Do you need to calm down? Parenting can be so stress-inducing! Do you feel pushed to the edge of blowing up? Are your kids driving you crazy? Check out these 10 ways to calm down before you blow up!
I don’t have to look at the clock… I know what time it is. At about 4:00 every day, my kids lose their minds. They whine, yell, fight with one another, and when that’s not happening, they’re running back and forth between the kitchen and living room.
This is my sensitive time. I’ve given so much throughout the day that by 4 pm, I’m feeling a bit empty. The task of preparing dinner and getting the house in order makes it challenging for me to stay in a calm frame of mind. I’m usually on edge, and if I don’t attend to my rising frustration, I will lose my cool with my kids.
The past three weeks, I’ve worked hard to stop raising my voice with my children. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve messed up a few times but overall I feel like I’ve made tremendous progress. However, much of this success has come from having strategies to calm down before I blow up.
Check out these 10 simple strategies to calm down before you blow up. #parentingtips Click To TweetSeek solitude.
Remember when you had your first baby and everyone’s advice was to nap when the baby naps? Remember how maybe you hated this advice because that was the only time you could get stuff done? My advice to seek solitude may be just as unnerving, but it is one of the most proactive things you can do to maintain your sense of calm.
Every afternoon my girls have an hour-long “rest time”. They watch a few episodes of Mr. Rogers or Paw Patrol while I have some time to myself. In the past, the second the TV went on, I would race to my computer and start working on blog tasks. It took a while to realize that this was depleting me. I needed a rest as well.
So, every afternoon, I seek solitude in my bedroom. I set the alarm on my phone for 20 minutes, and I read my Bible, pray, meditate, and sometimes, I may even dose off! This time of solitude nourishes me so much that I can often push through the rest of the day with a smile on my face.
Do what you can to seek some solitude time for you!
Go outside.
Nature inspires and invigorates me. Regardless of the season and the temperature, step outside onto your deck or porch… even if it’s for five minutes. Feel the sunshine on your face, the wind in your hair, the rain on your fingertips, or the icy chill of the winter air in your lungs. Close your eyes and listen to the sounds of nature.
Take a deep breath.
We take breath for granted, but it can work wonders for our mental and emotional well-being.
I once attended a yoga class in which the instructor told us to breathe in positive feelings and to exhale negative feelings. Despite this session being over four years ago, this lesson has resurfaced lately.
When I am feeling my anger rising, I practice:
Inhaling (joy)… Exhaling (anger)
Inhaling (peace)… Exhaling (fear)
Inhaling (serenity)… Exhaling (frustration)
Inhaling (love)… Exhaling (anxiety)
I visualize the words entering and exiting my nose through which I take my breaths. A few rounds of this type of breathing, and I’m usually calm and relaxed.
Do less.
My number one reason for losing my cool is because I have too much going on all at once. I’m over-committed, over-extended, and exhausted.
Try to minimize what you take on and allow for more margin time in your days.
Eat & drink enough.
Not too long ago, I got quickly swept up in my day. My youngest daughter woke up early, I started a load of laundry, and then the dog got sick, my oldest woke up, and I had to get breakfast ready for her, then the dog had to pee, my youngest decided that she wanted to take a bath, and all of this happened between 6 and 8 in the morning!
As I sat down to start teaching my daughter at 8:30, I was irritable, and I had a headache. That’s when I realized I hadn’t eaten breakfast, had my glass of lemon water OR my morning coffee!
Make sure that throughout the day you are eating and drinking enough.
Be grateful.
When my children are frustrating me, or their behaviours are pushing my buttons, I find that one of the best ways to remain calm is to look at them and be thankful for them. I get close, and I admire my youngest daughter’s wispy hair and her button nose, or I may look at my oldest daughter’s large eyes and round cheeks. As I do this, I reflect on how blessed I am. I give thanks for their unique personalities and their good health. I find I can easily be calm when I’m thankful.
Laugh a little.
I have no idea what happened to me when I became a parent. I suddenly got so serious because this was “my job” and I had to “do my best”. The pressure I put on myself and the feelings of not being enough robbed me of joy and my sense of humour.
I marvel at how my husband can easily take a tense situation and within a minute, have all of us laughing. Laughter helps release those negative feelings and restores joy and calm.
Dance, be silly, put on a funny hat, and laugh! Having troubles laughing, cue up a video! This is my favourite… I dare you to keep a straight face… especially at the 1:01 minute mark.
Walk away.
