fully integrated, everyday learning approach for the rest of the “school year.”
This past weekend I scrawled out pages of plans. I wove my own curriculum on the foundation of a gardening project and incorporated social studies, math, writing, reading, health, Bible, and art into the curriculum. This is what is natural for me! This is what I know.
So for the next little while we will be rolling up our sleeves and getting dirty. I can’t wait!
SHARE WITH OTHERS
Good for you! It’s so hard to not teach our children the way WE learn. I am starting to home-school my daughter too, and it’s a beautiful process, but a long one.
By the way, this is Lyssa from Playing the Music of Life! I have two blogs : )
You have another blog? I don’t think I knew that before.
Excited for you and your homeschooling journey. Yay!
Wishing you a lovely day.
I am a tutor and I teach English to students appearing for IGCSE and IB exams. Homeschooling is not very popular in India. But, there are parents in Mumbai who have opted for it. They are not sure if they have taken the right decision. Do you have tutors coming to teach your child? Anyway I enjoyed reading your blog and thanks for sharing.
Hi Ashok. Tutors do not come in to teach my daughter. As a homeschooling parent, I am fully responsible for her education.
Thanks for stopping by! I’m glad you enjoyed this.
Well said Jennifer my favorite line….”I may sound like a broken record here but I am becoming the teacher I was afraid my daughter would get if she did go to school.”…I’ll be buffering this across my social media because folks need to read this and take a deep breath and know it’s okay to stop because what is important is the relationships & Godly Character! “For the Lord gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
7 he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
8 guarding the paths of justice
and watching over the way of his saints.
9 Then you will understand righteousness and justice
and equity, every good path;
10 for wisdom will come into your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;” Proverbs 2:6-10
Thank you so much! I appreciate you sharing scripture as well.
Wishing you a blessed day.
Here is the post this post inspired (http://aspiredliving.net/2014/04/15/head-homeschool/), complete with a link back to here. Thank you again for your honest reflection. It’s brave to put your heart out there! May the Lord continue to shine His face upon you! Kyle
Thank you so much Kyle for sharing this post and for the encouragement. I am encouraged and blessed that my reflection on homeschooling sparked some reflection in others as well. God bless you.
Monday’s are hard enough, but the Monday returning from Spring Break is such a drag! But you had a whole weeks worth of setbacks. Some of which are funny looking back..lol Sometimes we need to feel completely out of sorts in order to get our perspective back. Homeschooling cannot possibly be a walk in the park because there’s a lot of responsibility on your part. But you’re doing great and your motivation and drive for excellence is inspiring!
It’s definitely not a walk in the park but we are on the right track. Nothing like some good old fashioned challenges and a nod of approval from our facilitator to inspire me to overhaul everything… once again.
Thanks for the encouraging words my friend!
I’m so glad you shared these real and raw feelings with us! As I read your Spring Break week I couldn’t help but think it looked like a perfect (to me)homeschooling week for two little ones to learn and thrive and be enriched! I think it is often out of our own insecurity that we pull out the worksheets–that’s how we were educated right? I wish you the very best as you figure out what works for you and your sweet girls!
Thank you Sanz. I saw the learning during our spring break too. I think a seed had been planted there and then the fallout the following week made me see how we could be doing things differently. I appreciate your encouragement Sanz.
This was us, too. Being a public school teacher, I first had to let go of all the wrong things I learned in teachers college. I can totally empathize with the turmoil. In fact, we took a short public school break because I began to doubt whether I could be a homeschool mom! With the reassurance of folks like you, we are returning to a simpler way of homeschooling next year. Thanks so much for your honesty! God bless you!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience Kim. Homeschooling is so challenging yet so rewarding. I find comfort in sharing with others. Blessings to you as well.
we are not school aged yet, but sometimes I find myself questioning my abilities as a mother. We all will have our ups and downs. Your doing just fine Mamma because you are doing what YOU have to, how you have to. Big hugs.
Thanks so much for the encouragement my friend. Your kindness and support means a lot.
Jennifer this was really brave of you to share these feelings on your blog. I have little ones not yet school aged (my son is almost 3 and my daughter is 5 months) and while I don’t homeschool, I do have moments or even whole days when I feel like a failure as a mom! Like you, my relationship with my kids is everything to me. All we can do as moms is come from a place of love and acceptance of ourselves, and start afresh the next day. Best of luck to you on your journey!
Thank you Victoria. I appreciate your encouraging words. Mothering is far from easy. I have days when I feel like a failure too. You’re right though… tomorrow is always a new day to improve ourselves and try again. Thank you for sharing.
I can only imagine how hard homeschooling must be. I remember last fall when you said you were giving up the worksheets. But sometimes we revert. And that’s ok. Things get challenging and we have to make changes to accommodate those challenges until they become easier, or go away. I’m so excited that you created your own curriculum for the remainder of the school year! I bet it is going to be a much more enjoyable learning experience for you both.
Have a lovely afternoon Jennifer!
xoxo
I’m very excited by our new approach. I hate “backsliding” and that feels like what I’ve done (and then I beat myself up over it and that never does anyone any good). Thanks for the encouragement and support my friend. I sincerely appreciate it.
xoxo
Thank you for sharing! We’ve had some rocky moments along our preschool homeschooling too. We’re using the Oak Meadows curriculum which utilizes a lot of note-booking, a great alternative to worksheets for to capturing learning in a tangible way that you can both look back on. And they can be based on Whatever you’re learning together. Love this post on them: http://www.theusualmayhem.com/2014/04/6-reasons-why-use-notebooking-homeschool.html
Sending you good thoughts & prayers for the rest of your “school year” :)
Thank you Cassidy. I looked at that website and it’s definitely intriguing. I am wanting to document my daughter’s learning and this definitely accomplishes that! I sincerely appreciate your encouragement, thoughts and prayers.
I am so thankful to read a real blog post from a real mom who accepts her responsibility. All too often we want to blame others. Homeschooling takes us to a whole new level of being accountable and it’s so hard because of the ways we were taught and the age of entitlement we have lived in for so long. This is truly a very well written post and you haven’t blamed the problems in your home on your children. If they read this in years to come, they will read the heart of their Mama who truly loves them and wants to grow their heart, character and their mind.
Thank you so much for your kind, supportive, and encouraging words. It’s certainly a journey and I’m so thankful for a community of like-minded, caring individuals such as yourself to cheer me on as I take steps to make changes.
I cannot believe how similar our year has been to yours. I too promised not to revert back to my old habits. My problem with our new approach, “Is my son REALLY learning?” I’ve assigned those dreaded worksheets to find out if he is and now we’re battling again.
Thank you for sharing a IRL homeschool moment not easy to share. Fear not, there is no judgment here since I seem to fit the same mold. What do you say we break free for good?
Bless you!
Thank you so much Lynda. It’s reassuring to hear there are others confronting similar issues. I’m with you… let’s break free! A “worksheets-free” support group perhaps?!
Blessings to you as well.
All I could think while reading this is “She is SUCH a good mom”. You are SUCH a good mom! They way you worry and see your mistakes and want to change them for your daughter’s sake. Thank you for this honest experience of homeschooling, I’m sure it helps other homeschoolers to see that they aren’t the only ones struggling with things and moms like me who are wanting to get a feel for what to expect before they start homeschooling.
Awww, thanks so much Jessica. It’s a rough yet rewarding journey. I hope that by sharing my honest reflections and struggles, it can help other homeschoolers and moms know that they are not alone. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.