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7 Highly Effective (But Not Very Appropriate) Parenting Strategies


If you want parenting advice, you can get it from almost any source imaginable. There’s an abundance of parenting books, websites, and blogs at our fingertips.

Even with this readily available advice, I’m certain there’s some highly effective parenting strategies that you may not know about.

I warn you… these tips aren’t to be overused, as they may lose their power.

Check out these highly effective (but not very appropriate) parenting strategies! #humor Click To Tweet

1. Gasp.

If your child is doing something you don’t want them to do, gasp as loudly as you can. An exaggerated gasp, a long gasp, or a short gasp… any gasp will do.

Guaranteed they will stop in their tracks and look at you. Congratulations, you just got your child’s attention.

2. Laugh.

Much like gasping, laughing is a wonderful way to get your child to focus on you.

Here’s an example:

“Johnny, come put your plate in the dishwasher.”

Johnny most likely will ignore you.

Try this approach instead:

Start laughing uncontrollably. Don’t stop laughing until Johnny asks you what’s funny. Once he does, tell him (between choked fits of laughter) how you were just thinking about how hilarious it would be if he just opened up the dishwasher and put his plate in.

3. You didn’t hear that.

“Mom, Anna is looking at me… again!”

“Mom, Sam touched my shirt!”

“Mom, Becky sat on my chair.”

Are your kids fighting non-stop?  Are they whining, yelling, and tattling?

Here’s a quick fix for you… you didn’t hear a thing.

Scoot into the next room and start humming to yourself while doing some tedious cleaning task. If you hear your children approaching the room, shuffle into another room. Keep doing this as long as you can.

4. Run away.

Use this strategy if technique number 3 doesn’t work. Break into a sprint and run away as fast as you can (preferably to a room with a locking door).

Run Mommy! RUN!

5. Go to the bathroom… a lot.

Do you wish you could have just a few minutes alone? I have the perfect strategy for you!

Go to the bathroom… a lot. You can even have a book or magazine stashed under the sink. Steal as much time as you can.

If your kids are like mine they will soon start pounding on the door asking what’s taking you so long. Just say you’re taking an enormous poop and that you’ll tell them when you finish so they know when to applaud. Make the occasional straining and grunting sounds to really sell it.

6. Feign illness.

Do you feel like you go, go, go and you never get any rest?

This tip might just do the trick… fake being sick.

Sprawl out on the couch with a big box of tissues and tell the kids you’re not well and you’re going to lay there watching TV all day. If your children insist on pestering you, grab a puke bowl and prop it proudly beside you. Let them know you’ll try your best to get the puke in the bowl but if they don’t want to get puke on them, maybe they should go play in another room.

7. Fart.

This technique is a great one. Whether they’re fighting, yelling, tattling, or not listening, a good fart will get their attention. So eat them beans and parent those kids!

There you have it! The next time you’re frazzled and feeling like you’re ready to snap… try one of these strategies! Guaranteed it’ll work (and if it doesn’t, well, hopefully this article gave you a good laugh).

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DISCLAIMER

I’m by no means a parenting expert. Strategies that work for one child, may not work for another. In addition I’m not liable for embarrassing snorts or coffee which is spit up on computer monitors, phone screens, etc.  

 

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Jennifer Bly
Jennifer Bly
Author of My Kitchen, My Classroom: An Introduction to Homeschool, creator of The Deliberate Mom, Deliberate Homeschooling and regular contributor to The Huffington Post. Jennifer writes about parenting, her faith, and life with her husband and two girls. Jennifer has a Bachelor of Applied Human Service Administration Degree with a specialization in Early Learning in Child Care. 

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