Sometimes the best choice may be to walk away from the issue… even if it’s for a few minutes. If nothing life-threatening is happening, why not take a few minutes to regain calm instead of diving into chaos?
Feeling like you're going to blow up? Walk away to regain calm instead of diving into chaos. #parentingtip Click To TweetThink beyond the now.
Will the fact that my daughter has coloured the walls actually matter in ten years time? No.
Will me freaking out about it matter in ten years time? It just might.
Whenever possible, I try to think beyond the here and now, this will often put things into a clearer perspective.
Show some affection.
I can never stay frustrated or lose my cool when my daughter is snuggled in my arms. I often find that our “off” days are the ones when we’ve had the least contact with one another. So if feelings are getting intense, maybe it’s time for a big snuggle.
What do you do to calm down before you blow up?
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Great advice, especially taking breaks and doing a bit less as I have slowly learned that these are truly essential to recharging and keeping from losing my cool more often. So thank you for a few more tips though, as well. Hoping you are having a great week so far now xoxo :)
I’m delighted this advice resonated with you. Breaks are so important… we often forget to give ourselves a rest!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on 10 ways to calm down. Wishing you a lovely week!
haha, that video! I had trouble with that one.
My sensitive time is 8:30 in the morning. I just.. can’t. I’ll have to try better tips. I think affection helps and I really love connections. When I’m feeling anxious, upset or mad, I tend to reach out to someone.
Affection and connection really does help. It always brings me down from the freak out phase to being completely oblivious to what I was feeling just moments before.
Those are really all great tips. I love that point about taking a deep breath. I usually do that and count to 10 and walk away. Usually when I do that and come back I realize just how silly it all was. Just like your kids, Madison tends to have a meltdown in the evenings a lot more, I’m thinking she’s just overly tired but just refuses to nap. :)
I think there’s a mental memo that goes out to all kids at around 4 pm – start freaking out kids… mama is going to be busy making supper. LOL
Deep breaths are awesome. I have to remind myself to do that one because I’m not a natural breather. Well, I am… lol but not natural at taking deep, relaxing breaths – I’m more of a shallow breather.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this friend!
Great tips! Definitly need to work on these myself lol
I’m delighted you enjoyed these tips Nikki! I’ve been working on them too :)
Love these, Jennifer! It’s a great list – I don’t think there’s anything to add! I’m looking forward to put some of these into practice very soon! <3
I’m delighted you found this list helpful Stefani!
I love all of these suggestions, and especially the last 2. It is so important to put things in perspective. Milk can be cleaned up, messes can be swept up, but yelling and harsh words can cause wounds that can hurt our little one’s hearts for years to come. Thank you for this reminder.
I also enjoy cuddles to de-stress. I love how God made us affectionate!
Thanks for the great post, like always!
Perspective makes a huge difference. There are times when I’ve caught myself and thought “REALLY? Are you really going to get angry over THAT!?”
Snuggles and cuddles change everything… can’t give or get enough of them.
The last one…yes. That seems to be the one that works the best for both A and I. If I just hold her we both calm down. Sometimes we cry, but we always calm down.
It’s remarkable what that physical connection can do!
it is like you are speaking right to me here Jennifer. This week has been a tough parenting week. It seems like the list of behaviors and problems going on with my children is long and my patience is short! I needed to hear this.
Thank you my friend for a good reminder to not deplete myself and to get to work on filling my own bucket so I can be be better parent.
I’m delighted that this was timely for you Jen. It’s been so hard around here too. I swear my kids are in full blown spring fever mode.
It’s so important to take care of ourselves. We’ll be happier… and our kids will be happier too!
Counting to ten works for me…not always, but often. I also try and breathe through my nose and out through my nose when I do it. It’s like I’m in yoga, but I’m not.
Nostril breathing definitely calms me… whereas breathing through my mouth just fires me up. lol
Thanks for sharing your strategies to calm down Caryn.
Oh Jennifer, this is SO good! All your tips are great! I find that after we are done with school I need a break. Either the kids watch t.v. and I go outside or I send them outside and have some quiet inside. Just a little while without being asked a million things is so beneficial to my state of mind. I also usually read my Bible or an encouraging book or even just veg out on instagram. I also tend to be so serious and my husband definitely balances me out. When something goes wrong he also makes a big joke about it and has everyone laughing where I would have had everyone crying. Sometimes after school we will watch a funny clip on youtube. Laughter really is the best medicine. Thanks so much for these great tips!
I’m delighted you enjoyed these tips Rebekah! It sounds like you have some fabulous strategies already… excellent!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on how to calm down.
I love how this picture makes it look like this woman is going dive head-first into the earth, which is one of the less productive ways I’ve thought about handling that bewitching hour when my kids all fall apart and go feral. (It’s about 5:00 here. We must be off an hour…. time zone issue, I’m guessing.) ;)
Seriously, I need reminders to breathe and walk away! Another great post!
LOL – I saw that picture and thought it was perfect for this post… calming down even when you’re on the brink of falling off a rock! It probably is the time difference OR maybe it’s because you have dinner later than us?!
I’m glad you enjoyed these tips and reminders Robin. Just breathe my friend and if you can’t walk away… run away! lol
This has been a struggle here lately, especially at night. I’ve been trying to get more sleep at night as a way of refreshing my patience levels
Sleep has a HUGE impact on my emotional well being and my patience levels. So very important!
These are great tips, Jennifer! I definitely have issues with losing my cool. The 2 on your list I use the most are seek solitude and deep breaths. Those simple moves can change everything for me. It seems like my roughest hour seems to be about 4pm too. I’ll say a little prayer for you at that time today ;).
I’m delighted you enjoyed this Candace. I’ve been working so hard on this lately. I have to keep remembered too that it’s not just up to me – I need God to get me into a better state where I can keep my cool.
Thanks for the prayers ;) and for sharing your perspective on this as well.
I love these suggestions! I’m about a week away from giving birth to my first child, so I’m definitely going to have to save this one for later! I especially like your encouragement to take some time, read the Bible, and pray to rejuvenate rather than working through our to do list during the small amount of quiet time we get each day. Thanks for the words of wisdom!
Yes! Make sure to nurture yourself and feed your spirit.
So excited for you and this new journey you’re about to embark upon!
Taking deep breaths helps me a lot. Going on walks helps as well. Funny video. I like watching funny cat videos, they always crack me up.
Cat videos are hilarious! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on these strategies to cool down Amber :)
Taking time to rest and eating/drinking well are definitely my tough spots. I always feel the need to be something productive instead of being still. And I ‘m the world’s worst eater when lunch time rolls around, my husband always says “you need to eat real food”, haha! But when fail at all of these I am most likely to blow it. I love all the ways you mentioned! I can identify with all of them as a mom of littles ;)
I’m delighted these tips resonated with you Ana. It’s so important we take care of ourselves, yet we often forget, don’t we?
Thank you for these wonderful tips. I love the idea of setting a timer for 20 minutes – that seems manageable!
Twenty minutes is VERY manageable and the thing is, it makes an INCREDIBLE difference in my day. Speaking of which – I need to get to that right now!
These are some awesome tips! I personally love walk away advice because I don’t know enough people who do that one. The funny thing is I was against the walk away tip until I got married to my current husband. Now, I see just how valuable that tip is to put into practice.
The other tips are also good to use too. I think anyone who has issues with keeping their temper in check will benefit from this list.
I’m delighted you enjoyed these tips Crystal. I think often we feel we have to push through things when rather , sometimes we need to pull back.
This is SO incredibly helpful! I am sharing all over, and might I add, LOVE your new logo. The color, the style, EVERYTHING! WEll done!
I’m delighted you enjoyed these tips to cool down. After just reading your “30 Reasons My Kids Cried Today” post, I have a sense you need these tips… desperately! lol
Thanks for the compliments on the logo – my hubby designed/drew it! I wanted purple for The Deliberate Mom and I wanted the logo to have some similarities to my Deliberate Homeschooling logo (which he also designed – it’s a turquoise light bulb with a heart filament inside). They tie the two sites together nicely. He did well and I’ll make sure to tell him you approve.
Thanks for sharing Kristen!
Oh man Jennifer, I cried two times during this post; once from laughter during that video and once from realizing what will matter in 10 years and what won’t. My 3 year old dropped my new nail polish on our new floors tonight and I really lost my patience with him. He stood there and kept apologizing, it hurts my heart to think about it. I really really really love these tips. They’re all so truly wonderful.
HA! Isn’t that SKYPE laughter chain the funniest. I’ve seen it so many times and I can’t help but laugh along with it.
I hate those moments when I lose it with my kids – especially when I reflect and think that my actions did more damage than their initial misbehaviour. It is heartbreaking. It’s important we reflect, learn, forgive ourselves, and move on.
I’m so glad you found these tips helpful.